62

I opened my eyes and immediately had to cover my face with my hands because of the bright rays of the sun that shone down without regard for me.

It was only when I could barely make out something around me that I noticed that my little one was no longer lying next to me. I sat up, looked around, but saw nothing but the beach and the sea, which still awed me.

She was probably hungry and that's why she went back to the trailer, so I got up quickly, grabbed the towel and bottles and hurried across the hot sand. I missed her even though I was only awake a few minutes but without her presence a piece of my heart was missing that already had too many cracks.

The fire was out, there was only a black spot on the floor and then I noticed that there was no trace of her smell in the air either. Panic slowly flowed through me and I dropped the things to open the door to the trailer with a racing pulse, in which Chiara was sitting alone at the table.

"Where's-" "He's going to buy something for breakfast," the dark blonde interrupted, yawning, and then gave me a satisfied look. "Thanks again for having the courage to tell him." She beamed, but then, seeing my worried face, she got up and walked towards me. "So what's going on?"

"Jo's gone. I can't smell her, I can't feel her..." I breathed, shaking. "Maybe she just went shopping. Come sit down."

She held my shoulder and gently pushed me toward the bench, where I sat down glumly, hoping she was right.

It couldn't have been otherwise. Why should she go? There was no reason for it. At least I didn't regret last night and it felt like I loved her. I didn't know love, but that's what it had to feel like, because without it, I was missing something and it was almost unbearable.

"Did you scare her off with something again?" Chiara asked me, putting one of those disgusting instant coffees in front of me. "No, so I have no idea. I might have hurt her." "How do you mean?" "I bit her again," I explained, looking embarrassed at the floor. Why did I have to be like this? Couldn't I just be one of those romantics who would have flower sex and then cuddle for hours afterwards. But she liked it, didn't she?

"You're impossible, you know that? Jo is such an impulsive person who gets irritated easily and hardly spends a night she has to-" "It wasn't that!" I tried to silence her, but so did I experienced first hand, you don't mess with the hormones of a pregnant woman.

"How do you know that?!" she blurted out in her squeaky high voice and I knew this would be an endless discussion, but I didn't have anyone else to talk to. "Because I can tell if someone liked having sex with me or not!" "Oh! Excuse me, Mister, I notice everything! Have you thought about how good actresses we women are?" "Why would she play me something?!"

The mood in the trailer really couldn't have been worse and inside I just prayed that my companion would come back so that Chiara would keep her cheeky mouth shut. "Maybe she's had enough of you already, who could blame her?" she then rolled her eyes, at which point I got up and faced her.

"What are you talking about?" I asked in a loud voice and shaking hands and thank God the dark blonde finally shut up. I could tell she was sorry for the words, but she was too stubborn to apologize.

"We're waiting for Jayden, he might know what's going on. He woke up a lot earlier than me." "I'll wait outside." I turned my back on her and walked out the door into the sun and sat on the hot sand overlooking the choppy waters. What happened?

Before I could think any further, I heard footsteps behind me, but I didn't have to turn to know it was Jayden. "Hey, where's Jo?" he asked and I immediately realized that she wasn't at the shops either, otherwise he would have smelled her and wouldn't ask me this question.

Angry at myself, I drew my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, trying to hold back the tears. I ached all over and felt paralyzed, as if the pain was eating away at everything inside me while I couldn't even fight back.

A week had passed since I hitchhiked into the unknown and now I was sitting alone at a bus stop and didn't know what to do.

As always, I regretted first acting and then thinking, but I couldn't change it, maybe it was just better that way and any pain would eventually go away, I really hoped so.

Looking up at the sky, I saw the clouds that kept pushing in front of the sun, giving me the shadow. It looked so beautiful and I kept looking up until a sweet voice broke my trance.

"Josephine, right?" a blonde woman who looked out of this world to me approached me. Her eyes were so bright blue that you sank into them and the white dress probably came from another time. In addition, she wasn't even wearing shoes and yet her feet were so clean. "Who wants to know?" I replied suspiciously, standing up so as not to appear inferior.

She was shorter than me and also more petite, which took away the fear that she wanted to harm me. "Lucinda, but call me Lucy."

She danced past me and looked down the deserted street the way I'd come. "You really should go back," she said suddenly, playing with her blond curls. "Where do you know my name from?"

I looked at her confused and waited for my answer which made her smile. "I'm your guardian angel," she answered me and I immediately shook my head, laughing, because with so much pain and suffering I had to experience, I was sure I didn't have something like that. "How hilarious and now leave me alone!"

I angrily ran the other way, only turning back when I'd gotten a fair distance to realize that she seemed to be gone. Did I imagine them? Have I been so broken? I frowned and started to keep running when I bumped into her and was scared to death. "You really should take better care of yourself, Jo. Now go back!"

I was stunned with anger and had to stop myself from yelling at her. "I don't believe in such nonsense and why should I even go back?!"

Annoyed that I even started a conversation with her, I crossed my arms and looked into the deep blue of her eyes. "You can doubt me and my existence, I understand that, but companions who lose themselves will die and I will not allow that!" "But you allowed me to be mistreated and that didn't interest you either. Leave me alone!" I hissed back and felt the warm tears running down my cheeks.

"Psssst," she breathed so lovingly that I thought she was trying to lull me to sleep, but she stepped closer and pulled me into such a wonderful hug that I only felt safe and secure. I no longer thought about who she was and if she was telling the truth, but what she had said about companions I also knew and it hurt to know that I had let mine down.

"You go back and you'll live a happy life with him. That's your destiny and nothing else, doesn't matter," she whispered in my ear while I was still crying bitterly. "And if he's gone?" I sobbed, then slowly pulled away from her to look at her encouraging face. "He will never stop waiting for you."

I wiped my tears away, not caring if they were imaginary or real. The only thing that mattered to me was to drive back to him and I quickly turned in all directions to see a car, but there wasn't one.

"And how should-" I cut myself off because she had just disappeared again. She probably really came from my fantasy, but even if she did, I just felt bad without her security. A chaos ensued in my head and I didn't know what to do anymore.

I was good at running away. Bad memories also suppress. I never did anything else. But leaving Ethan and giving him a life of pain was something I couldn't really pull off, especially since I could already feel his absence destroying me inside.

But he wants children and this one thought planted itself deep in my mind so I again just stood there and dazedly watched the clouds.