Chapter 17 High Hopes For The Wicked

A song by Panic! At the Disco, an emo pop turned electronic emo(ish) pop band. It was highly popular in the undead world and every time I went out grocery shopping a couple years ago I swear I heard it every single time.

-

I couldn't keep my eyes off Ayla and I'm determined to never leave her alone again. God somehow this felt like my own fault.

She was shaking and laying down on her side, clutching my comforter to her face like a kid. Mavis sat right next to her with her hand rubbing Ayla's back in comfort. Ayla had stopped crying but I couldn't shake her guilty thoughts. I wanted to just grab her face and beg for her to stop with all the self-depreciation but I knew that was insensitive.

Ethan and Kyle opened my door and Kyle came racing, "What the hell happened?"

Ethan calmly sat at Ayla's feet and put his hand on one of her covered legs. "Kyle try not to shout, please." He turned toward his brother with a somber expression, "It's definitely not good for her."

"Gee I will certainly try not to," He rolled his eyes. "As if that even matters," he muttered.

Mavis shot him a dirty look, "Can we all try to calm down and be there for our friend?"

Friend.

I shuddered and moved away, biting the inside of my cheek. Ayla wanted friends, she wanted a real family. She found comfort in being around us in some frightening way and I wanted to deprive her of that? I wanted to purposely ignore her and limit real conversations when it goes against everything I stand for. I love immersing myself in humans and Ayla... she made me feel human. She reminded me of the world that we're fighting for.

I can allow myself to have a friend. I can do that. I can let go I just need to stop freaking out but I can't stop the image of her parents lying there from replaying over and over again in my head. Her father knew it would happen- did Amanda? Did she even know that Reece came and talked to me?

"Well then let's state the obvious," Mavis sat up.

'It was one of you.'

Kyle, Ethan and I all looked at her with startled expressions. Ethan was blushing while Kyle looked red simply from anger.

'I think you want to try again accusing me of this. Ayla has never done me wrong,' Kyle lurked back to her.

'I worked with Ayla's folks I wasn't even there with them they went to collect her. I drove her around because I respect Ayla and her family.'

'You all are forgetting another piece of this,' I added, 'Jasmine is the one who put her parents into the frozen state of mind. She's been angry about Ayla being here ever since she found out about her relation to Martin. It easily and honestly probably was her.'

Kyle paused and then slowly began to shake his head, 'It couldn't have been her. I've been with her almost every night...'

Bile slowly crawled up my throat and I groaned, 'God of course she was.' If it wasn't Jasmine then I honestly don't know who to suspect... and that only opened more doors that point to the one thing we weren't saying...

'Jasmine cares about this base. She would never ever betray it. She lives by Eveline's word and all that Eveline did for her. Even hating Ayla in her own way is just her looking out for the future of this place.' Mavis and Jasmine have been friends for a long time, a pair that lost part of their original trio. They were inseparable and when Eveline passed they quickly went to me and took care of me even though Jasmine is just a few months older than I am. I have to agree with Mavis.

The door slowly opened once again and part of me was wishing it was Jasmine. I imagined her strutting in and actually offering some compassion but I knew she'd rather die than do that. All of us were founding members... in my head it makes sense that none of us would set something so awful up but you never know where you stand until it's too late.

Our leader smiled as she walked in and I felt my blood instantly boil. "You are not welcome here," I said before even thinking about the consequences of my words.

Mavis and Ethan stood up, guarding Ayla's resting body with angry looks displayed on their faces. "You have some nerve showing up," Mavis spat.

Our head simply blinked, "Have you all forgotten who you're talking to?" She laughed, "I'm sorry I can't help it. Get back to your own level. I was just checking on our new orphan."

"You will not be speaking to Ayla and you will certainly not talk to her that way." My heart was thumping erratically out of rhythm and my skin felt like it was on fire. I've prepared so many speeches that only in the shower I've delivered in my head to this woman. This traitor.

She laughed again, "Oh my goodness look at all of you! Wrapped around the finger of someone way more powerful than you all are. Imagine where that's going to lead you."

"Shut up!" Ethan quickly backed down after he said it which made me visibly cringe.

"You all make it so easy. Guarding and defending someone who you can't even help."

I heard my bed moan and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ayla sitting up, pale and her hazel eyes now a bulging brown from how red they were. My heart ached for her, I've been there before and no one was there for me. I'm going to make sure she goes through none of this alone.

"You know what..." I closed my eyes and shook my head, taking in a deep breath before I unleashed all the grievances I've kept in my head since she won this position. "You love to parade around and abuse the privileges of being a leader but you never actually do shit with what the job entails."

She cocked her head to the side, "Do tell, Jackson. I love feedback."

"My sister never walked around thinking she was better than everyone else. My sister didn't sit in a goddamn office all day- she didn't even have a freaking office!" I flinched at the sound of my own voice. I didn't even recognize myself and slowly I was lost in all the grief, all the anger, all the guilt I trudge through everyday ever since my sister- the last of my own freaking family- was taken away from me. "I still get nightmares about her death, seeing her body get ripped to shreds." I could taste my own salty tears, welling up in my throat threatening to choke all the hate I was spewing.

"And you know what? My sister didn't get undeads to join into this goddamn world! She fought and died to protect them while you-"

"Ha! I have no idea what you're talking about!" She shouted at me, "Your sister may have gotten this whole thing started but we all know she couldn't handle it. She was a defect!" She said through laughing with her soprano voice but then the laughing stopped and her face turned square at me. "But at least doing this job hasn't driven me crazy."

My lips parted and everything stopped. I saw her face change into a smirk. She knew she did it. She knew she broke me.

"You bitch-"

"Jack stop!" I heard someone cry out but I don't give a shit. I'm going to tear her apart so she feels what being a hero feels like.

I lunged at her but she quickly stepped back and I was thrown back with my arms interlocked with others. I was struggling, kicking and screaming as she watched my friends subdue me.

"Does the crazy run in the family?" She pouted, "Poor Jack... especially making up that awful story about me turning people into Insurgents. I mean- how would that even make me better than Martin?" She smiled, "You should get that checked out."

I didn't know I was crying until I tasted my own tears and snot in my mouth. They had me down on my knees, my hands held out on either side with my wrists pulled back threatening to snap. I knew they'd break my wrists to make me stop, especially with Kyle's strength, I needed to remember to thank him for this later.

"This is my base. It could've been yours but the people all agreed that a fourteen year old who was obsessed with the Insurgence could never be trusted with the operation," She crossed her arms, "Your sister wouldn't even give this to you. You only became a rebel because she died and you couldn't live with it."

"Shut the hell up!" Kyle barked, shaking the walls.

I couldn't imagine what Ayla must be thinking sitting on that bed over there.

My bed creaked again and my vision was full of Ayla's legs in front of me.

"Ayla..." Mavis whispered.

The head smiled, "You look good, Miss. Gordon. You've got that no parents glow to you."

I heard someone gasp as the sound of a solid smack echoed throughout my room. Maybe the gasp was me-

Mavis slowly let go of my wrist and it limply fell, instantly sending a shooting pain up my arm and into my shoulder.

Our head held her cheek and stared at her stunned.

"You're a real mean lady and a horrible leader." Ayla said with a dark tone, a broken tone that told the story of pain and loss, something our head disrespected. She deserved it.

I heard the sound of my door slam so hard I heard it in the walls. I could feel the air in the room turn cold and we all stood there stunned. I'm sure almost everyone in this base had dreams of beating our leader up but the thought of a nice girl who doesn't even know the full story doing it- it somehow made it even better.

Ayla turned around toward us with heavy bags under her eyes and a frown sitting on her lips. She looked tired.

"I'm sorry," she said to the floor.

I stood up and instantly pulled her to my chest which earned an audible big breath from Mavis. I ignored their eyes and my own raging ES and squeezed her, "Don't you dare be sorry, Ayla Gordon."