Chapter 34 A Terrible Ending

The car ride was long and awkward, filled with silence other than the ambiance of the car. We found it along the side of the road when some tourists had stopped and went into the roads for whatever reason. They left the keys inside and against our wishes we had no choice but to take it. Maybe Jack will give it back- I doubt it.

We didn't have time. I was afraid to start a conversation, to begin the impending goodbye but- I was scared it would be cut off by him turning. I was afraid I wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to think that this was possibly the last time I could freely talk to him or even see him. There's so much I wanted to say, to thank him for. The real first family I ever had was being ripped away from me.

"Friendly reminder that I can read your thoughts," he mumbled, side-glancing at me.

I shrugged, "I'm just freaked out." I picked at the skin around my nails to distract myself. I had pain raging all around my body from the past week that kept me alert.

"Well I'm not exactly doing great at the moment. I'm literally about to cease to exist."

I bit my lip and faced forward. I gasped when my back grazed against the fabric of the car and leaned forward, hissing and groaning like an idiot. It was embarrassing and hard to try and act like I wasn't in so much pain- but in a way I knew I deserved it. It was only fair that I didn't get out of an explosion I caused without any damage.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice," He said lowly. "Obviously I'm just on edge and... I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be thinking and feeling right now." I appreciated him being honest, though him apologizing seemed unnecessary. I understood why he was freaking out and I'm freaking out too. I'm about to lose my only friends and be left alone to figure it all out by myself.

I smiled, "I'm about to reenter a world that hates me. I mean... last time I was at my house I was being accused of murder so..."

We pulled up to my house and I was uncomfortable with how there was no change in its appearance. I thought about all those horror movies where they showed the houses where unspeakable things happened, none of them looked like mine.

I couldn't get out of the car. The more I looked at the house, the more I wondered what the inside might look like. My stomach was stirring with nerves, Jack waited on the other side of the door with a worried look on his face.

Now came the goodbye.

I took a deep breath and exited the car, slowly approaching the steps of the front porch with Jack behind me. I turned around and smiled, "So is this the part where we say goodbye?"

He frowned from the bottom step, "It doesn't have to be. Maybe just... for now." He gave a shaky nod.

I wanted to say 'but you don't know that,' something to try and get more out of him. There was no chance I would see him like him again, I didn't want to waste this part. Goodbyes are important too.

I walked down the steps and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close. I fixated on his beating heart, the feeling of his breath hitting my hair, his huge hands careful places at the nape of my back to avoid my stitches. I thought about the wonderfully complex person I was losing, the person who taught me about love and self-forgiveness, the person who taught me I'm strong too.

I pulled away and cupped his cheek, whispering, "Thank you, Jack."

His lips parted and through the fading light I could see a tear trickle down his face. He shook his head and let his face fall, "There's just so much I want to say to you."

I forced a smile, "Then let's save it. For now."

"For now."

I broke away and walked up the steps, turning around to give him one last wave before I opened the front door. I could see how hard he was keeping it together when he waved back. And with that, I shut the door behind me.

The kitchen wasn't as bad as I was fearing. The table was out of place and a couple chairs were strewn about or knocked over. The lights were on- which I quickly turned off. Blood was splattered on the kitchen floor, catching the wall behind where my parents once sat. The air was heavy and cold, eerie unlike before. It all mostly looked the same but it didn't feel like the house I knew.

I made my way up the stairs slowly as if someone would hear me and winced at every creak in the floorboards. I turned at the top and nearly laughed to see my door off it's hinges. Kyle was always so weirdly proud of plowing my door down. "I never thought I'd be back here," I whispered as I walked through the doorway.

A loud abrupt yelp made my heart stop. I slowly turned around to my open doorway and found no one, but another string of cries made me sick to my stomach. Someone was here, and in terrible pain.

I cautiously made my way down the stairs, looking over the railing to the hallway leading to the kitchen, and the other side leading to the living room. It was quiet for a moment, until something hit the floor and another string of cries ensued.

Weirdly enough, I wasn't scared. I ran to the kitchen and gasped, "Jack!" I darted forward. He was laying on the floor, a knife next to him. His face was twisted in agony, holding his stomach like he'd throw up.

I crashed on my knees, feeling my stitches catch on the fabric of my shirt. "Jack? What are you doing here? You're supposed to-"

He grabbed my wrist and squeezed, "I- I can't go. Not like this. I can't-" He gasped, groaning with a crackling voice like fire.

I looked at the knife and my heart sank, "Jack no..."

"I'm so scared Ayla," He was crying, and his face was bright red.

Me too.

I grabbed his hand

"Ayla go. I don't want you to see this." He cried out, his head angling back, "I... I don't want you to... to be here when it happens."

"Absolutely not."

He smiled and shook his head, and it made me smile back. "You never listen."

"No. I don't." I force my lips against his before he can interject, saying more things that can break my heart.

I wanted to kiss him for so long.

He's taken off guard, but his shaking hand found the back of my head and held me in place, kissing me back.

This was supposed to be a simple kiss... a quick peck. Because I know now that I will see him again- I have to. I'll find a way to get my friends out of this.This feels like goodbye. This feels like desperation, making up for lost time. I knew he felt the same way, this was supposed to be our 'movie moment.'

At such an inappropriate time. I can't ignore that as he kisses me deeper.

He tilted up to kiss me. He doesn't want to stop, he's afraid of what will happen once he does, I could feel that.

I can feel his pain, the shaking in his muscles, the salty tears I'm tasting. This isn't going to stop anything.

I pull away, my forehead against his.

"I love you, Ayla. I think I always have."

I pulled away and looked at him- that was the first time I think I've ever heard it before. Maybe I've pictured it, pictured how someone would say it. Maybe I thought it would magically transform me. I didn't even know what love was until I met my silver-eyed family. I surprised myself when I whispered so easily, "I love you too." I paused, "You can let go now."

"What? No. No I can't-"

"Jack let the pain stop. Stay alive and I promise I'll be the one to get you out of this. You have to go... this isn't going to stop that from happening even though I wish it could."

His lips trembled, "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to give up when you made me realize I have too much to lose if I give up."

"Jack," I whispered. "You have to let go. It's okay. I'll be okay." I get up from my spot, he won't get the option.

He takes my hand and studies my face, trying to remember it as if it will help when Martin takes away his free thought. I was so deeply angry to be watching this happen to him, to think about that campsite full of Insurgents writhing and screaming in pain as they slowly lose themselves.

"Don't come looking for me."

I will. It was my turn to return the favor.

He gripped the chair around his neck and shakily reached behind him to take it off. He stared at it, letting his thumb trace over the two emblems imbedded in the rings. "Please take these. I don't want something bad to happen to them while I'm gone."

I nodded and took the chain, "Goodbye Jackson."

I felt like he had just... died in front of me. He closed his eyes and I watched the color drain from his face. I knew it was time for me to get out of here but I stood frozen, gazing at his body that seemed so lifeless.

None of it felt real at all. It was like I ceased to exist- I had no one to turn to, not even absent parents, Calvary was gone, Jack, Mavis, Kyle, everyone was gone. The world outside hated me and worse, feared me, blamed me for something I didn't do. They had all risked so much to provide me with comfort and care- and I got them reduced into shells of who they were.

I couldn't settle with that ending. It was time to be a hero. I didn't know how yet, but I was going to do whatever it took in order to find a way to get them back. They'd do the same for me.