Chapter 33 Destroy Me

Destroy Me by Grandson is so simple and yet so powerful and emotional. It's a pretty good song and the ending hits- I feel like every time I describe a song at some point I say "haha this describes my life," so I won't do that this time but... you already know.

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Ayla's eyes were sunken in and a dark shade of magenta with a twinge of sorrow. Just a twinge.

I'm kidding, everyday this situation gets worse. I'm running on maybe nine hours of sleep across these couple days and everything's starting to blend together in one messy ball of chaos and when it gets fuzzy I start talking nonsense. Everyday seems the same oddly enough, someone dies, someone almost dies, and here I am watching Mavis rub some cream on Ayla's stitches for the second or third time.

She looked up at me, her hands clenching the opposite shoulder. She didn't say anything but either I was making a face or she was trying to guilt trip me with the sad eyes.

"Alright... all done." Mavis bit her lips into a straight line and stood up, offering a hand but just like the last couple days... Ayla didn't take it. She laid back on the ground on her stomach with her face turned out toward the light, with the same decaying hazel eyes.

I took a deep breath as subtly as I could manage, "You know where to find us. Lurk if you need anything."

I held open the tent and closed it behind Mavis. Without wasting a breath Mavis whirled around, "I'm worried about her. She's not eating. She hasn't spoken a word since..." Her eyes got distant, for a second I thought maybe she was having a vision but she quickly shook her head.

Obviously I'm worried too. Ayla is the best thing to have ever come into my life, she makes me feel like a person with valid feelings, she makes everyone around her feel like there's good in the world. She almost died. She bled all over Mavis and me. And now we all have to ask the question of what Martin's plan is and where are they hiding in these woods. Why even bother waiting?

Mavis grabbed my arm and guided me further away from the tent, "What I'm about to say I really wish I didn't have to."

I raised an eyebrow and let my back hit the trunk of a tree. I knew what she would say, which is the downside of my power, and I hate that I already came to the same conclusion.

"Ayla needs to be handed over to someone who can hide her. The rest of the rebels are starting to stir wanting to hurt her or worse." She was talking low, wary of those who might be listening. I hated that despite rebels having a common goal of protecting and preventing, some were so angry that they wanted to take it out on Ayla. I thought revealing her lineage would help explain why we were trying so hard and why the Insurgence was having a field day with torment- but it was always a double-edged sword.

I closed my eyes and thought about the day I officially met her. I remember hearing the same voice of the girl I would chase at recess in her screams at me. I ever remember questioning myself, my plan to be professional and hard on her because even from that day in a gas station bathroom I knew I wanted to know her. I shared a bed with her and slept well for the first time in years. I had a job and a role- I was making a difference in someone's life.

"We tried our best but the situation was always too big for our hands," She sighed. "Maybe we can steal a car or get on a plane and take her to California."

"And what of Martin's plan?" I crossed my arms.

She shrugged, "I can't force myself to get a vision about it. Whatever it is, future me is unaware and won't send me anything."

I nodded with a scoff. If Mavis' future self can't send a vision to her then somehow Martin has blocked her power or Mavis isn't in control of her own mind or body? Maybe she was lying and in reality was going to backstab us just like Ethan and Jasmine.

She put a hand on my shoulder, "I hate to say it but I don't know how we're supposed to come out of this."

I didn't want to agree, but everything did feel a little hopeless right now.

"So I think it's best you say your goodbyes and we get going fast before Martin comes to collect us."

I was angry- so many pieces strewn about that weren't connecting. Too many questions were unanswered. I was losing people everyday and now I was going to lose a girl I care for. I can't seem to catch a break- it's times like these I really wonder what I did at such a young age to piss off the universe this badly.

I turned toward Mavis and froze, my heart stopping. Ayla finally left the tent and was standing next to us. Her hair was matted, and she looked thinner, paler even. Her shoulders were hunched forward most likely due to the stitches in her back but here she was finally standing.

"Martin's plan," She gulped, taking a breath. "Martin plans to make everyone into something called drones. You'll follow all his commands without being aware- your humanity and free will turned off." She looked at me and frowned, "Any moment now. He already sent his message," She held her shoulders, touching over the untarnished skin.

My stomach dropped as did Mavis' mouth. "My... that's why I can't see the future."

I gripped the fabric of my shirt, "Probably explains the freezings too. He's been testing it out for a long time." I turned around and cursed under my breath.

"So maybe it won't work-"

I cut her off quickly, "Why else would they send Ayla back like this? They bested us! Why would Ethan and Jasmine switch sides- they knew we were going to lose!"

"They made their choice," Ayla spoke up, making both of us stop bickering. "Ethan wanted to feel powerful and Jasmine thought she was doing the right thing. It's the truth," She shrugged, her hands coming back down and slapping her thighs. "Maybe Jasmine and Ethan wanted to save their own skin but we are wasting time. I heard what you both said and it's too late to get me that far."

I cursed again, kicking bark off the tree. "God damnit she's probably right. We don't have time!" I ran my hands through my hair and quickly tried to control my wavering breathing. Guess I can add another thing to lose to the list... me.

Ayla sighed, "I don't want this to be how it all ends."

"That's the world for you. Bullshit."

Mavis grabbed my arm and dangerously shook her head at me, silently telling me to control myself before I say something I regret.

"I can't help but feel partially responsible for all this. I mean... I never should've been born. Maybe if I got shipped off to a different country this never would've happened..." Her voice trailed off and I could see how glossy her eyes were getting and I didn't want to see tears during this goodbye. Her thoughts were riddled with self-destructive and degrading thoughts.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "You don't deserve this stupid, messed up situation. It's not your fault."

I wish I could hug her without extremely hurting her.

Ayla gave a soft smile, "I do have an idea. You can't take me to California so... take me to my house. No one is going to expect me to be back there and maybe I can arrange someone to come get me."

"Ayla..." Mavis frowned. "It's risky-"

"Jack can take me. Then he won't know where he took me since... you know."

The thought that soon I wouldn't have any control over my own body made my skin crawl.

"I'll do it. I'll go with her and then I'll come back."

Ayla gave another painful smile, "I'll figure it out from there." She looked at Mavis and the worried look she was giving, "There is literally nothing else we can do. If I am here while you guys turn then who knows what'll happen to me, and then I'll have silver eyes just like both of you. Is that what you want."

"Feisty." Kyle pulled up next to her and gave her a grin, forced compared to his usual charm but none of us were our usual charismatic selves.

Ayla took a deep breath and nodded, "Then it's settled... I guess this is goodbye to the two of you."

Mavis and Kyle gave her sad looks with plastic smiles awkwardly etched on. "Get far away from here, Ayla. Be safe." Mavis wrapped a careful hand around Ayla's shoulders and then let go. "I know I'll see you again," She whispered.

Kyle leaned down and kissed her cheek, "Glad I got to meet you, princess. It didn't feel like the world was ending when you were around."

She laughed with a sniffle, "I guess that's a good thing," She was looking at me as she said it which made my cheeks flare up. I knew we would have to say goodbye too, and our window of opportunity to execute her plan without any hitches was closing. I didn't want to hurt her and be the one who drags her to Martin's clutches.

"Ayla we should go... won't be easy to steal someone's car." I looked between Kyle and Mavis. I wanted to hug them so badly but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It didn't feel real, that this was most likely the last time I'd speak to them. Becoming a drone was a fate worse than death, it was inescapable. Maybe I'd be a shell and watch myself do terrible things, maybe I'd cease to exist. It was unimaginable just like dying, but living with one purpose: to hunt Ayla and go back to a man who ruined your life.

I took a step back, my eyes still locked on theirs. If they wanted to say anything- if I wanted to let go and say goodbye- then we would never know and we would never get the chance. I stepped back and turned around and didn't look back. I grabbed Ayla's hand and led us quickly out of the campsite, following the road I always took when I left the base.