Chapter 32 Tonight Is The Night I Die

I lost my notebooks, my crutches to humanity in the blast but... I can still pretend. Pretending is a neat distraction from all the shit that is going on. Usually I have a title before everything goes to shit but this time... the title came to me afterwards.

-

It was well past midnight now and I was starting to get worried. The idea of Jasmine coming and wanting Ayla to talk with her alone was extremely unlike her- I wanted to tell her not to go but it wasn't my choice. And just the way Jasmine was speaking to her? Uncharacteristically shaky? Something wasn't right. I should've read her mind, and oddly enough she's out of my proximity and won't lurk back to me. Ayla even if out of my proximity.

Anyways I'm freaking out.

Everyone for the most part is asleep except for those on night watch whom I decided to join for tonight. Everything has just been so unorganized and chaotic and it's so emotionally draining to be here. People were looking to me now which I found funny considering my previous treatment. Everyday I hear the cries of those with long term injuries and those who mourn the eight rebels we lost in the explosion. Everything was falling apart.

I feel guilty knowing I brought Ayla hear and I hear the thoughts everyday of those who blame me for losing their home and belongings. Truthfully, it was Ethan's fault. He was selfish to do this all because he was tired of living in Kyle's shadow and hearing childish taunting? He never should've been a rebel with such weak willpower.

Uncertainty clung to the air, the smell of blood and death corrupting my nose. I had a terrible feeling about this- why did I let her go? Why didn't I go with? And why the hell did Jasmine take her out so far away? I felt like deep down I knew what happened but I couldn't say it. At this point given the circumstances I was clinging onto hope.

Mavis snuck up on me, sighing deeply. She'd been so upset and tired since the explosion, I know part of her died along with the base. "Any sign of either of them?"

I rolled my eyes, "No. And if I do happen to find Jasmine first and Ayla isn't with her, I'm not holding back."

Her lips fell, "Jack..."

"No." I couldn't live with myself if the one thing that gets Ayla hurt turns out to be something I could've stopped. If what hurts her turns out to be Jasmine after all we have been through together... I don't know what I'll do. I probably wouldn't win either.

We both jumped and grabbed our knives when we heard stirring in the trees and the sound of twigs snapping.

"Jasmine?" Mavis called out, looking around worriedly.

My eyes widened, "No. It's... Ayla..."

Ayla crept out of the trees slowly, hunched over holding scraps of fabric against her chest. I heard Mavis' knife drop to the ground beside me but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Ayla. Blood was dripping down her back and forming puddles underneath every shaking step below.

My stomach churned and a nauseous feeling twisted throughout my skin. I don't like blood.

"She couldn't have done this!" Mavis gagged. "She wouldn't-" She called out following behind me as I started forward.

My hand snapped back and shoved Mavis to the side. She hit the floor with a thud and gasped but I didn't bother looking. I'd have time to regret that later.

Ayla looked up at me, her face twisting in pain. Her hair was disheveled and clumped together from dried blood. She was visibly shaking and crying. "Help me," She whispered before collapsing.

That sprung me forward towards her, my hands catching her head before it hit the dirt. Her eyes were dilated and unresponsive and I knew she could possibly die right here if we didn't do something.

"Mavis!" I yelled. My heart felt like it could explode, like a ticking time bomb. "Ayla keep breathing please." I held her face steady when Mavis came to her legs and grabbed them.

"We need to her her to a tent. She'll bleed out or get an infection." I helped her hoist Ayla up and drag her backwards up the hill back to the campsite. "I have supplies back in my tent."

"I need to hear Jasmine say she did this," Mavis sighed.

As I scanned through Ayla's head, I grunted when I saw that it wasn't Jasmine who did this. Two Insurgents I remember from our lessons, Paul and Olivia, they did this and Jasmine turned Ayla in. She betrayed us too after she had literally just fought Ethan and helped everyone evacuate.

I felt like I could be sick.

We carried Ayla up the hill. I was holding my breath and gagging when her blood dropped staining my jeans and shoes. I could hear the sound of her crying and yelping. People were staring and coming out of their tents because of how loud her cries were. I hated hearing how some of them believed she deserved this.

I can't lose her too. Not after everything we've been through.

"This has to work." I don't know why I said it instead of keeping it to myself.

Mavis stared at me before giving me a stern nod. She'd been different for obvious reasons these past couple days, even being cold to Ayla. After losing two of her allies and friends, rebels, her home, I can imagine exactly what she's feeling. We needed this little family now more than ever.

Kyle caught up behind us, "What the hell is going on?" He shouted.

"Ayla's hurt!" Mavis called back, looking over her shoulder. "Unzip my tent and find me more first aid kits."

Kyle glanced at me then stopped, bending over to unzip her tent. "Mavis we don't have-"

The resources.

"Go!" She snapped.

Kyle shook his head and with a grunt, turned back around and sprinted in the direction he came. I felt bad for some reason, watching him deteriorate from what his brother did, being ordered around like he isn't apart of this group. Ayla needs him just as much as she needs us.

Ayla screamed when we set her down sitting up, immediately hunching over with her hands crossed around her chest. She had scraps of shirt left, soaked in blood and dirt. Finally I could see what exactly they did to her- how horrid.

They carved an X into her back with a whip or baton of some kind. The surrounding skin was raised and irritated, and chunks of bark and dirt were stuck in the bloody mess.

I swallowed hard and sat in front of her. Her eyes were shriveled up from how hard she clenched them shut, her mouth was twisted and emitting terrible sobs. I wished so bad I could take the pain away from her- this was all my fault.

Mavis took in the wound with a look of horror all over her face. "Everything is gonna be alright, Ayla." She gulped. "You're gonna be fine," She whispered, grabbing a pair of scissors.

Ayla yelled when Mavis went to cut the rest of her clothing off. "Stop! Stop it please don't." She held herself tighter.

Mavis closed her eyes, "I'm sorry Ayla I have to. I can't have the fabric getting in the way."

I grabbed her hand, "Ayla it's okay."

She shook her head.

"You know us, you trust us. You know I'm not going to look. Let us help you, that's all that matters."

She buried her face into my shoulder, squeezing my hand. I sighed in relief and grabbed her hair, throwing it over my shoulder. "You're okay," I whispered. "Squeeze when it's too much."

The tent opened, revealing Kyle and... Jasmine.

I squeezed Ayla's hand, "You've got some nerve-"

Jasmine shook her head, "Shut up Jackson."

Kyle held his hands up, "Woah what?" He  looked between us. "What? Are we saying Jasmine did this?"

She faltered, "Look," she said softly. "They said that if I turned Ayla in myself then we would be spared from Martin's plan to bring all his Insurgents home. Come on it was the right thing to do! All of this is because of her!"

"Jack, stay calm," Mavis muttered.

Ayla shrieked as Mavis began to pluck out debris caught in her lacerated skin. Ayla was digging her nails into my skin so hard it cracked my knuckles. Didn't expect such strength but I held it together.

Kyle scoffed, "Are you serious? You- you too?"

"Kyle it was to keep everyone safe-"

He shoved her, "You hated her the moment she got here! She didn't do anything to you!"

"They're never going to stop! You think Martin is just going to let his daughter go?" She was breathing heavily, clearly cornered. "First it's the base then what? All for one girl? We can't stop what's inevitable-" She cried out when Kyle shoved her again, sending her to the ground.

"If you guys are going to do this then take it somewhere else not in my tent!" Mavis poured some alcohol into a towel and dabbed it onto Ayla's skin.

I listened to her screams all night long. I didn't sleep. Mavis wasn't even done stitching her up until hours later. I thought about all the things I could've said to Jasmine, things that maybe Eveline would've said that would be just right. What was Martin's plan Jasmine was talking about? Why did they send her back when they had her right there?

It was clear now: Ayla would never be safe with me. She needed to be taken somewhere out of state- maybe to a more established base like California's. I just knew she couldn't stay here or Jasmine would be right: she'd be turned and I would've failed again. She could've died today. I just can't live with the thought of her dying or fighting against me on my mind.