16

"Get up my beauty, it's breakfast." Cyrian's voice woke me up with the same words as yesterday and the day before.

"Morning," I mumbled sleepily into my pillow. I had discovered that I was actually a late riser when I switched off my previous sleep schedule. I had never realized before what an amazing feeling it is to sleep in. Unfortunately, life with Cyrian also had its downsides.

Of course, I liked the fact that I always had enough and delicious food available and the fact that I didn't have to do all the training hours was more than just pleasant, but I still missed a lot. Above all, the movement. I had spent the last three days just commuting between the dining room, the bedroom and the library. I used to fall into bed exhausted and tired, but now I was up late at night because I just had too much energy left.

But what bothered me almost more was the fact that I didn't have a real job. I wanted to aim for something like I was used to. I had been training to train for the next fight and now I just lived on. It was still bearable, because it hadn't been like this for long, but I knew in the long run the golden cage in which I was trapped would crush me.

Still tired, I got out of bed and started my morning ritual. Freshly dressed, I made my way to the dining room.

The tension between me and Cyrian was odd. There was still this incredible attraction between us and I noticed that he apparently had to fight extremely against it. Nevertheless, he seemed strangely reserved to me in the last few days, as if he were hiding something from me or was ashamed of something.

We also spoke little to each other. We spent most of our time together either at dinner or in the library. But we hardly ever spoke.

Nevertheless, I had been able to get to know him better. I had noticed that he ate almost nothing sweet and consumed a lot of meat. He almost only drank water, beer or wine. He preferred, to my surprise, old romance novels.

It was just little things that I only noticed by observing, but somehow I was happy about each of these little things.

But today was different. I had decided to break the iron silence that reigned for no reason.

I had to gather all my courage to ask the question because I had a hard time assessing the atmosphere between us and I had no idea how he would react.

"Cyrian?" I asked hesitantly. He immediately looked away from his plate and beamed at me with those incredible eyes. " Anything we can do outside today?"

The day was beautiful, the sun was beating down on the city and the sky was almost preternaturally blue. I really wanted to feel the sun's rays on my skin, enjoy the fresh wind and, above all, get some exercise. I didn't really care what we were going to do, but I had to get out of this house, at least for a few hours.

But Cyrian shook his head vigorously. "No." he replied "I'm sorry."

"Why?" questioningly and somewhat defiantly I fixed Cyrian. In the last few days he had been silent about me and now he didn't want to do me a small favor? What had happened in the last few days? What happened to the "I'll fulfill your every wish" thing?

"It's dangerous. Our trip to the pack is doing the rounds and there are already pictures of you all over the internet. Everyone knows who you are and what you look like." he explained to me, but kept his eyes singed.

"But that's never going to change. They won't forget my face or who I am and I can't stay in here and hide forever."

Cyrain didn't reply anymore, but he had looked up briefly and his eyes had reflected exactly what I had feared. He wasn't planning on letting me out of here too often.

I snorted angrily. "What happened to the: I'll fulfill your every wish and make you happy - stuff?" I snapped at him.

"The premise is that you're safe, and you're not out there!" Cyrian's voice also grew louder.

"But not here either. You're never 100 percent safe anywhere. That's just a lame excuse! What's the matter with you at the moment?!" I hissed at him now.

I expected him to start yelling at me too, getting angry like the last time we argued. But he just ran a hand through his hair again and looked down.

I got up and walked around the table. I carefully took his hand and looked at him until his eyes found mine again.

"Cyrian what's wrong with you?"

A tense silence settled again and I could clearly see Cyrian struggling with himself, trying to figure out what to say to me. Eventually he gave up the resistance.

"Don't be so mad at me okay?" his voice was sad and thick.

"I had already put them away and didn't really want to look in. I really wanted to tell you."

" What do you think?" I asked critically. What had he already put away and where did he not want to look? What did he want to tell me?

"I got the file on your brother."

I released his hands. I took a few steps back, stunned by the news.

Cyrian looked up at me, guilty and hurt. "And I read them. I'm so sorry."

I looked at Cyrian with trepidation.

"Give them to me." my voice was surprisingly steady.

Cyrian nodded dejectedly before getting up and leaving the room to get the file. I was left shocked, scared and completely overwhelmed by all the indefinable feelings that were choking me.

Cyrian was standing behind me with his large hands on my shoulders protectively. I sat back on the chair at the dining table, but instead of a plate, there was now a thin black folder in front of me. The file had nothing on it except my brother's name and it was extremely thin. I ran my fingers over the protruding block letters for the umpteenth time.

Actually, it didn't bother me so much what was in the folder, the question haunted my head much more what I wanted for my brother. Would I take it if he was dead? Probably yes. As cold and harsh as that sounded, I was long past being the last of my family. But was that really me?

So many questions, but this thin folder in front of me could answer some of them. I slowly drove to the edge of the folder. Without thinking twice, I opened it and examined the contents. It really wasn't much, but it was enough.

The documents resembled a simple profile. Only collected information that was then printed out. But it was enough for me. There was enough there to know what I needed to know.

My brother was still alive.

He had been pardoned and now lived in a place apparently called Hellsbrook. Probably a city of wolves as the name meant nothing to me.

Suddenly I realized how stupid it was of me to worry so much. My brother was alive and the only thing I felt was relief. Maybe he actually had something to do with the cruel deeds in Undervillage, but then he was still innocent, he had been a child after all, who knows what the other villagers had told him about the wolves.

No, the Thomas I had known, whom I looked up to and admired, had always been a good person, I was suddenly sure of that.

"I have to see him." I turned to Cyrian frantically, eyes shining. "Can I see him? Please."

Once again I just got a shake of the head.

"I have to see him, Cyrian," I said again, emphatically.

"You still owe me because you looked at the file and you didn't tell me." I argued, realizing that Cyrian still didn't agree.

"I'm sorry I looked at the files and didn't let you know." admitted Cyrian. "But it's not that easy with your brother, you don't know everything yet."

Confused, I looked into Cyrian's beautiful eyes and only then realized how close his face was to mine.

"The place, Hellsbrook, is very close to the outer border." Cyrian explained to me. His face came even closer to mine.

"External borders?" I breathed confused. "I thought the wolves took everything?"

One moved a few centimeters away and finally I could breathe again.

"We did too. But after that there were disputes among the wolves. I was able to resolve most of them, but there is still a small group of rebels. I have no idea how they manage to hide so well. It is known where their camp is is approximate, but no matter how many soldiers I send, somehow they manage to defeat them all." Cyrian explained in a hoarse voice. "It's extremely dangerous there."

"I have to go there, Cyrian, please." I almost begged.

Crazy how quickly I could change my mind. A few minutes ago I didn't even know if I wanted my brother alive and now I would put up with any dangerous situation to see him at least once. I needed answers and he would be able to provide them.

"No!"

Cyrian's mood had changed just as quickly as my opinion of my brother. His eyes sparkled with anger and concern at the same time. He straightened menacingly and approached me again. Very close.

My heart was beating faster and my throat was getting dry and raw as I realized our lips were only inches apart. The piercing look in his gray eyes captured me.

"Don't you understand it still? Don't you see how important you are to me? How hard it is for me to be without you or how hard it is for me not to attack you every moment I'm with you? You always can don't understand yet that nothing in this whole world is more important to me than you? That I can't possibly put you in danger?"

It kept getting louder and more accusatory.

The look in his eyes wasn't as angry anymore, but rather desperate now. Desperate because I really didn't understand. Of course I felt that need, that attraction between us. But I just couldn't understand her.

Didn't he see that?

How difficult is it for me to open myself to this new world into which he had led me?

Wasn't he able to understand that I needed at least one thing from my old world to cling to?

Didn't he see that?

I didn't even have to voice my thoughts because Cyrian could read me like an open book.

"I know it's hard for you." he explained in a still loud voice. "It is for me too, for everyone. I wish I could grant you this wish, but the risk is too great. I just can't lose you.

I don't just like you

I don't just love you

You're my Everything. My world would be nothing without you.

It's just as difficult and unusual for me as it is for you. Everything in me longs for you and you are so damn close to me, but I have to keep my distance. I fight and fight against all this, but it almost crushes me. I don't know how much longer I can resist the urge to grab you and with you..."

He didn't get any further, because I no longer had the strength to fight against all this. Against my prejudices, against my desires, against this incredible tension between us.

I was tired of fighting and all the reasons I was fighting us suddenly became completely irrelevant as I leaned forward and bridged the last few inches between us and my lips met his.