Chapter 16 I Never Want To Hurt You Like This

"I thought you'll come back tomorrow?" Liam bitterly greeted Louis.

The boy ignored his sarcastic remark and just went inside his flat before sitting on the sofa.

"Are you willing to push through with the engagement? If you are, then so am I." Louis said, straight to the point.

Liam stilled. "What happened? Just a while ago, you're almost waging World War III to cancel our engagement."

"Answer my question."

Liam can't. He'd be too obvious.

"It tears you up, doesn't it?"

His eyes snapped back to Louis' face. "What tears me up?" He nervously asked.

Louis couldn't have possibly known the truth could he? That he's…

Shit. Liam quickly cut his train of thought.

"Your desire to make your dad happy and your repulsion to marry me. It tears you up, doesn't it?"

Liam breathed in relief. "Yeah." He nodded. Why didn't he thought of that? Those reasons are plausible.

"So Liam, let's get to the point." Louis squared his shoulders. "What I'm asking is, are you willing to go through with this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with me for the peace of mind of our parents? For the sake of our mothers' dying wish? If you are, then so am I." Louis said it so casually and so bluntly it almost made Liam wince. This boy really know how to hurt him so much.

He stared at Louis. Spend the rest of his life with the pixie-boy. It sounded so good to him. He can already imagine growing old with Louis. Is that really possible? He was swimming in his thoughts and Louis noticed it.

"If you don't want to, it's also okay. I don't want to pressure you; think about it first." Louis was about to stand up and Liam panicked. All his doubts and dilemmas flew instantly out of the window in fright of letting this opportunity pass by. It was now or never; take it or leave it. He doesn't have the luxury to analyze his options and emotions further.

"I'm willing." He quickly answered even before Louis could stand up.

At the back of Liam's mind, he already know that in the end, even if he made many detours, his answer will remain the same.

"It's a deal then." Louis offered his hand for a handshake. Liam just looked at it.

"I've got a better idea." Liam said as he yanked Louis to him and finally succumbed to his suppressed desires. He kissed Louis fully on the mouth.

*****

"You okay?" Liam asked. He wound his arms around the his fiancé’s waist and embraced Louis from behind before kissing the side of Louis' neck.

Louis tilted his head involuntarily to give Liam more access. Liam's hand slid inside Louis' shirt and caressed his skin. His other hand went towards his face and turned it to face him. He kissed his way from Louis' neck to his jaw, then to his lips. Louis sighed and rested his head on Liam's chest when the kiss ended.

Kissing Liam felt so natural now, like they’ve been doing it all their lives, when in fact, it was just more than a week since they decided to go through with the engagement. And now, they're currently at the kitchen of Louis and Mark's home.

"Where are our Dads?" Louis asked his boyfriend.

He is getting some desserts when Liam suddenly appeared behind him and kissed him. They just finished eating dinner and their family were talking about the last details of their formal engagement announcement.

"They're in the library, still talking. Are you okay? You seem out of yourself since earlier." Liam turned him around to look at him more closely and properly. He touched his forehead.

"You don't seem like you have a fever."

Louis can't help the smile on his face. "Why do you always assume that when something's wrong with me, it means I have a fever?"

"Maybe because the last time you had a fever, you acted weird more than you normally do." Louis hit Liam's chest lightly. Liam laughed and kissed his forehead. "Is this what you'll bring?" Liam glanced at the plate of sliced fruits on the counter.

Louis nodded. Liam took the tray and walked out of the kitchen first. When he did not follow immediately, Liam questioningly looked back at him.

"Let's go, babe." He said as he held the tray with one hand and stretched the other towards him.

Louis blushed at the endearment. Liam had been calling him endearments since last week and until now, he still gets flustered by it. It woke him out of his trance-like mind and placed his hand on Liam's outstretched one. The man pulled him close and kissed the back of his hand before intertwining it with his.

*****

In the library, they talked lightly about the engagement. Because they have an events planner, they have nothing to worry about so they just talked about trivial things.

Past nine when the Paynes decided to go home. Mark walked Geoff towards the car. Louis was about to follow them outside when Liam pulled him back inside the library.

Liam quickly closed and locked the door, pulled Louis to him, then leaned down to kiss him. And of course, Louis kissed him back.

Liam grabbed the back of Louis' thighs and hoisted the smaller boy up. Louis instinctively wrapped his legs around Liam's hips and held on to his neck as his back hit the closed door.

Liam kept on playing with Louis' lips, biting, nipping, sucking and tugging it between his teeth. "Li.. our Dads..." Louis gasped in between kisses, fighting with his self control.

"... are outside, Lou.." Liam groaned out as his lips moved over Louis' jaw. Louis' head fell back as Liam's mouth slid to the side of his neck.

The languid sweeping motion of Liam's tongue trailed back to Louis' mouth. Sucking in Louis' lower lip, Liam swallowed Louis' moans as he held his fiancé closer.

"Li." Louis gasped out as he tugged Liam's hair which has now grown a bit from its buzz cut and looked him in the eye. Liam got the message.

Pulling back, his brown eyes took in his work; Louis' lips were swollen from their kiss, his breathing was as ragged as his.

Liam nodded slowly as his fingertips slid over Louis' flushed cheeks and gently put the boy down.

"Sleep tight, Love. Don't stay up late. Maybe you're always spacing out because you haven't gotten enough sleep." Louis heard Liam whisper. Then Liam kissed the tip of his nose before walking out of the door.

Louis stared blankly at the door.

What's happening is alright. It's just alright that he responds to Liam's kiss. It's just alright for him to believe Liam's concern for him. Liam will be his husband after all. So definitely, it's alright for Louis to let himself love Liam- completely and without holding back. It was alright to be happy, right?

Louis breathed deeply. It's okay, it's okay. It's only natural. He told himself desperately.

He wants to think that it was the best solution. He was doing this for their parents... to help Liam make his father happy. But who is he kidding?

He smiled disgustedly to himself.

He's doing this for himself. Because it was making him happy. He was so happy he almost want to pull the days to their wedding day, to make sure that Liam will be with him for the rest of his life. He was doing this because he was selfish…

He vaguely noticed the tears that spilled out from his eyes, as well as the person who appeared by the door.

"Son, what time is- Louis!"

He looked at his father blankly.

"Dad..." His tears kept on pouring down.

"Louis, sweetie, what happened? Why are you crying?" Mark held his shoulders.

"Dad," He repeated. His facial expression was blank, but the tears just kept on falling down.

"Louis, what's happening? Don't be like this." There was panic in his father's voice.

"I'm o-okay, Dad. There's nothing wrong, I'm just... don't mind me." But his face says otherwise.

His father stared at him and his expression became very hurtful. Mark knows, Louis would not cry like that unless it was really painful and difficult for him. Mark embraced him and that triggered his emotions. Louis broke into sobs as his knees gave out and they both slid down the floor- his father still holding him.

"Dad... I t-think I love him. D-Dad, what should I do? I... I'm being selfish." He cried out. Mark tightened his arms around his son. "Dad, it's p-painful. It really hurts, Dad. I thought I'd be okay. I... I thought I can go through with this, but, Dad... I love him. I don't think I can go on like... not like this, not this way-"

"Lou, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, this is my fault." Mark pecked his head. "I'm sorry, Lou. I never want to hurt you like this. We will make this okay. I'll make this okay. I'm sorry, Louis... I'm sorry."

Louis kept on crying and clinging to his Superman.