Chapter 152 After

Andrei

"It's been one year since you left." Avalyn's hollow voice floated to my ear.

She was sitting crossed leg in front of the Bonsai tree with her back to me. I don't even think she heard me enter. I'm not sure if she was even aware of anything around her. Or that she has been here since two hours. I know she comes here every night when the twins are sleeping and she thinks that nobody notices. But I hear her sneak out of her room and every night and I follow her every night just to make sure she is safe or she doesn't do anything stupid. It's normally half an hour or one hour at the most before she returns back.

But today, it's been well over two hours and I got worried so I decided to step inside the observatory and check in on her.

"It's been one year since I could feel the warmth of your chest, since I could admire your beautiful grey eyes and the happiness in your smile." She was talking to Nikolai. "I dared to go to balcony today. The ocean reminded me of you. It made me miss you so much," her shoulders shook as she cried.

Tears rose in my eyes and I looked at the ceiling to stop them from falling down my cheeks. I glared at the moon through the glass pane.

How could Mother Luna do this? How could she just take him away like that? He had so much to live for. He was happy. Finally happy. But she took him away from us.

"T-today was one of those days that I had to skip breakfast again." Her voice quivered but she didn't let herself stumble over her words. "I can't stand pancakes. Or waffles. Or chocolate. Or strawberries. Or coffee. How can I eat when you will never be able to?" The room was saturated with the smell of her salty tears and the smell of her deep, heart-breaking pain.

"I miss you. I miss me. I miss being happy. I miss the days when nothing apart from you mattered. The days when the house echoed with our laughs and growls. Oh those were days." Sobs wrecked her body. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs and cried.

My heart broke. If I could, I would have exchanged my life for his in an instant.

Yes, they would be sad and in pain. But they would move on.

Nikolai, on the other hand, he has a mate and two beautiful kids. Avalyn will never move on. She will always be this miserable. Her kids will grow up not knowing how awesome their father was or how great of a man he was. The Kingdom will never have a King as great as him. Max, Nat and I were taking responsibility for everything going on but it's taking a huge toll on us. I don't know how Nikolai and Avalyn did it and made it seem so easy.

Dimitri was still dealing with everything that happened with Althea. He ran back to the beach mansion in his fur and hadn't looked back. Mikhail went after him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Mikhail said he had a few...close calls, but he was doing a little better. He just didn't want to do anything related to the Kingdom anymore, especially with Nikolai gone too...

We would go visit him sometimes but he didn't even acknowledge us. It was like we weren't even there.

My brother just needed time.

With so many of us gone, our family felt broken.

But maybe, we just needed time as well.

"...you're gone but the weight of your memories is too heavy of a load for my shoulders because I know we won't be making any more. You're gone, Nik." Avalyn voice shook. "And you took my happiness with you when you left. Your absence has left me lost. And I-I'm not sure I know how to find my way back again."

The pain in her voice was too much.

I didn't know how to help her. What to say. How to make it better.

But there was nothing I could say or do that would make it better. Nikolai is gone. And he isn't coming back.

"I don't know how to be a mother. I don't know how I can fill a father's void. I don't want to fill your void. I want them to miss you too. Does that make me a bad mother?"

I swiped my wet cheek. Oh Goddess.

"My arms search for you at night, finding nothing but the cold bed. Meanwhile in my dreams, I reach for your hand and you are right there." She rocked back and forth. "The bed's cold without you. Everything hurts. And yet I feel numb. I want to kill myself and be with you again but the kids...you'd hate me for being selfish."

"Avalyn..." my voice shook as I called her.

She whipped her head around, as if only now realising that someone was here. Her tear streaked cheeks met mine. And more tears rose in her eyes when she saw me crying.

Her red lips quivered before she turned around to look at the tree again.

My knees felt weak when I walked forward and sat beside her as she cried.

I don't know for how long we sat and I heard her cry her little heart out. For some reason, sitting here brought me peace, like I was closer to Nikolai somehow. Did she feel that way too? Was that why she came here? So she could mourn him in peace?

"I miss him." She said quietly, her voice melancholy. "So much it hurts. Will this pain ever go away?"

She didn't give me much time to answer, her thoughts miles away from here.

"I try not to think about it all. No matter how hard I try to distract myself. Nothing makes me feel better." I know she never cried tried not to cry in front of the kids. She tried to smile and pretend to me happy, or normal at least. But there were times she would break down and then they would start crying too. And that made her cry more.

"It will go away eventually. The aching will go away. I promise." I said, trying to convince both of us.

She can't be sad forever right?

"I -I don't want it to go away. Feeling the pain of his loss is better than being happy," she whispered.

I scooted closer to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, offering her comfort. "He would want you to happy, Avalyn."

"And I wanted him to live. Not everyone gets what they what," she lowered her head to my shoulder and more tears slid down her face.

"He would be so pissed right now." An empty chuckle escaped my lips. "I'm pretty sure he is growling at me from heaven right now, asking me to stop touching you."

A sob mixed with a laugh left her throat, "if he's so mad, he can come down here and say it to your face." She raised her hands to wipe her cheeks and she stared aimlessly at the tree again, "please come back to me, Nik."

I wiped a lone tear from my own cheek.

I wish I could actually make him mad enough that he had to come back.

"The sun's rising, we should go." I looked at the sky.

Her eyes widened. "The twins. I need to check on them." She was on her feet in an instant. They were the only ones that kept her going. They were the reason Avalyn was alive, they were the reason she woke up every morning and got out of bed. They were the reason she smiled.

I got up and then we made our way back to our quarters. We climbed upstairs together before we parted ways to go to our own rooms.

I decided to get an hour's sleep before I heading for training. I had a headache and Chiara would handle it.

I decided to check up on the kids before I fell asleep. I had a feeling that today was going to be a long day. And it must be day time in the States. I picked up my phone and called the Mrs. Harrison.

"Hello, Andrei." She greeted.

"Hello Mrs. Harrison. Are Vanessa or Adrian around?" I asked. Normally I could have chatted with her for a while but I was in no mood right now.

"Well, Adrian is home with a babysitter and I've brought Nessa to her friend Allie's birthday party." She said and I could hear some screaming in the background.

"Oh," Van must be busy. "I guess I'll just call later."

"Is it Andrei?" Van screamed in the background.

"It is." I could hear the smile in Mrs. Harrison's voice before Vanessa screamed through the speakers, "Andrei! I missed you!"

It seemed like someone had too much sugar.

"I missed you too, little one." I smiled. She always managed to put me in a good mood.

"It's Allie's birthday! Here, wish her!" There was some rustling and Van was screaming for Allie to come to her.

Next thing I knew, I heard some more screaming before the line went dead. I sighed. It was bad timing. But at least she was having fun.

When Adrik and Nikolai made the deal...the one where Nikolai agreed to sacrifice himself in the end, he also agreed when Adrik demanded for Adrian and Vanessa to be sent to live in the human world. I don't know why and I don't even think Nikolai knew the reason. But Adrik promised he wouldn't harm them in any way. That was enough for Nikolai.

Nikolai said that Adrik's word could be trusted. So that was what we did.

Adrik also wanted us to stop searching for him and to leave him be. In return, he handed an unharmed Mikhail back and promised that he would not harm our family, our pack and leave Jiv and never come back.

The sacrifice Nikolai had done for his mate and his family was something that most people couldn't fathom. He gave up on his lifelong hatred for father and his life so that Avalyn could live a happy and safe life with their kids like she always wanted.

He knew that it came at a great cost but he was willing to pay. And it's been a whole damn year since that unfortunate day.

Suddenly, I felt Avalyn's anger. I hadn't felt it since a very long time. I jumped out of bed and ran to her bedroom. The door was opened and Avalyn had pushed a slave against the wall, holding her throat.

"Who the hell are you?" She hissed.

I looked around and saw that the twins were still sleeping in their cribs. There was no other sign of anything wrong.

The slave opened her mouth but Avalyn was clearly choking her hard enough that she couldn't speak. And she didn't realise that in her rage.

I didn't know how to handle this. Nikolai was the one who handled her fits of anger. I sure as hell couldnt use his method. And she would fling me out of the balcony if I said anything wrong. I guess I'll have to wing it. Because I know that if she actually kills this female, she will feel terrible after her anger diminishes. And she doesn't need that right now.

"Avalyn? Let me handle this, please." I said softly.

Avalyn's head snapped to mine and I forced myself not to flinch at the fury in her eyes. She grunted, released the slave and stepped back.

The slave slumped to the floor, coughing and heaving hard to get in more oxygen.

"Who are you?" I asked.

She looked up at me with watery eyes. "R-Raine."

"Okay, Raine, what were you doing here?" I asked.

She wiped her cheeks and looked at me fearfully, "N-nothing. I swear! I was just looking after the babies!"

"Who gave you the permission to touch my kids?" Avalyn snarled, "Who gave you the permission to enter my bedroom?"

Eli came into the room and was looking at me with questions in his eyes but I shook my head discreetly. This was bad. No, it was the worst thing that could happen. Avalyn had PTSD after what happened with Althea. And with Nikolai gone—who always took care of her safety, she felt like she was left to fend for herself. And that it was her job alone to protect herself and her kids. I would go as far as saying that she was even more paranoid than Nikolai about safety and security.

Tears grew in Raine's eyes, "Tessa a-asked me to—" Damnit. Tessa should have known this. This isn't going to end well.

"Tessa!" Avalyn screamed, beckoning her.

"What's going on?" Eli asked Avalyn.

"I saw this female in my room when I came in, trying to pick up Klaus." She threw Raine a scathing look and the slave shrank back.

"Explain yourself, Raine." Eli crossed his arms.

Tessa came running in the bedroom, looking at us with wide eyes. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair still looked wet from her shower. Her gaze fell on Raine who was still on the floor and then she looked worried.

"Tessa called me and asked me to look after the kids for little but so she could freshen up. I was about to pick up Nikl—

"Prince Niklaus." Avalyn barked and she flinched and nodded quickly.

"I was about to pick up Prince Niklaus because he had wet himself. I— I thought I would change his diaper."

That made Avalyn more mad. "Don't lie to me!" She shrieked.

"I —I am not lying, Mis—"

"Niklaus cries when he needs a diaper change. I changed it before leaving. Why the hell were you touching him?" She hissed.

Tears grew in Raine's eyes, "He—he is cute? I thought I could play with him a little." Big mistake. Avalyn is extremely protective about her kids. They are the only reason she is alive. They are the only reason she is able to survive without Nikolai. No one outside our family is supposed to touch them. Especially not the humans, Avalyn feared they were prone to make mistakes and would drop them or something. Only Tessa was allowed to touch them as far as slaves were concerned.

I could practically see the steam come out of Avalyn's ears.

"Want to explain yourself?" Avalyn snapped her head towards Tessa.

"I didn't know when you would come back, Mistress. I needed to take a shower and—"

"Needed to take a shower?" Avalyn echoed, "you don't need anything. You are my slave! All you need to do is follow my orders! Don't forget that Nikolai saved your life! Is this how you repay it?" Avalyn hissed at her.

Tears grew in Tessa's eyes at her harsh words. Hell, I was shocked. Avalyn has never, never talked to her that way.

"I'm going to punish you." Avalyn spoke, her voice void, "and you too." She looked at Raine.

Both the slaves looked scared.

"Avalyn, I think it was a genuine mistake." Eli said softly, "it's Tessa. You know she wouldn't wish bad for you or your kids. You're just too angry right now."

Her fiery eyes stilled me with a glare, "you won't understand, Eli because you don't have kids you need to protect." And then she looked at Tessa. "I told you to look after them when I left. What made you think you could leave? What made you think you can order some other slave to follow the order I gave you? What made you think you could invite another slave into my bedroom? Who gave you that authority?"

"And you," she focused her glare on Raine, "how dare you step into my bedroom? It is common knowledge that you do not step into a Royal's bedroom without their explicit order. You cannot lie when you are asked a question! And you absolutely cannot touch the Prince just because he is cute." She screamed the last sentence. "His life is much, much, much more important than you and your entire lineage combined!"

Avalyn was a hundred percent right.

And then I heard a cry.

Avalyn immediately went and picked up Viktoria and then focused on calming the girl before she woke up Niklaus too. She glared at the two females, "I will overlook both your punishments later."

"Allow me, Avalyn." I cut in. "I'm sure you have much more important things to do than punish them. Eli and I will take care of it."

"We will?" He asked me, raising his brows.

"Yes, we will." I gave him a look before I looked at Avalyn again. "I believe you need to feed them and get them ready soon? I'll send in Nat to help."

"Fine." She scowled and then turned away from us, focusing in her child.

Tessa was looking at me with wide, teary eyes. She opened her mouth and I shook my head. I grabbed her arm and pulled her out. I jerked my head at Eli, motioning him to leave with me. He too grabbed Raine and we walked out, shutting the door after us.

Avalyn

I released a breath.

Victoria looked up at me with her large watery blue eyes.

"Don't worry, baby, Mamma won't let anything happen to you," I promised softly as I tried to tame her wild silver curls. She was an exact copy of me and Niklaus was an exact copy of Nikolai—from his thunderstorm grey eyes to his blond hair—the same blond that Nikolai's black hair turned unto whenever he used his fire powers. From his grumpy, stubborn nature to his love for chocolate, he was all Nikolai. He was going to grow up to look exactly like his father.

She nestled in the crook of my head and fell asleep again, just like that. I placed her back in her crib so she could finish her sleep.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, the emptiness taking over again.

My hand automatically inched closer to the drawer in Nikolai's nightstand and I opened it. The pile of unopened letters made my heart full. They were a lot of them were for me, but there were also quite a few for Niklaus and Viktoria. All of them had different occasions and dates on them, telling us when to open them.

The fact that he had taken so much time and effort to do this, that he had put so much thought into this never failed to bring tears to my eyes.

I reached for mine.

Hello Love,

If you're reading this letter, my plan worked!

You lived, Avalyn, you lived! Now you will get everything you ever wanted at more. I know you wanted to live to see our children, you wanted to see them take their first steps, you wanted to see them grow up, go to school, meet their mates...you wanted them to know their mother. You wanted to love our children.

And I couldn't bear not giving you everything you wanted. I did everything I could to find the cure, Ava. You have to believe that. I know you tried your best too. But maybe, that wasn't in the Moon Goddess's plans. That's when I came across this spell. I didn't know if it would work. But I had to give it a shot. So that you could have a real shot at life. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I prayed to the Moon Goddess to make this work.

I'm so sorry I couldn't find a proper cure. But this seemed like the next best thing. It exchanged my life for yours', Love. Because of which, I want you to live your life and mine. Just live, Avalyn. You've been through too much to spend the rest of your life moping. I want you to wake up every morning and live your life to the fullest. Be the best mother you can be, be the best Queen you can be, help all the people you can, do everything you want to do and more, Avalyn.

That was all I ever hoped for, Moya Lyubov.

And I know that once this sadness fades, you'll be angry. But don't worry, you can open the next letter I have written for you. And I hope that you're following the instructions on the cover! I'll be keeping an eye on you from down here. Okay, fine I'm sorry, from up here. I know you don't like the jokes that insinuate I'll go to hell. But when you go to heaven and don't find me there, I'll try to refrain myself from saying 'I told you so'. And maybe you could bribe the Moon Goddess with your awesome cooking skills and bring me up there so we can finally be together.

Because regardless of what I did, leaving you to live alone was not my intention. Making sure you live was. And you're never truly alone anyways. You always have our family with you. If there was a way that I could be there with you, I want you to know I wouldn't been there. I would have been there to wake up with you, to go to bed with you and to spend all the time I could with you. But unfortunately, that is not how things worked out. And I am terribly sorry for that.

The time that we had together was a lot shorter than what I had envisioned for us. But it was perfect. I wouldn't change anything for the world. Not even our fights, our arguments or misunderstandings. Because they helped me know you so much better. Every second I spent with you is worth more than all those years I lived without you.

I love you, Avalyn. I love everything about you. I love the way you love sleeping and I get to wake you up in the mornings, I love the way your hair looks like a bird's nest in the morning (in an adorable, cute way), I love the way your lips automatically form a pout when you're thinking about something too much, the way you bite your lip when you're unsure of something or when you're shy or embarrassed. I love the way you tie your hair up when you cook and that one lock always manages to come loose and that you get annoyed by it. I love that you dislike working out but do it just to assure me that you are strong enough to handle yourself in case of any trouble. I love your stupid jokes. I love how you dote on Vanessa and Adrian, I love your relationship with my brothers and Natalia. I love your brain, the way you think, I love your heart, the way you feel. I love that even after going through all that you've been through, you never fail to see the good in others, the good in this world, or to see the good in me, even when I struggle to do so.

And the fact that you love me so much makes me believe that if this angel loves me, I must not be the monster I've always thought myself to me. Maybe I'm worth more. Maybe I'm worthy of your love. Moon Goddess must have made you my mate for a reason, right? Whatever it might be, I thank my stars that you are mine. Thank you for being mine. On my worst days and my best. Thank you for choosing to be with me the second time around when you had the choice to choose otherwise.

Thank you for those beautiful eleven months that we spend together. I count myself lucky to have met you, to be given the opportunity to save you, to help you find yourself, to see you grow into the beautiful person you are today—inside and out and to see you love yourself.

I am sorry for all the troubles and tears I have caused you. I'm sorry for everything you are going through right now. If I could take your sadness, I would. If I could be there to help you out with our children, I would. If I could have been there for even a split second, I would.

I love you, Avalyn. More than life itself.

Love,

Nik.