The devil that can't be escaped

LINDSAY.

“Asher?" I called out softly to Asher who lay next to me on the bed. It had been a long day and we ought to be sleeping but we weren't. Asher was awake which was so unlikely.

He turned to look at me and I began. “Why do you hit me all the time?" I asked as my heartbeat quickened. I had never asked him a question like that before. All I wanted to know was why he repeatedly assaulted me, and always found a way of apologizing. To me, that was retarded.

He peeled his eyes off me and landed them on the ceiling. He didn't say anything for almost a minute. I was pretty sure he was looking for what to say.

“You make you do it" he finally spoke after some time.

“Do you love me?" I asked, wanting to hear him say no. If he said it, that way, I would know he hated me and I wouldn't have to question his actions again.

“Yes, I do. I love you, Lindsay." My heart sank when I heard him say those words. He sounded sure, so I couldn't decipher if he was lying or not. Was this his idea of love? He always said it, but he never meant it. Whenever he got angry, he was like the devil himself, very scary and dangerous.

“If you love me, why do you keep hurting me?"

“You make me go crazy sometimes Lindsay"

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. We were having a conversation and I didn't want my tears to ruin it. My tears had a way of pissing him off.

"but you make me mad too. Leia makes me go nut too, but I don't ever hit her”

"I can't control it” he blurted out like it didn't mean anything.

"So what, I am your relief buddy? Your soothing punching bag each time you get angry” I was pushing things too far, but I didn't care.

"I didn't say that”

"You don't have to fucking say it. What I want you to say is you hate me. Stop playing with my head because this isn't love and you know it. Haven't you seen other married couples?” I asked and he scoffed

"So you are comparing us to other people now?"

“Maybe I am. This is fucked up Asher. This whole marriage thing is fucked up. I can't even count how many times you have hurt me, physically and emotionally. Who the fuck are you because you are not the man I married"

Silence followed and that was so unlikely. I had expected him to yell at the top of his voice or even hit me, but he said nothing.

“I'm sorry Lindsay" he mumbled under his breath and that was when I lost my mind.

I stood up from the bed, walking to where he could see me.

“You are sorry?".I asked in disbelief. He was a joker. “You are a terrible person. After all, you have done to me, you are sorry? Stop apologizing because I know you are still going to do it again. You can't stop. It's more like an addiction. Just fucking admit it Asher” I yelled at him and watched as his face hardened in anger. He sat up immediately as he glared at me.

I just woke the devil up

"What else do you want from me?"

“Sorry isn't enough. You fucking got me fired from my job Asher"

“And if you don't bloody tone your voice down, you are kissing goodbyes to this new one".

I choked on my words. He got me where he wanted. I knew I had to keep my mouth shut if I wanted to continue seeing Shaun. Asher could lock me up in the house for months and Shaun would forget about me. I couldn't mess up my only chance at happiness.

“At least you are not so dumb after all" He mumbled when he realized i wasn't going to say any other word. He leaned back on the bed and turned his back against me."And I don't want to hear you cry” he spat out as I swallowed hard.

I wanted to cry so bad, but I didn't want to earn a slap from Asher. He hated it when I cried, but he was also the reason for the tears I had shed for 2 years. I just needed a break from it all.

I thought about running away with Leia to a new country, but that was stupid. Asher was very powerful. He was one of the richest men in the states. No matter where I would run to, he was going to find me.

It wasn't an assumption, it was just the truth. Asher was the devil I couldn't escape from

“Aren't you sleeping?"He snapped at me and I flinched. I was so lost in thoughts that I forgot about my surroundings.

I lay down on the bed, but I didn't sleep right away. It took me up to 3 hours before I finally drifted off to sleep.

*****

“I'm off to work” I yelled from downstairs. I was going to Shaun's place and Unfortunately for me, Asher was home, so I couldn't dress how I wanted.

I was putting in my regular pleated skirt and long sleeve shirt. A while ago, I didn't have a problem with them, but they recently began to make my skin crawl. Each time I wore them, I felt like I was in a cage and I had that undying taste to be free. I had this lump in my throat and that was from the tears I didn't shed last night. It was from the realization that Asher was never going to change.

After properly adjusting my hair I opened the door to step out, but I was faced with someone who stood by the door as if he was waiting for the door to be opened.

Fear gripped me instantly as I stared at the young virile man, dressed in all black. He had a stern look on his face as if he belonged to the military.

Silence

He waited for me to speak and I also waited for him to speak.

“What do you want" my hands held my purse, ready to swing it hard at him if he tried anything stupid

“I'm from Mr. Shaun. He gave orders for me to pick you up"

My heart sank.

Asher was at home and he could come down any minute. How did Shaun even find out where I lived? Just when I thought I could get away with one thing in my life.

I panicked.

Even the man realized that. Now I knew why he had a stern look on his face. He was probably Shaun's guard.

I managed to force him a smile. I knew if I told him no, he was going to insist and that was only going to drag Asher's attention.

“Let's go" I smiled at him, my voice not louder than a whisper. I had never been so scared like I had been at that moment.

He walked in front while I trailed from behind. I kept hoping and praying that the door wouldn't swing open all of a sudden and Asher would come out.

I heaved a sigh of relief when I entered the car without dragging any attention. The man started the car while I boiled on the inside in anger.

This was too much. Shaun had a lot of explaining to do.