Chapter 19 Wolf

Wolf

Avalyn

I was coughing too much. The burning sensation in my lungs was dimming. Then suddenly I felt air fill my lungs and I woke up with a gasp. I saw Master's concerned-looking face looming right above mine. He was drenched. He was the one who pulled me out of the water. Why did he save me? Did he really care?

"Are you okay?" He asked me in that soft voice of his.

No. He didn't care. He never cared to correct my bad behavior but he was going to punish Natalia for something she did. He was not my Master. Was I not enough for him? Did he get bored with me? Was he with other women all this time he showered me with sweet words? All this time when he made me believe he liked me and wanted me as his luna? Especially when I was falling in love with him.

My heart could not bear more wounds. I was tired. I really really want to give up, to die.

Tears leaked through my eyes. He tried to wipe them but I pushed his hand away before he could touch me. I didn't want him to touch me anymore. I don't think I could bear his or anyone's touching me now. Who to trust when the one who claims to be your soulmate betrays you?

But he never said that he wanted to mate me. He had implied it many times but never actually told me. He never said he wanted to mark me.

I never expected anything from Emilio so I was never disappointed or shocked by his cruelty. But I expected Nikolai to be so much more. He gave me hope. He gave me a new life. If that isn't love then what is?

"Why did you pull me out?" I rasped out. My throat was scratchy. His eyes widened by a fraction but I caught that he was surprised.

"Why did you go in?" He asked me instead. His eyes seemed so gentle and caring. But it was all lies. I know it now.

"You said that I am a free person now and I can do whatever I want. And right now, I want you to leave me alone. I want to kill myself. I want to be with Papa. I want peace, Nikolai." I said as more tears fell down my cheeks. I pursed my lips so I don't start crying.

His eyes darkened and his hand gripped my wrist hard enough to bruise. I took it without flinching.

Try me, I've had worse! I dared him with my eyes.

I looked dead in his eyes as if I was not affected at all. "Let me go," I demanded.

"You are not going anywhere." His eyes flashed but he managed to keep his voice controlled. Good. I wanted him to be angry. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me.

"You are not my Master," I uttered the words that plunged a hole through my heart.

Hurting him is not what I want.

What do I want then?

I want my mate, my Master. I want him to love me. I want him to care. I also want him to punish me sometimes. I want things to go back to the way they were. And finally, I want peace.

"But I am a beast and I will lock this beauty in my castle forever if I have to." He gritted and pulled me up with a tug so we both were standing and then threw me over his shoulder. He started walking back towards the house but I didn't want to go back. I pounded on his back, willing him to let go.

"I am free, I can do whatever I want. I said let me go, Nikolai!" I demanded, still pounding at his back.

The stinging pain on both my ass-cheeks made me realize that he spanked me. Twice and that too, hard. I gasped.

"You are not free, you are bound to me and I will never let you go. You wanted me to punish you right? Now you will get a real punishment." He growled angrily, as he walked up the trail to the house.

I went limp at that. I didn't want a punishment from him now, not after what I saw with Natalia, it didn't feel right anymore. I would have given up everything for this before but not now, not after seeing him with her.

He carried me into the house and I could feel everyone was staring at our wet forms, there were a lot of men in the living room than normal too and there were a lot of wolves outside too. He carried me to his room and threw me on the bed and locked the door.

"Strip. Kneel." He ordered furiously.

"No," I told him, holding my ground.

I love him with all my heart. I know I do. But I couldn't submit to him like this, not forcefully. I did it because I loved him and not because I was scared of him. I would die before I submit myself to another man to whom I didn't want to.

"What did you just say?" He whispered, sounding shocked.

"I said no," I replied and walked into the washroom, closing the door behind me.

I was shivering and if he was not going to let me die, I could at least get warm. I took off my clothes and started a hot shower. I heard the door open and I could feel Nikolai's gaze on me, I could feel him coming near me.

I turned towards him and shook my head firmly. He stilled and retracted his hand that was going towards his shirt buttons. He wanted us to shower together but that was not happening. I took my eyes off him and then eyed the door before looking at him again, silently asking him to leave. I wanted to be alone right now.

I was so hurt, furious and disappointed in him. He goes to someone else because he doesn't like me and when I'm finally leaving, he comes back to me. I didn't know how normal relationships worked exactly but I knew it was not like what he did to me. Was yesterday night a lie? Was everything he told me was a game to him? Did he even like me at all?

I saw him clench his fist but he walked out anyway.

I finished my shower and searched for dry clothes but I didn't find anything except a shirt of Nikolai's. I didn't want to be naked in front of him again so I wore it and walked out. He was sitting on the bed with his head in his hand. I ignored him and started going towards the door. I decided to sleep in a guest room.

"Where are you going dressed like this?" He asked me.

"I am free, am I not Nikolai? I can wear what I want and go where I want." I shut the door behind me and my heart hammered in my chest.

I was hurt and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry, I wanted to vent out my anger and frustration but instead, I forced my legs to move forward and into the guest bedroom down the hall. Before I could enter the room, I was gently turned around.

"Come back to our room," Nikolai whispered.

"I can't," I whispered and shut my eyes. A few tears slid down my eyes.

He was the one to make me realize my self-worth, call me his Luna, his Queen, he helped me love myself. However unconventional our relationship would be, I can't be with someone who cheated on me. Maybe he cared but just caring wasn't enough. I understood that now. Love, trust, respect, and loyalty are equally important.

"Please, Moya Lyubov." He begged.

"How can you call me 'your love' after this?" I whispered as I looked down.

I didn't want him to see me cry. I did not want to see his expression, afraid that I would lose my newfound determination just by looking in his eyes.

"This is not what you think it is. If you would just let me fucking explain." He said, frustration tinged with hurt slipping in his voice.

"I'm sorry. I can't, at least not just yet." I said, finally looking in his eyes. I wanted him to understand what I was feeling. I didn't know how to explain it to him.

"You can sleep in our room. I'll sleep here if you want." He whispered dejectedly.

I nodded and walked out of the room. I knew this was the most he would be willing to compromise. I walked into our room and locked the door behind me. I knew he would not come in but I didn't want to take any chances.

I couldn't sleep so I slid open the doors of the balcony and stepped out and sat on the hanging swing chair that Nikolai had bought for me as a gift. He said that I would love it and I did.

Everything reminded me of him.

I sighed.

I didn't know what to do. I looked at the ocean. I had a clear view from here. It was very dark but I could see almost everything. I saw some movement and when I looked down I saw a blur of fur run into the woods.

I instinctively knew that it was Nikolai. Seems like he couldn't sleep too. I thought about our relationship from the start. From everything he had done for me, not once did I feel that he didn't care for me or made me feel like he didn't like me.

I thought if all this really was a misunderstanding, I should have let him explain. If I hadn't been stubborn and listened to what he was telling me, all of this could have been avoided. I even disobeyed his command. He always did everything I asked him to and I couldn't even do one thing that he wanted me to. I really was a shitty mate.

I knew he cared for me, my anger clouded my judgment. I was so glad that Nikolai pulled me out of the water. I wasn't scared of dying, death never scared me but I am scared for what I would leave behind. I had people who cared about me now. Nikolai, oh god, I can't believe I was going to hurt him like this.

I wiped the tears that had escaped my eyes and looked towards the woods again, trying to see if Nikolai was coming back. It had been a long time since he ran away. After focusing for some time, I could see clearly, the dark didn't affect my vision anymore. In fact, I could see better than ever before. I could see the plants and the bushes on the border of the woods clearly, I could see the birds in their nests.

It was like I was seeing a whole new world. It was all enhanced now. My senses were enhanced now. I heard a low growl and then a crunching sound. But it felt like it was miles away.

What was that sound? Did something happen to Nikolai? I jumped out of my chair and in under a minute I saw Nikolai in his wolf form walk out of the woods carrying the head of an elk. It had one of the largest horns I had ever seen on one.

His black eyes snapped to mine like he already knew I was here. I stared at him. His big midnight black wolf carrying the head of an elk was a huge turn-on. Males gifted their mates the heads of the animals they killed. It was a sign of gratitude for being their mates and a symbol which meant that what I kill, is yours, what I have is yours. And the head of an elk was one of the greatest gifts as it is difficult to kill because of its large horns.

As if in a trans, I climbed on top of the railing of the balcony and jumped down. I saw Nikolai drop the elk head on the ground and run to me. I landed on the ground on my feet and used one hand to support my weight. I stood up from my crouched position to see Nikolai come to a standstill a few feet away from me. He was looking at me with a shocked expression.

I walked to him rubbed my hand over his snout. Blood was smeared all over it. He had done this for me. I closed my eyes and relished in that thought. He cared for me. I caressed his head and then behind his ears, where his soft spot was. He purred. The big bad Alpha purred. I walked behind and jumped on his back, getting on easily.

"Let's go for a run," I told him. I barely finished my sentence and we were already gliding through the woods. He was running so fast that even with this enhanced eyesight, I could only make out the blurred colors of my surroundings.

I absolutely loved it.

I tightened my hold on his neck, hugging him. I missed him. For a split second, he slowed down before catching up with his normal speed.

"I am sorry Nikolai," I whispered as I rubbed the fur on his neck.

He slowed down and now was only walking. He wanted to hear what I was saying clearly.

"Can we go to that beach?" I asked him. I wanted to talk with him in his human form when he can reply to me.

With a woof, he changed our direction and after a few minutes we reached the clearing and I could see the beach now. He came to a stop near the shack and I slid down his back. He walked into the shack and came back wearing a pair of shorts, his naked chest on display. The moonlight shone on his chiseled body and with this new eyesight, I felt like I was seeing him for the first time again. He was by far the most beautiful man I had ever seen, inside and out.

And right now, I watched him as he was walking to be with a nervous yet guarded expression on his face. As if one wrong move and I'd bolt. He came to a halt when he was a couple of feet away from me. I gave him a small smile as I started to remove the shirt that I was wearing and walked towards him.

Then, I kneeled in front of Nikolai, just like he was ordering me to in our room.