Chapter 48 METASTASIS

E V E

London, England.

I'm not the girl I used to be.

Maybe it's because I'm not as naive as I was two years ago.

As I descend the stairs that lead to the tube station, I see her . . . and I see him.

Just in time.

His fingers clasp the sides of her face and he draws her gently to him, placing a lingering kiss on her lips. He holds her a bit too tightly around the waist, probably thinking she'll dissapear if he doesn't.

After a few seconds of murmured words, they stare into each other's eyes longingly.

She breaks it first with a giggle.

He bends her face and kisses her forehead before releasing her reluctantly, then he turns round and begins walking away.

I wait for it.

After two steps, he stops, looks over his shoulder and blows her a kiss which she catches in mid air and clutches to her chest. He gives a little wave and then turns round, for real this time and walks off, his steps determined and fillled with a bounce that wasn't initially there.

We both watch as he rounds the corner and dissapears from sight.

This is how I start my day.

Witnessing the passion between two lovers has become my favourite past time. I always place myself in the girls position, most probably because she's the girl I used to be.

She's also the girl I want to be once again.

I sigh wistfully and continue walking towards the train. On the ride, I gaze out the window. We rush past buildings and trees until they fuse into one giant blur.

I close my eyes and sink into the leather seat, not thinking and trying not to feel anything as well.

This is the one thing that keeps me grounded. This is the only time I have to myself. So I clear my mind deliberately of everything . . .

Until I'm empty . . .

Until I'm blank.

But just like people, emotions are a tricky thing.

They slip past the cracks in my armour and leak into my mind.

And so I let them, even though it hurts . . .

Even though my cranium feels like it's on fire, and even though I know it's going to be an effort in futility, I fight the pull taking me down memory lane.

After a few seconds, I give up, close my eyes . . . and let go into the deep crevises of my past.

I try to lift my hands, but notice with horror I'm not able to.

They're bound tightly in front of me.

The back of my head feels like it's going to explode from where I was hit with a heavy object.

Dark spots dance in my vision, but I blink to clear them away, only to notice everywhere is still dark.

Light shimmies beyond the cloth tied around my eyes. I hear voices and I see indistinct shapes beyond it.

The voices get closer. Closer still.

There are two of them. A woman and a man.

They seem to be bickering.

I can't make out what they're saying, but as they get closer, I recognise the voices of one of them.

The cloth is wrenched from my face suddenly, and the bright light piercing my eyes is too much for someone who's been in the dark for awhile.

"That's her, boss. She's the bitch!"

Shock makes me gasp at the two people standing in front of me. The man is smirking, while the woman has a heavy frown on her face.

"Femi!" I croak out his name. My tongue feels dry and heavy. I'm parched and in desperate need of water.

"How do you feel?" Concern is stamped all over his face as he looks at me.

I'm sure he's here to save me, but who is the white woman staring at me with malevolence. She seems familiar.

I give up trying to crack my brain and close my eyes against the glare of the light.

"Water! I . . . need . . . water." It takes a lot of effort to get the words out. Once I'm done, I flop on the floor like a rag doll, my head beginning to throb once again.

"Get her some water!" I hear Femi instructing someone, most probably the woman.

I realise I'd drifted into unconsciousness as something pours on me, shocking me into opening my eyes. I see the same white woman with a bottle of water in her hand and a smirk on her face. Without warning, she tips the bottle and begins pouring water all over my head, not stopping until all the content of the bottle has been emptied on me.

Her laughter booms all over the place, causing echoes.

Pin pricks of cold suddenly engulf my whole body making me shiver uncontrollably. The water is freezing cold. She must have gotten it straight from the freezer.

I shake my body as best as I can, seeing as I'm still bound, and flecks of ice fall from my hair and body.

"Aww! Look at her, she's shivering like a wet dog that she is."

Her laughter booms out once more, making me cower.

"You shouldn't have done that." Femi speaks up quietly from beside her. I'd forgotten he was still standing there.

I blink the excess water from my eyes, and focus on him.

I notice with rising horror as he brings out something from his jacket that looks suspiciously like a gun. He smiles as he removes something else from his pocket and screws it onto the gun in his hand. Then he trains it on the woman.

"I'm sorry Roxy, but your time ends here."

It suddenly dawns on me who she is.

Segun's ex, and mother of Stacy.

I whip my head to the side, but not before I see her mouth open in a silent scream and her body fall to the ground in an ungainly manner, devoid of life.

Tears sting my eyes as I stare at her crumpled lifeless body.

She never got to plead for her life.

She never even got to bargain for it.

Worse still, she never got the chance to say goodbye to Stacy one last time.

This time the shakes hit me hard, and it's not one borne out of cold.

I hang my head and cower as footsteps approach me.

A hand holds my chin and lifts my head up.

I'm petrified as I stare up at Femi. His eyes are soft as they gaze at me.

"Beautiful Eve. You're safe now."

"Oh thank God, please untie me." I lift my hands up to him imploringly, but he drops his hand from my chin and moves back. As he does so, he throws his head back and laughs riotously.

"Oh you poor naive thing, you're not that safe."

The shrill horn of the train wrenches me back to the present.

I look around my surroundings and notice with surprise, we've arrived at Westminster.

I scramble out of the train just in time and make a run for it. I don't have much time to spare. I flag a taxi down and give him the address and sink into the seats.

My head is pounding. It always gets this way whenever I relieve the past.

"HELLO, MADAM!"

My head snaps up to see the driver looking at me worryingly.

Don't tell me I spaced out once again.

"Is everything okay? I've been trying to get your attention for awhile now. We've arrived at the address you gave me."

I mumble a reply, and dig into my purse and hand him some money.

"Try to be more alert, madam." The driver's words sail into my ears as I come down from his taxi and walk briskly into a building.

I nod at a few people who pass me as I walk up to the front desk.

"Good afternoon, Miss Olaitan, you're just in time. Go right through." The lady behind it gifts me with a beaming smile.

"Thanks, Anna." I give her a tight smile and walk through a long corridor. At the far end is a door. I stop at it and rap on it twice, and someone from within tells me to come in.

Immediately I step inside, the heat wraps around me like a cloak.

"You can remove your jacket and hang it up by the door." The muffled voice behind the desk instructs.

I nod and do as she says. Once my jacket is hung, I ignore the comfortable couch and make a beeline for the straight-backed chair in front of the desk instead.

After a few seconds of silence, the chair swings round to face me.

"Hello Miss. Olaitan, how are you today?" Her tight-lipped smile doesn't reach her eyes.

"I've been better." I shrug and give her a tight-lipped smile of my own.

"But . . ." She leans forward expectantly with a lift of her brow.

"They're back."

"Who . . ." Ridges suddenly appear on her forehead, but they clear immediately. "Oh . . . you're talking about the nightmares?"

I nod and stand up, backing her in the process. "Can you imagine I spaced out twice on the way here. On the tube and in a taxi. I could have even missed my bus . . . "

A hand lands on ny shoulder. "Stop it!" She turns me round to face her and in a gentle voice begins to speak. "You've done very well so far, Eve. Remember when you first came in here, you were practically a nervous wreck always looking over your shoulder and mumbling incoherently to yourself. But over time you've gotten your spunk and confidence back."

I smile now, feeling more light hearted. "I couldn't have done it without you, Claire. You're not just my therapist, you're my friend as well."

She winces visibly. "Some therapist I am."

I try to stifle a smile, but it comes through anyway. She throws me a sharp look, and throws her hands in the air. Not long after, we're both laughing out loud.

When we come down from our laugh-induced high, we move to the couch and sit facing each other where we make small talk.

"I see you heeded my advice of making a change. I love your hair." She points to my recently- cut hair.

"Sure? I decided to be rebellious by chopping it all off and do something different instead." I finger the curls on my hair.

"I love it. And are those . . . " She leans close to me, staring into my eyes.

I let out a small laugh. "Yes! They're contact lenses. I traded in my glasses after loosing them twice at the tube station."

"Look at you." She takes my hands in her's. "I'm glad one of us is living her best life, unlike -- "

I put up a hand to stop any further words. "Claire, your divorce case in in court. Soon, you'll be free from that man and that day, I'll be your biggest cheerleader."

I move close to her and she puts her head on my shoulder.

I remember when I first came to London. I was a mess. Taye kept badgering me to speak to someone about my nightmares and my skittish behaviour. One day after mindlessly taking the tube not knowing where I was going, I found myself in a different area. I'd come down just as others were doing same and walked into the first therapists office I saw.

Claire was stereotypical to the point of being rude. She'd pointed to a chair and ordered me to sit in it and promptly ignored me for the next twenty minutes. Instead of attending to me, she'd busied herself by reading a book that was on her table.

When I found out I was deliberately being ignored, I'd cleared my throat ready to talk, but she'd put up a finger indicating me to keep quiet.

Not wanting to put up with her bad behaviour anymore, I'd stood up and was about walking to the door when I heard sniffles. I turned round, wondering what was going om with her, when I noticed she was full - on crying.

My empathetic nature kicked in, and she ended up confiding in me about how she caught her husband on their matrimonial bed with another woman but she couldn't summon up the courage to get a divorce because she still loved him.

That day, things changed.

Turned out she needed a therapist as well.

So we struck up a routine.

Whenever I came to see her, I'd tell her my story and she'd tell me her's. It was very unorhtodox, but it worked, not just for me, but for her as well.

We became close and struck up a friendship in the process.

I'm glad I found her at a time when I thought my life was basically over.

"Do you still think of him?"

Her voice steals into my quiet ruminations.

Instead of replying, I disentagle my fingers from hers and stand, backing her.

Everyday I tell myself not to think of him, but how can I not?

He's in me.

He's around me.

He's everywhere I go.

So far, yet so close.

I know I have to start my life all over again without him, but I just can't seem to do that.

I just can't get Aurey out of my mind.

"Alright! I know what you need -- what we both need."

Claire's voice reaches out to me. Curious as to what she's talking about, I turn round and cock my head to the side and assess her.

"I'll cancel any further appointments for today, and we can go out and have a girl's day. It's still early . . ." She glances at the watch on her wrist and looks up at me. ". . . so we can do anything you want, I'm not choosy."

A smile creeps onto my face. "Are you sure about that?"

"On one condition!" She raises up her forefinger. "No more 'sex on the beach' drinks for me. Last time we went out ----"

"You actually did have sex with someone whose name you didn't even have any recollection of."

We look at each other and burst into laughter.

It's times like this I miss Ebere.

Last time we talked, she told me King was walking around like a speed train and tearing up the whole place.

"Please don't make me do anything stupid, please." Claire's electric blue eyes gaze at me imploringly.

I sit down beside her once more and pat her hand. "Don't worry, the only crazy thing I'll allow you do is get a tan as dark as my skin colour."

We turn to look at each other and burst into laughter once more.