Chapter 8 PREPARATIONS

EVE

If looks could kill, I would have been dead . . .

. . . rather, my phone would have been incinerated about thirty minutes ago.

Ebere keeps shooting disgruntled looks at it, probably in the hopes that one of those arsinine looks of her's would shut it up, but that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon.

"Na wa o! Who keeps blowing up your phone?" She is getting irritated, because she doesn't like distractions when shopping. I understand totally, because I feel the exact same way.

Ever since Dee overhead my phone conversation with her, he suddenly turned all lovey dovey, sending sweet text messages first thing in the morning and throughout the day too. I had totally ignored his calls, though. What was there to talk about, anyway? What, pick it up and tell him --- Yo Dee, I'm never going to sleep with you, ever, not even when hell runs over.

Yeah, right!

I'd told him something along those lines, but not in those exact words. I mean the man is relentless and I don't want to be one of those girls on his score card. I am so sick and tired of his continuous cycle of rushing and then zero silence thereafter. I'm used to his stupid ways by now so I can't be fooled by whatever move he pulls.

I roll my eyes as we stop at probably the hundredth mannequin wearing a barely - there mini dress. I manage to drag Ebere away from it, once again. It's becoming a real running battle having to drag her away from these scrappy clothes. I'm almost loosing my mind here, that is until I see the dress that makes me gape.

I pull us both to a halt and gaze up adoringly at it. It's love at first sight. It's black and every lady needs a black dress for any occasion, right? I just know this is the dress I'll be wearing to the wedding. I don't waste any time at all, I dump my handbag with Ebere and rush to try it on in one of the many changing rooms of the large boutique. When I come out, the look on Ebere's face says it all.

It's a done deal!

I turn towards the full - length mirror but I don't recognise the person staring back at me. The dress fits like a second skin. It's almost trashy, but not quite. I cut a classy look in it actually. My full figure makes it look almost . . .

"Oh my goodness, girl . . ." Ebere whistles through her teeth. Getting up, she inches close to me. "Now this is what I call bitch on wheels." We both laugh at her statement. "All eyes will be on you at that wedding. We gonna get you a husband soon. Them go take! As in, them no go fit comot eye from your body." She comes to me and taps my hips. "Hips don't lie!" She winks at me through the mirror. "Okay, you've found your's, time to find mine." And she dumps both her bag and mine with me, while she goes off to look for a dress she can wear to the wedding.

I change back into the clothes I was wearing, gently fold my black dress and settle down to wait for Ebere to fall in love with a dress so we can go make our payment upfront. We have a spa appointment after so we can get our skins ready - Ebere's idea, not mine.

I suddenly hear Beyonce singing --- To the left, to the left. Where is that noise coming from? It sounds very close. Looks like its coming from one of our bags. I search Ebere's bag for her phone, but when I check it, it's not ringing. That's odd! The song stops and starts again almost immediately.

On a hunch, I decide to check mine and surprisingly, my phone keeps belting out Beyonce's To the left, to the left song. When I check, I see Dee's number splayed boldly across the screen. Ebere must have assigned the ring tone to his number when I was changing. I have a good laugh at it. Yass man! Move to the left - I don't need your black ass anymore. I silently giggle to myself.

Thirty minute passes and I'm yet to see Ebere. Did she get lost in the boutique? Or is she still looking for 'the dress'? I stand up, already impatient. I begin walking around, craning my neck right and left, but rows and rows of clothes on hangers block my view. It's so frustrating!

Then I hear her voice not far off. She's chatting away with some other chick without a care in the world. I signal her out on the third row from where I am. She's animatedly talking to two girls, gesticulating wildly and laughing at the same time. I'm furious with her. There I was, waiting for her and here she is, enjoying herself, chatting away.

I walk purposely towards her, anger rolling off me like waves. She sights me before I get close. "Eve," she shouts. "Come and meet my colleague who I told you is getting married." She waves me over and my anger simmers a bit. Just a bit. As I get close, the other ladies turn to me with interest, but I zone my whole attention on Ebere. "Hey babe," she puts her arm around me. I try to shrug it off, but she only tightens her grasp.

"So.. this is my paddy, my bestie, the only lady who I can stand, my ride or die chick, my one babe for life." This girl knows my mumu button sha! My anger dissipates like a busted balloon. My head begins to swell invisibly.

I turn to her with the intention of chastising her even though I'm not angry anymore. She anticipates my move and gives me a big hug and plants a kiss on either side of my cheek. Cheater!!! She gives me a blinding smile and I beam back at her, absolutely under her spell.

One of the girl she's talking to decides she's had enough of our drama because she extends a hand towards me; "Hi, my name is Fikunayonmi, that means I'm God's gift. But you can call me Fiku for short." She takes my hand and gives it a vigorous handshake. I smile at her and introduce myself.

The other female looks at me slowly from top to bottom and then she hones in on my face. She stares at me with cold piercing eyes, as if seeing into my very soul and I feel chills race up and down my spine. She looks slightly familiar. "Hello," she says coldly and immediately turns towards Fiku. "Come on Fiku, let's continue our shopping." She begins to drag Fiku away, not once saying bye to us. Fiku turns round apologetically and waves bye to us. "Hope to see you at my wedding," she throws over her shoulder, as the rude female finally drags her away from sight.

We both stare at the direction in which they took. "That's odd!" Ebere breaks the silence first. "We were all chatting happily awhile ago, but when you showed up . . ." She lets her statement hang.

I don't let that get to me. "Never mind, bestie of life," I turn to her. "Please tell me you've found a dress for the wedding."

"I have! It's perfect! You should see it," and she leads me away, the episode with the rude, strange female already a thing of the past.

- @ -

SEGUN

The sound of the phone wakes me up from my deep slumber. I was dreaming of . . .

Rrrrrrriiiiiinnnnnggggg

"Uh! I'm coming," I say to no one in particular.

"Wadayawant?" I ask, slurring my words. I pick up the call without checking who the caller is.

"Hey Baby," a female voice purrs from the other end. I don't recognise the voice. I forgot to turn off my phone last night.

"Who's this?" I'm not in the mood to play nice. I don't like being woken up from sleep, especially while in the middle of a wonderful dream - I don't take kindly to that.

"Guess who, baby?" Who the fuck is this? Shaking my head in disgust, I cut the call. I don't have time to play hide and seek. Just as I'm settling myself on the bed to prepare for some snoozing, settle myself back on my bed, my phone rings, startling me and causing me to smack my hand against my forehead in consternation.

I don't have time for this shit!

This time, I check who it is, only to notice its Chioma calling.

What the fuck does she want?

I answer the call angrily. "What do you want, Chioma?"

"Calm down baby, why so mad?" I resist the urge to tell her it's her father that's mad, not me. Insted I swallow the bike insult and reply not so patiently. "I ask again, what the fuck do you want?"

"I want you Segun, just you," she replies foolishly.

"Oh I see! Want another round of good fucking? Can't stay away from me, can you?" I lay it on thick and I don't give a hoot how she feels about it.

I hear her gasp. "Don't be nasty, you know I love you baby." She snivels.

"Cut the crap and tell me what you want?" I'm about one step away from hanging up the call again, and she knows it.

"Okay okay relax, please. Dont hang up! It's a Friday and I thought maybe, you know, we could. . . " I don't let her finish.

"Have some more rounds of good fucking?" I begin, laughing nastily. "cause you and I have nothing else to talk about."

"Why do you treat me so shabbily?" She bursts out suddenly; sounds like she's on the verge of tears. And the manipulation starts! "I've got nothing but love for you, yet you treat me like garbage all the time. I let you sleep with me whenever you want, yet you can't find it in your heart to treat me well."

"Bla bla bla bla bla! Bitch please! I don't have time for your drama. I'm only going to say this one more time. I'm hoping it will sink into your thick skull; I don't do relationships." Then I twist the knife deeper into her heart. "At least not with someone like you," and I cut the call immediately. That would definitely silence her, at least for a week or two. She never takes the cue. Every time she calls, I talk nasty to her, yet it just spurs her on even more. She obviously has no self - respect!

Seeing that I'm now wide awake, I decide to take a leak. When I come out, I walk to the sitting room in my boxers. The tiles underneath my bare feet are cold, giving me chills. It's chilly in the sitting room, and dark too, so I put on the overhead lights.

She's sleeping peacefully on the sofa, coiled up in just her bra and panties while her clothes lay in scattered disarray on the carpet. Flashes of me pinning her against the wall filter into my mind. I shake my head and the memory dissipates.

The air - conditioner is on, yet she seems perfectly comfortable sleeping half naked. I put it off and tap her leg. She doesn't budge, so I tap harder and she opens her eyes drowsily and stretches when she sees me.

I don't give her room to talk. "Get dressed and get out," I snap. She tries to argue, but I put up a hand. "My girlfriend's coming in about 5 minutes. She's very mean, even I am scared of her, so I suggest you leave while you can." I fold my hands against my chest and watch as she rushes around, picking up her clothes and wearing them hurriedly.

I walk back into my room, satisfied she's complying with my threats and come out some twenty minutes later, fully dressed in blue jeans and a patterned t - shirt after taking a quick shower. By this time she's fully dressed, sitting on the couch, holding her heels in her hands. Satisfied she's packed up all her stuff, I hand her a bunch of money and watch in amusement as she snatches it up and fast - walks out of my apartment without another word.

Yesterday night was a little bit of a blur to me. My work leave started yesterday, so I had decided to celebrate the only way I know how to. I picked her up on the road side and next thing I know, we were having sex in the back seat of my car. We took it back to my place for a better encounter, now I'm just over it all.

When she leaves, I lock up and jump into my car and drive lazily away from Lekki towards the third mainland bridge. Cars stream the roads, causing a bit of traffic. Friday is a day for travelling out of Lagos - Some travel to relax away from the hustle and bustle of the city, while others travel for various Owambe's (parties). I've got many lined up tommorow, but only one stands out for me - the wedding of one of my best friends whom I currently have a meeting with now.

That, is highly important!

When I drive unto the third mainland bridge, I feel the vibration of cars as they pass me and the bridge shudders. Fear skids into my heart and I become almost frozen on the steering wheel, the car slowing down in the process.

I give myself a little pep talk and put a little pressure on the accelerator. It has always been a phobia of mine; the bridge collapsing and my car falling into the deep sea, submerged forever. A watery death isn't something that is particularly pleasing to me. I'm freaking scared of large body of water.

Luckily, none of that crap happens and I drive past the bridge unto the mainland and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. My phone begins to ring out shrilly and I briefly glance at it lying on the console - It's Femi. Calm down bro, I'm on my way. Two minutes later, my phone rings again. When I glance at it, I see Dipo's name splayed across the screen. I grin to myself. My boys are getting antsy.

I finally drive into the restaurant's car park, see a suitable place to park and hop out. Early Friday morning and the place is already packed full with singles and family feasting on food. Nigerians definitely love to hang out and enjoy themselves, yet they complain there's no money in the country. I pass two females eating and chatting - They both look my way as I pass and one of them smiles at me. I wink at her and her smile grows wider. Women!

I see my guys tucked into the far corner, already digging into burgers and fries. Dipo notices me first and taps Femi who looks up and grins at me. I remove the aviator glasses from my face and hang it on my head where it sits snugly. "My men!" I announce expansively, my arms thrown wide apart. I sink into one of the chairs across from them and steal a couple of fries from each of their plates and grin as they both complain.

"Guy! You dey mess up o. (Guy, you are messing up). Na your 9 o'clock be this?" (Is this your 9 o'clock?) Dipo, the ever outspoken one, verbally attacks me.

"E be like sey you don forget sey na Lekki I dey live," (You've forgotten I live in Lekki). I counter back. "Besides, it's just 10 o'clock." I reason.

"You're an hour late bro. Anyway, you made it and that's what matters." Femi echoes, shaking my hand.

"So, Mr. Bridegroom, you ready to get married tommorow?" I ask Femi, stealing some more fries from Dipo's plate.

"Segun go buy your own food na, why you dey reduce my ration?" (Segun go and buy your own food, you are reducing my ration). He whines. I ignore him and continue munching as I grill Femi.

"Hmm! I'm soo ready to marry the love of my life. Our tuxes are ready. We need to go pick them up and get fitted. You guys must look dapper." He gives a little dab and I shake my head.

"Poor Fiku, she doesn't know what she's getting herself into by marrying you. Nigger you can't be tamed." I laugh, stealing some more fries from Dipo's plate. I stand up immediately, before he can start his whining and go order some food for myself.

- - -

Some hours later, our tuxedo's have been fitted and are sitting in our various cars in zip up bags. We sip hennessy and idle around in a bar, off Bode Thomas in Surulere. Somehow, the onus always seems to veer to me.

"So,whats popping man? Chioma's been buzzing me like crazy complaining about you." Femi starts.

I sigh! "What does she want this time? You?" I laugh, but he doesn't laugh along with me and the smile dies from my face.

"Dude, are you crazy man?" He explodes. "She's Fiku's best friend, plus I don't want nothing to do with her. Guy! She's psycho!" We shake hands in agreement to that. Glad he knows it.

"So... What happened to that babe you left the club with that day?" Dipo turns to me inquisitively.

"What babe?" I feign ignorance. I know very well, he's talking about Eve.

"That babe na," he taps me on the chest, drawing an imaginary shape with his hands. "The one with them hips. Man that girl is a sight for sore eyes. Tell me you hit that?" He asks, looking at me enquiringly.

I pick up my glass and take some gulps of hennessy. Now how do I reply him? If I say I didn't have anything sexual with her, I'll be called a slacker. If I say I did, they'll both demand to know how she was in bed. Something tells me, I've got to be a little bit more patient with her, at least, more than other girls that play hard to get, but eventually fall. I decide not to say anything. But then if I don't reply, they'll just badger me - Dipo especially.

I'm saved when Femi's phone rings. He gets up to answer it and I busy myself, pretending I'm also on a call. When he comes back, he's all smiles. "My friend is dropping by in some minutes. Haven't seen him in ages. We went to school together. He's also going to be one of my groomsmen. Segun, you know you're going to be my best man, right?"

"It will be my pleasure, man," and we shake hands, yet again. Dipo fiddles with his phone, talks of Eve forgotten. I breathe a sigh of relief, even though I know the topic will still be re - visited in the nearest future.

Hopefully, I'd have an answer for him then.