19th Ghosting: Deserving

"YOU ARE MY daughter to an Irish man. I left you in an orphanage because I didn't know how I could have raised you then and I'm still very young."

"Then, why didn't you come back to me? I was just a baby when you left me there. There are so many chances that you can come back," Ashey didn't want to, but her words to her mother still resounded bitterly.

Honestly, she didn’t know what to feel. I guess this is not what they call leap in the blood? Because, no. Even the slightest affection, she felt nothing for the mother.

To say that there was a leap of blood, yes, maybe, I guess, earlier? When she saw her for the first time. But only until then. She was more consumed by the hatred that had long slept in her chest. She is human, she is not a toy. She did not choose to be born into the world. In the world they just included her.

"Baby, let her speak first, will you?" Her boyfriend next to her whispered to Ashey. Without him, she would have gone astray.

Long time ago, she learned how to control anger. But she felt his impending explosion when she saw her so-called mother.

"Forgive me, Ashey. My life is too messy and letting you stay in the orphanage is for the better." Ashey wants to feel sorry for her mother, she just holds back.

It is still obvious that her life is still chaotic. In its dirty way…

Ah she just really doesn't want to talk about it.

"Really?" She bluntly scolded her mother.

She looked at Azraelle in the back, "Have you told him yet?" When Azraelle shook his head, Ashey sighed. So, she's still the one to tell.

"Ma'm, we have something to tell you that I hope you are ready to believe." Okay, thanks to Randall's introduction. He must have felt his hesitation to say that she was dead.

Who is a sensible person who is alive, but will be declared dead?

But as they talked about it, the plan changed— they would set aside the search for her body- they would prioritize the search for the killer of her students but before that, she had to face her mother first. who did not become a mother to her, really. This scene is only for fvcking formality.

"Your daughter is a ghost. As you said, when you first saw me, yes I am a black angel." Azraelle mentioned to them that her mother could sense things that science and man could not explain.

Shock registered on her mother's face. Surprised, she turned to Azraelle.

"Why-- did you offered him a second life--"

"Because I was killed."

"Because she needs and deserves to live, again. Simple as that," the angel said emphatically.

As they stared at the angel, the corners of Ashey's eyes gradually ached. "She didn't live normally in her first life. Her life is stable, very stable, everything is equal and fair. It's not balanced. It can't be that way. Ashey hasn't even experienced living at all. Even a grievous sin as a normal creature does. Even small, nothing. Her record is blank. Neutral. She has no place Above. It is impossible for a soul to be there, because the old you, by being neutral, you are not a believer of Him. You know why? Because you are only doing what you know is right for you. You are functioning according to your own will without weighing if it's God's will or not. What is your special sin that I took on lending you this second life? You are full of hatred and resentment. You are full of anger and there is no room for forgiveness in you. That is one of the things I want you to learn, so that your record will be good and there is no obstacle that you can climb permanently up Above. You can't face God, if you're not His believer, don't you? God won't face you as well if you're not a hell believer too."

{Glimpse from the past}

"YOU'RE A Pig! I'm pregnant and you'll just say, sorry?!" Assunta almost beat up her American boyfriend who looked like a handsome Filipino.

She told him she was pregnant. That he got her pregnant. But he just laughed and despised her character. He said she would go crazy if she thought she could hold him by the neck just because she got pregnant.

•••

"SISTER, please take care of my daughter and I can't take her home with me. Life outside is full of pain and worryness, I don't want her to be like me whose body was the investment just to survive."

•••

"ASHEY ASH! Nobody wants to adopt!"

"Nyahaha!"

"Ashey ash, it's just going to be ash like that!"

•••

"NO one wants to adopt me Sister because I'm the daughter of a bad girl. Is that true? I don't want to be bad like her, sister."

"Ashey, dear, that's not true. There is nothing wrong in the eyes of God."

"No Sister! I don't believe in Him. Because if He was real, He wouldn't have let me get hurt like this. He wouldn't have left me in this orphanage alone. He wouldn't have made me feel everything this! " If Sister Darlene only knew that she had broken the rosary she was holding every time they prayed, a long time ago…

ASHEY could just feel the hot tears running down her cheeks. He violently rubbed it with her palms and sniffed to say goodbye to those people in front of her.

"Excuse me."

"Excuse me too." Ashey even heard Randall say goodbye to them.

"PSALM 32: Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start, your slate is wiped clean."

"If you followed me for a lecture, please not now, Randall." She heard Randall chuckled.

"Nope, I won't. I'm just saying what Azraelle wants to convey and the angel said it too lenghty. Maybe that angel used to be a speaker on the radio."

Ashey laughed. "You're really crazy."

"Crazy for You." They shared the laughter they often do whenever they are together. Randall placed her head on his shoulder after a series of laughter.

"John 11: 25-26: Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Ashey, I believe that you believe in Him, that that belief is just you letting blocked by a big obstacle and anger. You must learn to trust Him .. again. Maybe there is still a chance." Randall clasped their hands.

Chance.

We didn't run out of it, of course. But isn't that only applicable to lives? She is already dead. There is no sense to expect more and hold on to the word chance.

Miraculously, of course. But she chose to take away those thoughts, because it felt better because she had a calm heart-- now that she was next to the only person who taught her how to love and live in the true meaning of that word.

Now that Randall beside her. The man that would be the only reason in case God asked her for what is the reason why she wanted to rise over and over again.