Killian

I sleepwalked through the all process of wiping the blood away from my hands and strapping into a blue overall. My brain didn't recollect any information, except the one where I was being ushered into a room with doctors hovering around the elevated bed like wild animals.

I carefully stepped inside, My heart wrenching painfully in my chest as my eyes landed on Hope.

She was laying with a thick pink blanket draped over her parted legs.  Her pale face was strained with tears, her hair flying wildly across her face. She was sweating, eyes closed tight with the pain.

"Hope, you need to push," the doctor demanded, but she shook her head, groaning in pain.

"I can't," she breathed, keeping her eyes closed as her legs quivered. "I can't. It hurts."

"Hope..." My voice broke as I moved closer to her, calling her desperately and I wasn't sure if she had heard me but then her bloodshot eyes pushed open and the moment they met mine, my chest felt tight; like I was being suffocated.

"Killian..." She sobbed and I stepped forward, grabbing her hand. "Killian, it's you..."

I nodded quickly. "Yes it's me and I'm never leaving you again."

"I thought —" she closed her eyes back and hissed. "It hurts. Please get this thing out of me!" She shouted, squeezing my hand tightly.

"You need to push." One of the doctors demanded, gawking between my canted knees.

"I can't!" Her nails dug into my flesh. Fuck. I thought the books said this was supposed to be memorable. How did women do this frequently enough to populate the whole earth?

"Baby, you can. You just have to push." That sounded wrong. This all felt wrong; being in here, holding her, sweating bullets while starting at multiple doctors play between her thighs. My thighs.

One of the doctors looked at me with dread in his eyes. "This isn't good. The umbilical cord is wrapped around its neck."

My heart skipped. "What the hell does that mean?"

"If we don't get the baby out now, it might not make it."

"We should do a C-section." One of the nurses suggested.

The doctor shook his head. "It's risky, she might not make it. Her odds are higher if she pushes."

"Baby look at me," I begged, but she closed her eyes and kept them shut. "Please Hope look at me!"

She slowly opened them, breathing heavily. "I can't Killian..."

"You can." My hold on her fingers tightened as I tried to force a smile. "Just one little push and it'll be over."

She took in a deep breath. "You sure?"

I nodded, looking back at the doctor.

"Alright, I can already see its head, it's time to push. You have to give me all you've got."

I leaned down and brushed her hair over her forehead. "You're doing great love, just one more."

"I'm never letting you touch me again." She groaned, squeezing my hand tighter.

I nodded, pretty much sure that conversation would be adjourned for later. "Whatever you want love."

"And you'll do all the baby work. You'll do all the night feeding and diaper changes."

"Yes, I will."

"You promise?"

"I promise." I kissed her sweaty forehead. "Come on, push."

Breathing down heavily, She bit down her button lip and pushed and pushed— long and hard and it felt like my skin was also going to draw blood from her bear grip.

It didn't stop.

It continued, she screamed every five seconds—more and more—until the cry of a baby broke loose and the theatre stilled in utter silence.

Hope's legs collapsed immediately and her grip on my hand loosened. I looked at her. She was breathing heavily, her eyes half shut. I didn't understand the emotion swirling in my chest but I wiped the sweat out of her face and kissed her head. "You did it, baby." My chin trembled. "You fucking did it."

"It's a boy." The doctor announced and my chest fluttered as I looked up at the wiggling, slime-covered newborn he held.

A boy.

Our boy.  This tiny little thing was our son.

It was hard to breathe. I inhaled a shaky breath as my heart thundered in my chest. I wasn't sure what to feel. I wasn't sure how to feel but Hope had the right idea because she immediately broke into what I assumed were tears of joy.

"Would you like to cut your son's cord?" The doctor asked me and my muscles tensed. I gulped and looked at Hope. She nodded and I walked over near the baby and reached for the scissors. The pressure that pushed down my chest was intense, so much so that I almost passed out. I sucked in a breath and snipped the umbilical cord.

"Perfect." He smiled. "We're going to run some tests and attach him to a fetal monitor while your wife recuperates."

"Can I please hold him?" Hope croaked, tears still leaking from both sides of her eyes.

"Just a moment." He handed the baby to the nurse who cleaned him up and took measurements before wrapping him up and carrying him over to her.

She placed him gently in her hand. "Look Killian, we made a baby."

Tears dampened my eyes but I blinked them back fiercely. "Yes, we did."

"Alright, Mom and Dad, what would you like to name baby Fobster?" the nurse asked as she tapped her notepad.

Hope looked at the baby and back at me with glee. "How about Ryan?"

"Ryan Fobster." It tasted right. '"I love it."

"Ryan Fobster it is." She scribbled something on her tab and looked back at us. "Any middle name."

I looked back at Hope she looked at me. She'd known exactly what I wanted and the moment she said it, my heart fluttered.

"Edward."

"Okay, Ryan, Edward Fobster." She closed her tab and stared at her fellow nurses. "We'll give you five minutes and after that, we're taking the baby away. "

When I nodded, they all left.

"He's so beautiful." Hope cooed, staring down at him with so much emotion in her eyes. "I can't believe I pushed him out of me."

"I can't believe I watched and didn't pass out."

Despite everything going on, she giggled and looked up at me. "Hold him."

I shook my head. "It's best I don't."

"Why?"

"Because I've never held a newborn baby before."

"Come on, it's not that hard." She lifted her arms to me and I stepped closer.

"How do I hold him?"

"Hold your arms out."

I did as she'd said and she carefully transferred the baby to my hand. They trembled as I looked down. My God, he was beautiful. Clear skin light, glossy hair. I couldn't tell the color of his eyes because they were closed but I had a feeling he had my eyes.

My heart felt as though it might explode with euphoria.

I was a father now and this tiny kid was going to grow up to look up to me.

I cradled him, finding it extremely hard to take my eyes off him but when Hope groaned, I turned.

"Are you alright?"

She gave me the look. Shit. Stupid question. Of course, she wasn't alright. She just pushed out a baby from a peephole.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." She pushed herself into a sitting position. "I'm just...Happy you came back for me."

"I'm sorry I left. It was a dick move. I love you, Hope. And I swear to God I'm never letting you go again."

She smiled. "You better keep that promise."

"I will," I spoke, absolutely certain that for the first time in a long time, I found where I belonged.

With my family.