Chapter 4 M U T T E R S E E L E N A L L E I N

M U T T E R S E E L E N A L L E I N

(German) (adj.) To be utterly and extremely alone and lonely that no one could even find you or reach for you, physically and mentally.

Over the years, a lot has changed, most especially between Eunae and Jaehyun.

They were more mature now and have been building their own paths to reach their dreams. Jaehyun had been taking over their company, the same way Eunae did for theirs.

Who would have thought that after a few years, they would be where they were now? Handling huge companies that provided means of living not only for their families, but also for hundreds if not thousands of people working for them. Maybe above all, was making use of the same surname not only on legal documents, but rather in a daily basis of merely being addressed.

Eunae had always thought that the union between her and Jaehyun as lawful husband and wife would make them even closer. Maybe even more than what they had as best friends like how she had always wished it would have been.

But she was wrong.

Because the moment they exchanged their vows in front of the altar and before the people they held dear, Eunae unexpectedly lost her best friend, completely.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Jung!"

Suddenly, her train of thoughts was instantly cut short as a business partner approached her. In a second, she stretched her mouth into the smile she had eventually grown to wear.

"Thank you, Mr. Park. It's a pleasure to have you here," Eunae greeted, reaching out her hand for a quick handshake. She had been doing this for a couple of times tonight for this accomplishment celebration, and she could not even count as to how many guests she had received.

"The board of directors is proud of what you've accomplished. I'd like to extend our sincere good wishes to have more collaborations with you in the future," he said, craning his neck as if looking somewhere else. "May I know where's Mr. Jung?"

"It would be our pleasure to work with you, Mr. Park. There he is," Eunae said, pointing at the man, who was a few feet away and had his back at her. "Shall we go?"

The walk towards Jaehyun seemed to be one of the longest and most painful walks she had ever did. It almost felt like crossing the path to hell, leaving her terribly broken and bruised. Every step just seemed to burn her skin and scrape her flesh that her eyes nearly brimmed with tears.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Jung."

Jaehyun abruptly spun on his heel and extended his hand, "Mr. Park, the pleasure is mine to have you here."

"Your business is soaring greater heights, congratulations! The younger generations are really changing the course of the game, huh?" He chuckled, swiftly glancing at the woman beside Jaehyun before looking back at Eunae, quite confusedly. "I hassled Mrs. Jung to bring me with you, my apologies that I might have took your time with...?"

Jaehyun shook his head, "No, you didn't. I'd like you to meet Daeun," he introduced, as the woman unclasped her arms around his, and extended her hand before giving a radiating beautiful smile.

"It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Park. I'm Jang Daeun, Mr. Jung's assistant."

Almost instantly, Eunae felt a burning sensation that surged her throat. The bitterness molded into pointy needles that seemed to have pricked her flesh in the most horrifying way she could have ever imagined.

It was too painful, just way too painful to watch that she could barely bring herself to make a sound, more so, to even utter a single word. The gut-wrenching view before her had her insides twist in the most horrendous way it could ever do that she nearly broke down right there and then.

She was used to this seeing this.

She should have been numb by now.

She should have known better.

Knowing fully well what situation she was in, her breath suddenly got stuck in her throat, grazing her insides excruciatingly. And just then, reality seemed to kick her back in the curb and forced her to wallow on her own dark void where her frightful narrative laid-closeted from everyone else to know.

As always, Jaehyun was true to his words.

When he said he was not like her father, he truly was not.

Because Jaehyun was way worse. He was way worse than her father.

Because right after their wedding ceremony, he began seeing his ex-girlfriend behind her back.

Jaehyun began seeing Daeun, Jang Daeun.

His assistant, his mistress.

"Mrs. Jung, is everything alright?"

Eunae was pulled back to reality when Mr. Park lightly tapped her shoulder. Her thoughts had probably consumed her once again that she had lost track of her surroundings.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking. I've probably had enough drinks for tonight," she chuckled, plastering a smile at the man, who looked more worried for her, more than her own husband did.

"Mr. Jung, why don't we get some drinks by the side and meet the Kangs? They've been waiting for you for a while now," Daeun softly suggested with the familiar tone that rang in Eunae's ears and had her fist her hand.

She knew what Daeun meant. She had already learned her schemes by now.

This was always her means of taking away Jaehyun and have him flaunt her to his colleagues and business partners like how he would usually do.

And just as she expected, Jaehyun placed his hand above Daeun's arms that dangled around his, "If you could excuse us, Mr. Park."

Suddenly, the pain pressed in waves and crept into her heart as she watched them strode away.

Her throat quickly drying uncomfortably and her mouth curving unconsciously into a harrowing smile, while they walked away, looking as ecstatic as ever. Gritting her teeth, Eunae swallowed hardly and pushed back the bleat that wanted to break through the surface.

This had been happening constantly for two years right before her own eyes, yet it seemed as if she still had not gotten used to it. It was almost as if she knew she would never get used to it.

Eunae could not help but wonder why it was still mortifying to be on her shoes.

She should not be hurting anymore; she should not be feeling this. She should have been used to this; she should have been numbed by now with all the pain and atrocities they committed against her.

At times, it would not fail to surprise her how she could still feel the stabbing sorrow hitting her deeply in the gut just like how it did the first time when it happened.

Eunae felt her eyes stung as she watched them laugh together, looking as candid as how she and Jaehyun were before. He held a champagne glass with one hand, while the other held Daeun's hand very gently, almost as if she were made of glass with her arms wrapped around his.

Eunae wanted to swat those arms away from him forever, but she knew she could not. She knew she could not when Jaehyun valued Daeun more over her. She knew he loved Daeun more that if she were to ask him to choose between them, she would end up being forsaken without second thoughts.

And as beaten and pitiful as it sounded, it was the truth she had to live by.

Any moment from then, Eunae knew her tears would dampen her cheeks, and she could not let it happen. She was still in the middle of a party with so many prospect businesses partners around, and she knew she could not do something drastic that could ensue chaos. She knew she could not tarnish their image. She could not risk jeopardizing their companies, even if that meant having to tuck all the hurt underneath her façade all at once.

Eunae knew she could not act rashly. Not when all the people with her tonight did not know that their marriage was nothing, but a façade for business, and that her husband had been cheating one her since day one.

Not really having any strength to stay in such place any longer, Eunae immediately walked away from the party with her head held high. She continued to exchange smiles and glances to people she passed by, not really minding how she had been crumbling from deep within.

Eventually, she reached their garden where she chose to slump back and gaze at the stars. The little twinkling lights painted the lonely pitch-black horizon just as how her tears streamed down her face and decorated her cheeks.

As soon as she was finally alone, Eunae cried as if her heart would break.

She keened for her dreadful fate and miserable life. She mourned for the wishful thinking of living the life she had always dreamt of, of having a simple normal family that she could call her own and swear to protect with her whole life only to open her eyes and live with the reality of being thrown away to the sides. Eunae grieved for her heart torn into pieces. The same heart that she could no longer put back together no matter how much she tried.

As the agonizing truths and the torturous reality consumed her whole, her poignant sobs ultimately wracked her body and woefully scraped her throat. The coldness of the night licking her skin came like a comrade she never had.

Eunae had never wept in front of Jaehyun ever since she found out about his affair.

She could not bring herself to confide with him like how the younger Eunae always did. She could not even breakdown in front of him when she could not even see any trace of the best friend, she used to have in him. He was not the best friend she knew, neither the Jaehyun she had always loved. She just did not know him anymore.

He was seemingly a stranger whom she only had to live with under one roof.

Right at that moment, Eunae could not help but reminisce how everything between them turned bleak.

He was still in a relationship with Daeun when his family business began falling apart.

It started off with a slight decrease in revenue. In laying off a couple of workers, until it came to a point where they had to declare bankruptcy and would have to sell the whole company his parents had worked hard for in years. They tried everything they could to save it, but nothing worked, leaving them with one last-ditch attempt to do so.

His family needed a business entity that could help them rise once again. A partner that was big enough to cement the deteriorating foundation of their company. But with the continuous dwindling of their assets and increasing debts, no one wanted to take the risk and sign his family's business proposals. No one wanted to join a sinking boat. Ticking one option after the other, they got less and less hopes to salvage the bread and butter of their family.

As a best friend, Eunae tried all her best to help them, help the people whom she deemed as part of her family. The same people whom she held dear that she swallowed every bit of dignity she had as a CEO.

She went out of her way and talked to each business partner she had and proposed a business joint venture with the Jungs. When no one seemed to yield her proposition, she humbly went down on her knees to beg her associates, even to the point of flexing her muscles to gain more prospect partners that could entirely sweep away her own company in a snap of a finger.

Eunae would not mind risking everything she had if that meant helping the people who gave her family another shot in life. But then, her efforts went straight down drain when no one wanted to associate with a deteriorating business that was already losing its footing.

The day finally came when all they had left was a last-ditch attempt to save whatever was left of the company. Although Jaehyun refused at first and firmly held his ground, she found him succumbing to the last option they had. She knew he did not want to simply watch as his parents' hard work burn into ashes.

And that was why they found themselves in front of the altar, exchanging vows in front of the crowd they held dear.

Truthfully, Eunae was ecstatic.

It was a dream come true to have and to hold the person whom she had always seen spending her whole life with. It was everything she had been wishing. The dream she had always hoped for to turn into a reality, and it finally did.

But then on top of all the felicity, there were also doubts. A couple of huge ridges of uncertainties and fright that swept her off her feet. She knew Jaehyun was in love... in love with someone who was not her. And the fear of having to experience everything she dreaded for rattled her bones.

She did not know the whole extent of what she signed up for. She did not know what lay ahead of the life she chose. But with Jaehyun's promise of doing everything he could to make their marriage work, Eunae instantly threw away all her worries without second thoughts.

Because Jaehyun was always true to his words, he always was.

And as a best friend who knew him her entire life, Eunae had always believed in him. She had always trusted him and without thinking twice, she gave him everything she got not knowing that loving him would consumer her whole.

Just who would have thought that life she had been wishfully chasing would be the same life she had always been running away from?