Chapter 5 M U T T E R S E E L E N A L L E I N 2

[TW]: implication of rape.

[Flashback]

"Is there anything wrong?" Eunae asked, quite warily. The atmosphere during the car ride home was unfamiliarly cold and distant. It was both terribly and questioningly odd that even though he was just right beside her, she felt as if he was a mile away out of her reach.

Jaehyun furiously went inside their new home and banged the door shut, "You don't know?"

"I don't know why you're so angry. Tell me what's happening," Eunae almost begged, letting the hem of her wedding dress lick the floor as she chased after him.

"Fuck off!" He yelled, pushing her forcefully that she fell to the ground. "I trusted you, I fucking trusted you! Goddamn it!"

"What are you even saying? I don't understand!"

"Cut the bullshit!" Jaehyun roared, forcefully pulling her up by the arm. He pushed her against the door and pinned her wrists above her head. "You planned all of this, didn't you? I can't believe you would stoop this low and take advantage of my family's misery to get what you want."

"What are you saying? I don't understand what you're accusing me of. Why would I even do that!" Eunae countered. Angry tears swelling from the corner of her eyes and fear wrapping her heart. "Jaehyun, you know me! Why would I even plan this!"

His tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he gripped her wrists tighter, "Right, I know you. Aren't you in love with me?" was his striking words that rendered her immobile. Her pupils trembled restlessly just as much as her whole body did. "And I guess you already know that I don't fucking love you the same. I know you so well, those fake tears won't get into me anymore. You've become so manipulative, huh?"

One second, then two, then probably a number before seven, Eunae bit her trembling lips and inhaled sharply as she took in everything he just said. She had been his best friend since time immemorial and that was what he thought of her? Someone manipulative who would desperately use his sufferings just to selfishly be with him?

Did he possibly think of her that low?

The mere thought of the answer being a yes almost had her throw up.

"Cat got your fucking filthy tongue?"

"All the-these years, you think I've been emotionally blackmailing you?" Eunae struggled to ask as the tears began to drip to her cheeks one after the other. Her heart excruciatingly twinging as he let out a sardonic mocking laugh.

"If the shoe fits, then feel free to wear it."

"I can't believe you."

"I can say the same," he roared, pushing her against the door even further that her whole body bounced painfully against it. "You've always dreamt of having a kid, haven't you?"

Without saying anything more than he did, her blood instantly ran cold, and her hands trembled as she struggled from his hold, "Jaehyun! Stop! Don't do this to me!" Eunae yelled loudly as he dragged her to a room. The undeniable strength he had was incomparable that she found herself being dragged easily even with all her might of struggling. "Let me go! Don't do this! Stop!"

"Shut up! You fucked my life, I'm just returning the favor," he said, sounding almost like a promise before pushing her on the bed and turning into the monster she had never imagined facing.

That was the day her pleads began to fall in deaf ears. The day the man she had ever loved ruined her to grotty bits and pieces like irreparable glass shards yet to be disposed.

The day that the marriage she had always thought to be her happily ever after, frightfully turned to the vicious nightmare and lonely battle she was never prepared for.

The day suffering had molded into her life and for the past to haunt her back.

It was day of the beginning of the end.

[End of flashback]

As the sky began to weep just like she did, Eunae finally decided to go up to the bedroom. Her body had been relentlessly screaming for a good rest for the last hours with tiredness creeping into her bones. It was close to midnight by the time she went inside the house and the party had been long over with the caterers cleaning up the space.

Walking towards their bedroom, she abruptly halted her steps and felt her world crumble down before her feet.

Tears began streaming down face overhearing the filthy moans coming from the bedroom and knowing fully well who they were. Eunae covered her mouth as sobs wracked her body. Strength, for a brief instance, left her body that she found her legs wobbling weakly until she slumped on the floor helplessly.

It was not the first time it happened, yet here she was, struggling not to feel the pain.

This had always happened ever since Jaehyun stopped seeing Daeun behind her back and rather brought her home. This was his constant reminder that he would fuck her life-that he would never love her the same way he loved Daeun-that she was merely a toy he would play with.

And Eunae could not help but wonder just when she could eventually get used to all of these-to finally be numbed from everything that had been hurting her since the start of her marriage.

Maybe if Eunae was wise enough, she would have rather went upstairs. Maybe even covered her ears and let slumber engulf her mind and body until the abominable affliction ceased to exist.

But Eunae stayed rooted in front of door and continuously watched as her heart broke into a million pieces she could never put back together. She chose to hear the sins of her husband, she chose to stay-to suffer agonizingly as always.

And the only time she decided to run upstairs was when anxiety rattled her bones: her mind close to blacking out, her lungs losing every sac of air it needed, and her eyes delirious that she almost threw up.

Eunae needed to get away and save herself. She needed to flee and not let him see her like this.

Because little did he know that his infidelity, his atrocities, every pain he had been inflicting on her had already taken a toll on her-to her mental health just exactly as what her mother went through.

History seemed to repeat itself with how she had to suffer the daunting horrors of the past, but the only difference this time around, was she had to face it alone-how she had to wear a mask of a soft endearing smile, while she died little by little in the inside.

Maybe if Eunae was wise enough, she would have already left him the very first time he tormented her with an unbearable pain. Maybe she would have done that without second thoughts. Maybe only if she was wise enough.

But she was not-she was as a pitiful fool for the sake of love.

Because until now, she was still clinging onto the wishful thinking that maybe someday, somehow, somewhere along the rugged path they were taking, they might hopefully find each other again.