FORTY NINE

Ryder

When I was in the air, approximately halfway to the East Coast and the inevitable, Lyndon gave me a call. He inquired as to whether or not I desired for him to take any action in regard to Kim.

What are you going to do about her? I echoed. "I thought you said you didn't have anything," the person asked.

He said it in a matter-of-fact manner, "I told you I hadn't found anything."

I understood what he meant. He always carried something in the pocket behind his back. A frame, a fix up, a trap. Should he put Kim in one? Did I want him to?

I gave it some thought as I fixed my gaze on the back of the seat in front of me. If Lyndon were able to conjure up an incriminating counter to what Kim had on me, it would make my life a hell of a lot easier. Despite the fact that Samantha loved her very much, she had long since lost Samantha's ability to give her the benefit of the doubt. She would be aware that accusing me of setting her up would only serve to drive a wedge between her and Samantha. It was possible that it would work, but the temptation to try it quickly dissipated after it had emerged. Even though I put my complete faith in Lyndon, he was unable to provide any assurance that Samantha would never find out the truth. It was a completely different matter to tell her about Lexie. I'll never be able to explain why I blackmailed her mother.

I had the sensation that I was severing my last connection to my previous life when I told Lyndon not to do anything and then hung up the phone with him. The one in which I lived up to my promise to Samantha and became the kind of father she'd always wanted. That one, which had taken me twenty-two years to construct.

Surprisingly, despite the fact that I was dreading the moment when I would have to tell my daughter the truth, I felt as though a tether had been loosened. Seeing the expression on my daughter's face was going to make me feel like sh*t, but we were going to make it through this somehow. Also, it's possible that Lexie will be there as well.

Olive Garden was a must, according to Samantha. That didn't bother me in the least. It would be better for me to tell them there than to ruin a restaurant that I liked with a memory that was bound to be unpleasant.

She said as she took a bite out of one of the breadsticks, "I told you they were amazing."

"Sam, I've sampled the breadsticks on previous occasions." As soon as we took our seats, I placed an order for a beer. Now that I've had it, I'm wondering where the hell to even begin.

"So, tell me, why are you even here?" Samantha inquired as to the timing of her swallowing. "It's not that it's not nice to see you, but it is strange, considering that I'm going to be going home for Thanksgiving in the near future."

I gave the icy bottle a good vigorous squeeze. Samantha cocked her head in response to my lack of response. Is there a connection between this and Lexie in any way?

Suddenly, my focus shifted from the bottle to her face, and a wave of disbelief washed over me. Did she have any idea? Did she have no problem with it? She did not give off the impression of being angry at all.

Samantha advised, "If things didn't work out with the job, feel free to let me know."

I attempted to clear my throat. "In your opinion, why do you think it didn't go as planned?"

My other daughter gave a shrug. Her ebony curls danced around her shoulders in a carefree manner. I haven't been able to get in touch with her for a few days at this point. You came into the room out of the blue. Simply put, I'm trying to put two and two together and see what I get.

I responded in a measured tone, "Well, you're right. Because of Lexie, I am in this room. But the reason has nothing to do with how the job turned out.

Samantha's eyes, which were hazel in color, did not show the slightest sign of comprehension. She did not have the slightest idea. The bomb had not yet been placed in her lap by Kim, who had not yet had the opportunity to do so. That indicated that the entire force of the explosion would be directed toward me.

I finished my beer by gagging on the neck of the bottle before putting it down with a thunk.

"Dad," Samantha said in surprise. "What's the matter?"

Andrew had guided me through this process, but at this point, everything was a mess. It wasn't appropriate for us to be discussing Lexie at this time. It was my responsibility to let her know that I'd made a new friend. It made me happy. After that, I was going to spill the beans on everything, and then I was going to let her decide what to do.

But as I continued to stare at the grown woman across the table from me, I felt something inside of me begin to unravel. I'd finished what needed to be done as a parent.

She had grown into a contented, balanced, and shrewd adulthood. She was going to pursue her ambition of becoming an actress in a few months, and she was going to do this by tearing down the final layer of the cocoon that I had tried to encase her in. the one that she did not reveal to me because she did not want to risk my feelings of disappointment. In exactly the same way that I had concealed Lexie from her.

"Dad?" she questioned, a look of concern creeping into her eyes. "Is everything alright?"

I came out with it all at once: "I'm in love with Lexie."

Samantha's mouth hung open as she stared at the floor. After she laughed, she paused abruptly and looked at me in silence. Her face gradually lost its color as the blood left it. Both of her eyes and her mouth were shaped like Os.

Both of her eyes and her mouth were shaped like Os. " What do you mean?"

"Neither of us planned for it, but it happened."

"Can you please explain what actually happened?" Samantha inquired with a voice that was only slightly louder than a whisper.

My jaw began to clench. "As I was saying... I couldn't help but have feelings for her.

"Right, but I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how you fell in love with her," she said.

The pitch of Samantha's voice increased when she said "how," and it broke into sobs when she said "love." My heart was pierced with pangs of anguish and a sense of responsibility when I saw the pain and shock in her eyes. I'd put in a lot of effort throughout my life to make sure I never saw that expression on her face. The undeniable realization that I had failed her in a fundamental way was one of those things.

"Could it have been her personality?" Samantha pushed, her sarcasm becoming more acidic as she attempted to patch the cracks. "Her kind heart?"

I quickly responded with "Yes."

The laugh that Samantha gave was unconvincing. "Yeah, I bet. In the same way that she couldn't help but fall in love with you because of your sense of humor.

When I curled my fingers around the empty beer bottle, I gave it so much pressure that I was afraid it would break. Not when I saw tears gathering in her lower lashes, a silvery underline to her hostile glare; I didn't want to rise to her bait. I didn't want to rise to her bait. I'd never seen her look more like Kim. It made me feel uneasy.

However, just as the comparison was beginning to take shape, her face fell, and it vanished. "God, Dad. You could have had your pick of any of the beautiful women working in Hollywood. You decided to mess around with my best friend, do you take responsibility for that?

I didn't say anything.

"And her–" Samantha gave a little shrug of her shoulders as she felt tears well up in her eyes and begin to stream down her face. She removed them in a furious manner. "It's no wonder she hasn't been picking up when I call her. Because she is so busy being a"

"Stop right there, Samantha," I whispered. I was unable to defend myself, but it was imperative that I defend Lexie. She hadn't broken any rules in any way. I hadn't thought of that either, to be honest. It was time for us to stop acting like children and start behaving like adults. Due to the fact that I had lied to my daughter in the past, I was now in a position where I needed to tell her the truth.

In spite of the fact that I felt awful, I had the sensation that my shoulders had been lifted. I was able to put them in order. "I'm in love with Lexie, and I'm sorry that I drove her away because I never wanted to see that look on your face again," he said.

A look of surprise flashed across Samantha's eyes. Her features didn't change much, but there was noticeably less anger on her face. "What do you mean when you say that you caused her to leave?"

"She was supposed to be at work this morning, but she was absent. Although I haven't confirmed it, I believe that she has already left the Los Angeles area.

While Samantha and I were separated by the table, our eyes met across the space where the breadsticks were cooling. She continued to speak with a tone that was harsh and unforgiving, saying, "I hope you don't expect me to help you track her down."

"That's not why I came," the speaker said. I made my presence known to the waiter, and he brought the check to me.

He blinked at our table, which was empty. "Do you want your food to go?"

“No.” I gave him my credit card to look at.

Samantha watched the exchange, and her level of surprise continued to rise. When the waiter stood up to run the credit card, she stared after him in disbelief and asked, "Are you just going to drop that news on me and leave? Are you really going for that father of the year award, or are you just kidding yourself?"

"Sam, I'll always want to be the best father I can be, but you're an adult now, and if I'd realized that sooner, I'd be better off," the father said to his son. "Sam, I'll always want to be the best father I can be." I kept my voice level.

"For the first time in my life, I find myself falling in love, and it is imperative that I win her back."

Even if it means you'll have to give up on me? She had every intention of using those words as a challenge, but instead her voice cracked and tears welled up once more in her eyes.

I had some doubts. It was so fucking difficult not to comfort her by assuring her that she would always come first in everything. However, I was unable to put my future plans with Lexie in her hands. It was time for the both of us to stop acting like children and grow up. "I understand if you need time and don't want to see me for a while, but please know that I will always love you more than anything in this world, and that I will always be your dad, Sam. It's just that it's not everything I am anymore."

I stood up, hoping that she would follow my lead. I had this intense desire for her to run up to me and throw herself into my arms, just like she used to do when she was a little girl and I was everything to her. On the other hand, I wasn't anymore.

And that was perfectly fine. We were both required to develop the ability to let go. When she crossed her arms in a defiant manner – another habit she retained from her youth – I gave her a single nod and then turned to leave.

I needed to track down Lexie.