You can’t fix the past

Blake’s Pov

I picked up Em from the ground and carry her to the apartment. Her face holds the most adorable smile and I can’t keep my eyes off her, until I almost drop her when I saw my mother lying in front of my door in her own puke, having a seizure.

“Blake!” Emily yells when I put her down and run up to my mother.

“What a fuck mom, what did you take?” I yelled when Emily pulled me away from her and turned to get on her side so as not to choke on her own puke.

I grab my hair in frustration, and my entire childhood is having a feast inside my mind.

“We need to get her to a hospital,” Emily announced, frightened.

“No, I can’t have this all over the media,”

“Blake, now is not the time for you to be ruthless. This is your mother.” Emily yells when the neighbour opened his door.

“Get the fuck back into your apartment,” I holler and pointed at him.

“Help me carry her inside. I will run a bath for her.”

“Blake?” Emily half-whispered.

“Just do it, Emily,” I shout back, and she grabs her feet to carry her to the bathroom. I watch how Emily is trying to be strong and stay calm, maybe for me, or maybe because she’s a nurse. Either way, I’m fucking furious. I just made a promise to Emily that I will never break her and here I’m screaming and shouting.

What a fuck? Why would my mother come here and bring back all the memories I’ve been trying to lock away or deal with?

“Blake, if we don’t get her to a hospital now, she will die. We don’t know what she took and her pulse is weak!” I glared at my mother as the water runs over her body. I can’t hear a word Emily is saying.

The only thing I see is my mother lying in front of me, looking exactly like my sister. A memory that was not supposed to have such a shock on me.

“Let me take away your pain. I promise I will stay!” Emily’s words rushed like a fucking a gush of wind into my mind. I froze and walked backwards out of the bathroom.

If she’s dying, then I don’t want to be here. She blamed my father for my sister’s death and here she’s gasping for air. I don’t even recognise her.

“Where are you going?” Emily screams, holding my mother up, making sure she doesn’t sink under the water.

“Blake?” she yells again when I slammed the door.

*stay Alive, don’t leave me, I love you. Come back to me, please, you can make it my little girl, breathe just breathe!!* my mother’s voice echoes in my mind how she pleaded for my sister to stay alive, and my father was just sitting on the couch.

I didn’t just lose my sister that day; I lost my mother as well, and doesn’t matter how much I hit a punching bag or defeat my opponent in kickboxing, that is one pain no one can ever take away, the day my mother walked out on me and left me with my father. My father trained me to care for no one.

I finally made it to the bar and ordered one drink after another. I either need to drink myself fucked tonight, or my memories will haunt me and I might kill someone tonight.

I kept drinking and drinking, but my little sister’s face keeps haunting me, causing endless achy inside me.

I keep reminding myself that I made a promise to Emily, but I can’t even fucking hold myself together at this moment.

I know I shouldn’t have left her alone with my dying mother, but I can’t. I just can’t bear the pain of seeing her dying. Even though I haven’t been part of her life for most of my childhood and teenage life, I still can’t.

Maybe my father was right, emotions make you weak!

I ordered another drink until my vision became blurry. My phone kept buzzing, but I know it was Emily who wants to tell me that my mother fucking died.

I should’ve never fallen for Emily, now it’s too late, I let the gate open to be broken and I let the pain take over the moment I fell for Emily, and to be honest, she could be better without me, our demons hate each other and it’s a constant fight who will win, her desire to be stronger or my desire to have emotions and let someone in.

“Watch it jackass.” I spilt my drink and when I turned around, some drunk idiot, well, not that I’m sober, walked into me and have the nerve to tell me to watch it.

“Dude, you don’t want to pick a fight tonight,” I said with clenched teeth. I’m trying very hard to keep my fucking temper, but the guy is making it very hard where he grins and looks at me like some fucking broken child.

“Back off.” the bartender said to the unfamiliar guy, but I have other plans.

“Don’t walk away now.” Darrell shoots me a warning glare, but I ignore it this time. I don’t care if I lose my title as a kickboxer. I need to take my pain out on someone, and this motherfucker is asking for it so nicely. I grin and with one push, he was lying on the floor with me on top of him.

I kept hitting and hitting until the guy was unconscious, with no referee to stop me, only Darrell, but he can’t even pour a fucking beer properly.

“Blake?” I heard a familiar voice scream. When I looked up, I saw Emily and the unbearable fear and pain on her face.

She turned around when I stopped and walked out of the bar.

“Em!” I yelled, but she ignored me.

“Em!” I grab her and turned her around.

“Your mother is alive and asleep on your couch,” she said in a painful voice, and started walking.

“I’m sorry,” I yell when she suddenly turned around and walked up to me.

“I know you have a lot of shit to deal with, so do I, but you promised, you promised to never break me.”