Chapter 55

The next morning, I was up early. I hadn't slept well after the dawning realisation of my true feelings for Kat. It had been racing around my head all night long. I was relieved when she had said that she couldn't stay long, as she needed to leave and get back to work, I was even more relieved that I hadn't been stupid enough to say those three words to her. It had come out of the blue. I needed some time to get my head around it myself first, I couldn't handle having that discussion with her until it was a bit clearer in my own mind, if at all. Running my fingers through my hair for the umpteenth time, I got up from the sofa, where I'd spent the hours mulling things over, and wandered into the kitchen.

I was just putting bread in the toaster as Roxy came through the front door and into the kitchen, I whirled around and held out a mug of steaming coffee, made just how she liked it.

"You, are an angel." She said, taking it from my hand and moving to sit with it at the table.

"Well, we both know that isn't true." I laughed, leaning against the counter and sipping at my own coffee.

As she sat down, she turned and took a proper look at me.

"You look worse than I feel." She said, cradling the mug between her hands.

"Gee, thanks. I love you too." I said sarcastically.

Great, there's those words again.

They made my stomach churn as I realised just how much of a difference there was in the meaning of them between Roxy and Kat. I was able to mentally pick out the exact reasons for why I loved each of them, and how my love for Kat, was something far different than the familial type of love I had for Rox.

"Seriously Ev, has something happened between you and Kat?" She asked determinedly.

The ping of the toaster sounded behind me as four slices of perfectly browned toast jolted to the surface. I pulled them out and put two slices on two separate plates, quickly buttered them all, then sat at the table, reaching for the marmite, whilst Roxy grabbed the strawberry jam.

"Nothing's happened." I said, spreading the marmite onto one piece of the buttery toast.

"Bullshit Ev, spill." She bit back, spreading jam onto one of hers, then sliding the jar over to me, as I skidding the marmite towards her.

I paused as I dunked the knife into the jam, staring into the red jelly but not seeing it as I gave her the answer she was waiting for.

"I love her." I said quietly.

I heard the clang of a knife hitting a plate, and closed my eyes, waiting to hear some kind of response. Bracing myself for it to be a bad one. But she caught me by surprise as I felt her hand against my cheek and she guided my gaze up to her face, which was lit up by a happy smile.

"I'm so happy for you Evan." She said slowly and clearly, as though she needed to be sure that I heard her. " Did you tell Kat?"

I winced as though she'd just yelled at me, and saw the confusion cross her face.

"Why not?" She asked, lifting a piece of toast to her mouth and ignoring it as it was left suspended in mid air.

"Because it came out of nowhere." I replied incredulously.

To my surprise, Roxy burst out laughing, her toast now falling back to the plate with a slight clatter. I rolled my eyes, confused as to what she found so funny, and waiting for her laughter to subside enough to ask. Before I could though she cleared her throat, choking back the laughter and gasping.

"You idiot. That's how it happens. There's not a huge set of warnings on the path to that revelation Ev." She said shaking her head in disbelief, before continuing softly. "You just know it when it's the right time."

"Who the fuck decided that this was the right time?" I burst out.

Roxy rolled her eyes, finally taking a bite of her toast.

"You, you pillock. Who else?"

Groaning, I continued eating, chewing slowly as I pondered my best friend's words.

"If you know that you love her, you should tell her. If she has any sense, she'll feel the same way about you." Roxy said gently, reaching across the table and squeezing my hand.

"Thanks Rox." I smiled in response. "I think I just need a little more time to get my head around it."

She nodded in understanding and I felt a bit more at ease. Speaking the words aloud had made me even more sure of how genuine I was about them.

"Right, I have to get to work, I have a meeting in twenty minutes." Roxy said, rising to her feet.

She quickly hurried around the edge of the table and kissed my cheek.

"Sure, I need to get ready too." I replied, checking the clock.

"I'm just a text away if you need me. There's no rush Ev, you'll know when it's the right time."

Her words were a comfort, I knew she was right, but at the same time, I felt like there was still some kind of ticking clock inside me, counting down the seconds, as though I had to tell her before it ran out. I shook the thought from my head and hugged her, then followed her out of the kitchen, turning for the stairs as she went through the front door.

I spent the entire day at work, trying to keep my mind focused on anything other than the screaming emotions that were boiling up inside me. Not that it worked, the harder I tried to push it from my mind, the harder it resisted. I knew that Kat was coming by after her shift, and although I had no intention of confessing that night, by the time that I left work that evening, I'd already run through about a dozen different scenarios of how I would tell her.

Crossing the car park, I felt my phone buzz in my jacket pocket. Stopping dead, I closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself for yet another text about the new project we took on, and pulled out my phone. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it was from Kat. But my smile soon faded as I read the text.

Can't make tonight, sorry.

I stared at the screen, trying to figure out why it felt like something was off about the message. Shaking my head, I figured it was just the stress of the day, and got into my car, heading for home.

I didn't hear from Kat for the entire weekend. It was very unusual, especially as of late, and I wasn't sure what might have caused her to act so distant. The message I'd sent her on Saturday evening had gone by unanswered, and the situation was beginning to frustrate me.

By Monday evening, I was all but ready to turn up at her work and demand answers. But that was rendered unnecessary as I returned home to find Kat waiting outside. I parked up and walked towards her, my eyes drinking her in, from her cute little ponytail to the yellow sundress and wooden wedge sandals. I hadn't realised just how much I'd missed her until that moment. I wanted to snatch her up into my arms and take her straight to my room, but as I stopped in front of her, the look on her face told me that it wasn't the right time for that.

"Hey." She said quietly, giving me a small, uneasy smile.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you here." I replied, moving past her and unlocking the door.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry for just showing up, but I need to talk to you."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, not quite sure what was going on, but I nodded and let her walk in ahead of me.

Kat went to the living room whilst I went to the kitchen to get us both a drink. When I joined her, she was perched on the edge of the sofa, clearly looking uncomfortable for some reason.

"Kat what's going on?" I asked, sounding slightly impatient as the dread began to take hold inside me.

She took a deep breath, her eyes closing for just a second, before opening and meeting mine.

"I'm pregnant."