Chapter 58

I drifted through the next few days feeling like I was in a trance. Work passed by in a blur and my evenings were spent on the sofa, watching tv or lost in thoughts of time that I spent with Kat. I hadn't seen or spoken to her since Monday night, and I wasn't sure if or when I would again. Each night I went to sleep, my stomach in knots, hating the not knowing part, unsure what Kat was thinking, or doing. If she'd talk to me before deciding one way or the other, or if I could even bear to hear it if she chose to have an abortion.

By the end of the week, the waiting was driving me crazy. I missed her, I missed every little thing about her. The divinely sweet fragrance that she wore and how her hair tickled my neck when I woke up with her in my arms. I even missed her irritating jibes and sarcastic comments. I'd lost count of how many times I had picked up my phone and nearly dialled her number, longing to just listen to her voice. I threw my phone onto the sofa beside me after doing that for the third time that evening, and tried to concentrate on the tv. A few minutes passed and I still had no idea what the hell was going on, unable to focus enough to follow what the characters were talking about. The loud sound of the doorbell rang through the hallway, and with a disgruntled groan, I pushed myself up off the sofa and made my way to the door. I reached out to turn the handle, and I felt a twinge of panic, wondering for just a second, if Kat would be waiting on the other side. Pulling myself together, I swung the door open, and came face to face with Sean.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you. Everything okay?" I asked warily, stepping back to allow him past.

"Not really, I need to talk to you, about Kat." He replied, turning to face me as I closed the door behind him.

The moment I looked into his eyes, I could see that he knew. He didn't look angry, but he looked more serious than I'd ever really seen him.

"Go on through." I inclined my head towards the living room and followed after him, slumping back into my seat as Sean removed his leather jacket and dropped into the chair opposite.

"Just to be clear, I know everything." Sean said with a stern look, dropping his arms over his knees as he sat forwards on the chair.

"In that case, I owe you an apology, for not being the one to tell you myself, and for hiding it for so long." I replied sincerely.

Sean exhaled sharply, his gaze softening.

"I understand why you both kept it a secret, looking back, I guess I sort of suspected it. But I didn't want to think that I was right. I assumed that if I was, then you'd be over before anything began. For that, I'm sorry."

I gave a small shrug in response, I understood his perspective and I didn't blame him for it. Knowing that there was only one person who could have filled him in on everything, I asked the first thing that came to mind.

"How is she?"

"Honestly, not that great."

Hearing that made me feel worse, but at the same time, hearing that she was doing great would have hurt equally.

"Is she... has she... I mean-"

"Had an abortion?" Sean said, finishing my sentence and saying what I couldn't bring myself to say.

I nodded in response and to my relief, Sean shook his head.

"No, she hasn't. I don't think she even knows what she wants herself. My sister has always wanted to have a family. A husband, a few kids, a lovely home. But this hasn't happened the way she always planned."

"It hasn't happened how I would have planned either." I sighed.

Sean nodded in understanding, reaching up a hand and tracing his jawline with his fingers.

"It's not too late you know." He said, "You can still talk to her."

"We talked, I told her how I feel."

His eyes focused on me, and I felt as though he could read the thoughts that were spinning in my head.

"She does love you, you know."

I let out an involuntary snort of laughter in response.

"No she doesn't." I replied.

"You're wrong. I know my sister Ev, and she loves you. Nothing was clearer than that when she came to ours the other night." Sean explained.

A small trace of hope flared inside me, I couldn't help it. My feelings for her weren't extinguished, if anything, her absence had made them even stronger. As much as I hated the way that night had gone, and was still being tormented by the kiss, I knew that I wouldn't be able to just forget about her and move on.

"If that was true, then why didn't she tell me?" I shrugged.

Sean leant back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and looking at me as though he couldn't believe that he had to spell it out.

"Have you even thought about how she might have felt throughout your..." he waved his hand through the air, trying to think of the right word, "Fling. You've never once been in a serious relationship, since she's known you. Then suddenly you two are together, of course she wouldn't think you were going to be serious about her."

His words hit home and I realised that he had a point.

"She could have told me though, when she knew I felt the same way."

This time, it was Sean's turn to laugh.

"Was it that easy for you to admit it? Besides, she's probably spent weeks trying to convince herself that she doesn't love you, talking herself out of allowing even the notion of falling for you. That wasn't going to disappear the moment you lost your temper and admitted how you felt."

"I appreciate you telling me, but I need to hear it from her. I don't want to push her to make a decision, and I don't want it to be just because she's pregnant."

"And I respect that, maybe more than you realise. But she's a wreck right now. She's alone, she's pregnant, and I think she's trying to realise just how she really feels about everything. Not just you. But the way she is without you, it's just like how I was without Rox. She needs you, even if she's too stubborn or too stupid to realise it yet."

I chewed on my bottom lip, unsure of what to do with this information. On the one hand it changed nothing, and on the other, it changed everything.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked.

He thought it over for a second before speaking.

"What do you want?"

I knew the answer, it hadn't changed from the moment that I found out about the baby.

"I want us to be a family." I answered simply and firmly, wanting him to know how serious I was.

He smiled, seemingly satisfied with my answer, and leaning forwards again, he replied:

"So what's stopping you?" He asked with a smug grin.

I had no answer to that. If he was right about her feelings for me, then I had to fix this. I love her, and that was all that mattered. If she wasn't ready to tell me, then it could wait. But for now, the woman that had my heart and our unborn baby were out there on their own, and that thought crushed me even more than seeing her kissing her ex. I leapt to my feet and grabbed my phone and my keys from the table, shoving them into my jeans pocket, and racing towards the door, calling out to Sean as I ran:

"Lock up for me please!"

"She's at work!" He shouted back as I slammed the door.

I jumped in my car, and sped off down the road, hurrying in the direction of the hospital as my heart pounded in my chest and my stomach flipped with anxiety, anticipation and excitement.