36 - Unseen Worth

"Mama ..." I called mama as soon as I saw her sitting next to papa's bed.

Earlier when I got off the plane, I hurried out of the airport and took a taxi. I was right here at the Hospital where Papa was, even though I was tired I didn't care, as long as I wanted to see papa and thank any donor.

And here I am, in my dad's room. She is thin. She is even thinner now.

"S-sariel ..." Mama said calmly. And I was shocked, I expected her to shout at me, push me away and ignore me. But it didn't happen.

The calmness of his voice. I could see no anger in his eyes as he saw me. Because what I see is pure sadness.

"M-ma." I stammered. And I don’t know, I feel. I cried because of his treatment.

"A-son, S-Sariel ..." Mama's voice trembled.

"Ma ?!" my eyes widened. I was shocked to hear what he said. Suddenly I felt like crying.

D-did I heard it ... r-right? Did she ... did she really call me ... son?

"Sariel ...." Mama said at length.

And I don’t know. But it seems like my body has a life of its own and it just acted on its own until I realized ... that I was close to mama. I immediately hugged him, I didn't hesitate anymore. I never thought of the possibility that he would lay his hand on me and push me away from him. In fact, I'm ready for the anger that Mama will vent.

I am willing to accept any hurtful word from him, as long as the replacement is a hug. I just hugged him and just waited for his anger.

But my eyes almost widened because of what he did. My tears immediately fell.

Because instead of mama getting angry and pushing me, she hugged me.

Yes, mom hugged me! I can feel her hands caressing my back. Your type like pi he comforts me. I cried even more.

This is the very first time that Mama hug me. This is the very first time that mama addresses me as her .... anak. and it feels good. I want to savor the moment.

It feels like I was in a dream. The overwhelming feelings are too much. And I silently wish .... that if it was just a dream, I hope ... I hope I don't wake up first. I want to make the most of the feeling that I can hug mama.

"Mama ..." crying I said I had nothing else to say and only that word I wanted to say.

"S-Sariel ... son." mama now I can hear the sobbing.

"M-ma ... n-dreaming p-po ba a-ako?" I said.

"No ... no, Son. I'm sorry Mama, ha." sobbing mama said and then she broke her hug from me. I, on the other hand, struggled to resist mama's release from the hug.

I don't want ... I don't want to let go of the hug right away, because I know this might be the first and last time I'll hug him. Because definitely in the next few days Mama's coldness to me will return.

"Shh ... son s-stop c-crying." Mama who still continues to let go of my hug. And maybe, because of my weakness, so he also removed my hug with him.

And the moment I felt that my hug with Mama was gone, Mama's hug with me was gone, it seemed like I suddenly lost a part of my heart. It feels empty again.

Mom wiped my face and then wiped away my tears with her fingers. Things I never thought he would do.

And it was also correct that the door of papa's room opened and the doctor spat.

"Good evening, Ms. Arguaza." He greeted me, I smiled and then I also greeted him.

"May, I have your time for a while we need to discuss some things about your father's condition and the operation." then the doctor said it came out. The nurses who accompanied the doctor were left inside to take care of papa.

***

"Ms. Arguaza. You're father's condition is at risk. I can't promise you anything about the operation. There's only a very little chance that your father will succeed the operation. It's his decision."

As much as the Doctor said earlier that was all I really understood. Heart disease accept with no certainty if Dad will live. But even if the chance is small I will still handle that. I hope Dad lives.

Then as I walked back to my dad's room I even overcame a withered vegetable.

"What ... what did the Doctor say?" Mom brought me back to sanity.

I looked up at him. And as soon as my eyes met his, I immediately saw the glimmer of sadness and hope there. And I don't why ... but I have a feeling that I shouldn't told her what did the doctor said to me. But somehow there's also a feeling inside me, saying that I should tell her, she deserves to know the truth.

I couldn't answer Mama right away, because I was wondering if I should tell the truth or if I was just lying?

"It's okay, Ma. I'm just waiting for the one -month extension requested by the donor before performing the operation." And there I choosed what I think is right to do ... I choosed to lie.

"Hmm .." mama said to me. Then I don't know if I'll be happy or if I'll be wired with mama. How could it be that he was staring at me and seemed to memorize every angle of my face. "W-wait, have you eaten yet, son?" Mom asked worriedly.

"Yes? Ah ... h-not yet. I'll be here right away, eh." I stammered. Pretty shy.

"Oh, you're my child! Why didn't you tell me right away? Just go ahead. I'll buy you some food outside." After that Mama said and she hurried out.

And when he disappeared from my sight then my forehead furrowed, until now I still can't believe what Mama is doing. This is not her. But I like it — no scratch that I love it.

I looked at Papa who was still sound asleep.

"Pa ... get well, huh? Fight for us, Pa. I still have a lot of shortcomings with you. I-I still want you to be able to ... bond. S-sorry, s-for everything I did before .K-if only I had been kind ... k-if only I hadn't a-I was insecure with Ariela then. Everything won't happen. Lola wouldn't die, Ariela wouldn't die, and you wouldn't be in this hospital fighting for your own life. Sorry papa. " crying I said. I regret everything I did before. Because I really feel like I am. I am to blame for everything that happened to us. I'm such a failure.

I was just crying next to dad. Until I heard my cellphone ring. And when I looked at that I saw Aius’s name calling.

And there it hit me! I haven't texted him since I got here! Damn! Maybe that's worrying. How could I forgot texting him!

I answered that quickly.

"Baby ..." Aius said immediately as soon as I answered the call.

"I'm sorry I didn't text you." I apologize right away.

"It's okay, I know you're tired. By the way I just call you to check on you. Are you all safe? Hmm?"

"Yes please." I replied smiling.

"That's good. How I wish I'm with you." he said again.

"It's okay, baby. Focus on what you have to do then follow me here when your work is done." I will comfort him.

"Yeah, I will. By the way, have you eaten?" he asked.

"Not yet, baby."

"Damn! It's already late. I told you to eat on time. You might get sick of that." with concern he said. I smiled. He's really is caring.