40

"Sariel, when are you coming back here to the Philippines, dai!" my manager asked me while on the call.

"I don't know yet, because papa hasn't had surgery yet." I answered him in a sad voice.

It's been a month since I flew here in the U.S. and until now papa's heart transplant still hasn't been performed. There's a fear in my heart, that the donor might back down, because I haven't seen him personally. The only thing I'm really holding on to are mama's words that papa's donor is sure and that he won't back down, he can talk. He said that the donor was just taking advantage of the times when he was still with his family.

"Girl, next week is the showing of your movie by Aius, and you must be here for a fan sign and pictures. You can't be without it." Manager replied, trying to remind me of my obligation to the movie showing that will take place next week.

And by the way, the thought of the movie showing is giving me a bit heartache and excitement. Heartache for I don't know what the reason is. And excitement because of course that's my very first movie. And I heard that the day the movie tickets were released, it sold out quickly. That's the power of being Aius' partner.

"Besides, dai. Don't you miss your boyfriend? I'm sure Aius' misses you so much, and you know, dai. These past few days I've noticed that Aius always seems to be stressed, and then there seems to be a big trouble carrying, always stupid, eh. Did you fight? " the manager unconditionally spoke to me, without me responding to what he had said earlier.

And when he said that I became even more speechless. Just the mention of Aius' name is making me speechless and sad for some reason.

"Hey, girl what are you doing there? You're already dumb." the Manager.

"A-ah? What ... ahm ... nothing, Aius and I are fine." I lied.

"Huh? You're fine, maybe he just really misses you a lot. Yiiiieee." the manager said teasingly to me.

I faked a laugh. "Ah haha, yes maybe that's it." I said, and I know I couldn't hide the sadness in my voice.

"Girl, do you have a problem? You don't seem to be happy for me." si manager and this time worry is visible in his tone.

"Ahm yup! By the way, I'm gonna hang up. I still have work to do, and oh, I have a surprise for you when I get back." I just said that to avoid the questions he would ask.

"Wow, really? What's that? I'm excited-"

"Bye, manager!" I interrupted the manager's speech.

I know, what I did was rude, but what can I do? I can't hold my tears anymore.

I immediately ran to the hospital bathroom and as soon as I got in there and immediately my tears flowed. My heart is clenching inside my chest. And it hurts so much.

It's been a month since I fly here in the U.S, and it's been 2 weeks since I met Jared. And during those two weeks, so much happened. It happened like a flash of memory.

I don't know what gotten in my mind, the night I met with Jared. I don't why the heck I believe in his words. And i regret that I believed in him. Do you wanna know why? Then let me tell it to you.

That night, before I sleep Aius called me on the phone. We talked like the usual us. Sweet and full of love. But then I don't know why did I ask Aius about me being his pass time or a rebound. I just asked that. And he admitted it.

"Yes, baby. But listen to me first. At first that's the reason, at first you're just my pass time and rebound. I admit it, I don't wanna lie to you. I love you so much so I ' m telling this to you. " he said. And when I heard that, I felt like I was deaf. It hurts! I cried then.

"Why? !! What did I do to you to make you do that to me? !!" I shouted angrily.

"Baby, I'm really sorry, and I regret it! I promise! My love for you is true! I really love you so much, I love you more than I loved my ex before. Please baby, don't be mad at me. Let me explain please? " pleading Aius on the other line.

But my mind is still closed and in chaos. I don't want to believe in his explanation, I'm afraid that he'll just tell lies, so I just ended the call without hearing his explanation and then I cried and cried and cried all night until I fell asleep.

The next morning he called and I answered it. Then we started arguing again.

I asked and said so many questions, until I didn't realize that what I was saying was below the belt, I just realized that we were already fighting.

He proposed to me, but I refuse him. The next days he still flirts with me, his calling me nonstop but I refuse to answer his calls and messages.

But can you blame me? My mind is in chaos, just by thinking of what Jared told me, and the fact that Papa's heart is failing and failing each passing days is enough for me to think negatively.

One morning, I was waiting for Aius message and call but it didn't happen. But I still waited, because I realized that I was unfair, that I was immature so that he wouldn't explain. I waited for his call and text me all day, but I didn't receive any calls or texts from him. He didn't message me.

And that's when I realized that maybe he's getting tired of my habit. Maybe he's annoyed and maybe I need to cool him down first. So that's what I did. I waited until after a week before he texted.

Then a week later, I texted him. But he seems very busy with their family company, because he doesn't reply to me.

But guess what's more shocking? I called him one time, and I was extremely happy when he answered the call, I immediately said I LOVE YOU then sorry. But all my joy suddenly disappeared when I didn't hear his voice. Because it was a voice of a kid. Yes, a young boy.

I remembered I cried all night.

"Sariel, son?" I was stopped in a deep moan in the bathroom when I heard a faint knock on the door and at the same time mama's voice that could be heard worried.

I didn't answer.

"Sariel, what's wrong? I know you're crying. Come on out. Mama's here for you." Mama said, this time she was turning the bathroom doorknob.

"Ma ..." that's all I said in the middle of my sobbing.

"Yes, honey? Come out, baby. Mama's here." affectionate, full of love and tenderness mama said to me.

Blurred with tears I decided to go out of the bathroom, and as soon as I saw mama I immediately hugged her tightly which she immediately reciprocated with a tighter hug.

"Shh, honey stop crying. Everything will be fine." said mom. He comforts me, he caresses my back.

And it's kinda relieving, somehow. I love it, everytime she caressed my back to calm me down. It feels good, because I really feel the feeling of having a parent.

"It hurts, Mom." it seems like a child that I complain about how I really feel.

"Son, it's okay. Hmm? Stop crying, crying won't be good for you. You're pregnant, and it's not good for the baby." mama again, reminded me of my pregnancy.

And yes, it's positive. I was confirmed pregnant because I was checked by the OB-gyne doctor.

"But ... but I can't help it, Ma."

"Isn't he still talking to you?" mama asked as she wiped the tears from my cheeks.

I just shook my head and sank into my mother's chest again and then cried again.

"Stop crying, son. Everything will be fine too, okay? Rest now, Sariel. I'm sure you're tired from crying." as mama says those lines she slowly leads me closer to the bed. Until we got to bed he sat me there.

"Stop crying, okay? Sleep, honey." said mama and then she slowly laid me down on the bed and hugged me.

"You think ... you think he still loves me, ma?" I will ask.

"Of course he still loves you, son. What's that question?"

"If ... if ... if he really still love me, then why he's still not calling me? Doesn't he misses me?" crying I said.

"Maybe he's jusy busy, and then maybe he's just really missing you son, who knows he'll have a surprise for you when you come home next week?" Mom while shaking my head.

"Mom, I told you, I don't want to go home next week. As long as papa's heart transplant isn't done, I won't go home." I calmly told mama and then I turned to papa's behavior.

"Son, please. Haven't we already talked? Don't worry, even if you just stopped by in the Philippines, then come back here right away. You have to talk to Aius about your pregnancy, and then so that you can get along." si mama.

"But, Ma-"

"Shh .. for now, you must rest son. You're tired." Mama was immediately quick to say more.

I could do nothing but sigh and then close my eyes. But minutes had passed I still can't sleep, so I opened my eyes, and I was greeted with my mother's deep stare.

When my mother saw that I was looking at her, she immediately smiled sweetly at me.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

"Hmm ..." I replied while nodding. "Sleep with me, ma. I want to hug you while I'm sleeping, please?" like a child I said.

"Hmm ... my baby is softening mom, or is he okay." said mama, the next thing he did he lay down next to me and then hugged me tightly.

I hugged her, as tight as I can. I don't know why I am being like this, sobrang isip bata ko na ba? I don't know, as long as I just want to hug mama. I want to always see him and hug him for some reason that I don't know. I don't know, it's like I'll always lose him, e.

Less than ten minutes after I hugged mama, I immediately felt that I was being dragged by drowsiness, until I didn't realize that it had completely carried me away.

To be continued...