23

My back was against the door and I was about to have a heart attack. I was getting extremely dizzy from all this chaos, and then when Micah walked up to me from the kitchen and started talking, all I could hear was him underwater.

It all happened so fast and yet it felt like it was in slow motion.

He carefully pulled my hand away from the door and when Cody and not Kiyan stood in front of the door, I took a breath for the first time in what felt like minutes.

I sat down on the steps opposite the front door and grabbed my much too fast beating heart. Cody crouched in front of me, snapping his fingers several times, while Micah appeared in front of me with a glass of water. Did I really have a heart attack?

"Mia?" I heard Cody's voice, so close and at the same time sounding miles away.

"We should call your mother?" Micah said and immediately I grabbed his hand and shook my head in the negative. These few movements alone cost all my strength. My mother would definitely spank me if she could see me like that, I had to avoid that.

Then, when Cody nodded to Micah and he disappeared around the corner, I knew shaking my head hadn't achieved anything. I tried to get up in a panic, but immediately collapsed again. A condition that just scared me.

"Put your head between your legs," I heard Cody, leaning over to drop my head between my knees. "Now breathe deeply."

I did as he said and felt his hand in mine. With my eyes closed, I listened to my breathing, which became slower and slower and my heart then gradually calmed down again.

The gentle stroking of Cody's thumb over the back of my hand brought me the relaxation I sorely needed, and finally the sounds around me felt normal again. I was just infinitely grateful for that, because I had already feared that I would never be able to escape from this state.

The slow motion disappeared and I slowly raised my head again to look at Cody's worried face.

Micah then came back and sat behind me with his legs apart to pull my upper body towards him. I sat like that for a while between his legs and leaned my head on his chest while he placed his arms around me and his head on my shoulder.

"I'm here," he whispered in my ear, and I was so panicky about what had happened that I didn't even notice that there was a soft knock on the door. It wasn't until Kiyan suddenly stood in front of me with my mother that my heartbeat picked up again and without Micah's arms around me I would have fallen into this unbearable state again.

"What's the matter?" I heard my mother and looked at her for help. I didn't get along with her at all right now, but I've never been happier to have my mom with me. I didn't pay any attention to Kiyan. At that moment I didn't really care if he would catch Chloe. I probably had him and his kind to thank for my heart attack.

"We're going home," my mother took my hand and then thanked Micah for calling.

I was pulled by her to Thomas's car and she sat in the back seat with me while Kiyan sat in the front and started the engine. Terrified, I snuggled into my mother's shoulder, who kept stroking my hair. "We'll be home soon. Everything will be fine," she whispered soothingly, and I fell asleep looking in the rear-view mirror, the last to see Kiyan's eyes before everything went black.

When I eventually woke up in my bed, everything seemed normal again. It was already dark outside and I had to look at my cell phone to even be able to tell what time it was.

2 o'clock in the morning. How long had I slept please?

Still exhausted, I put my phone on the bedside table and ignored the hundred messages from Micah. I was too tired and just wanted to have a quick drink and go back to sleep.

I quietly opened my door and padded into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and hastily disappeared back into the room, but as soon as I wanted to close my door, I heard another one and then Kiyan in boxer shorts stood in front of me and looked towards me worried.

"Can we talk?" he whispered softly and took a few steps towards me. I just nodded and let him into my room, locking the door right behind him.

"How are you?" he asked first and didn't even give me time to sit down. I didn't answer him and calmly settled under my covers while he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Better," I croaked, taking a few sips of the soothing, cool water that was sore for my throat and me.

"What happened? You gave me a real scare," he then admitted, reaching for my hand, but I quickly pulled away, capping the bottle and setting it on my bedside table.

"I don't know," I said, taking a deep breath. I was glad it was so dark in my room. I didn't want to look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry," he said, then suddenly lowered his head.

"What exactly?" I asked in surprise and sat up a little further.

"That I mean you're like everyone else. I didn't mean to hurt you. I said I'm not good for you."

He didn't know about Chloe and I felt compelled to tell him. After all, he also had the respect to apologize to me, so I should prove to him that he could trust me, shouldn't I? After all, he probably blamed himself for my panic attack or whatever it was, but it wasn't his fault, it was her.

"Kiyan," I began, then waited for him to look at me again. "I saw something with Micah and it suddenly made me feel so bad that it all just happened."

He didn't say anything and kept looking at me while I knew I was probably going to break his heart.

I closed my eyes briefly, took a deep breath and took his hand in mine to somehow be there for him.

"Chloe was making out with someone else."