29

Drunk, I ran through the trees and could hardly see my hand in front of my face, but I suddenly felt Zayn's hand on my hip all the more clearly, which made me hold my breath in shock.

"Tell me, are you okay?!", I immediately turned to the big one, who stumbled over something at the moment and just fell on me like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh man Zayn!" I groaned in pain as he lay on top of me and I could feel his breath on my neck.

"Why are you just standing still?!", he hissed immediately annoyed and was about to get up when we were suddenly illuminated by a strangely bright light. I didn't recognize anything at all and had to blink to be able to see anything at all.

"So that's how it is," I then heard Juline's voice and wanted to get up quickly, but I forgot about Zayn in the panic and alcohol and slammed my forehead into his nose so hard that he rolled off to my side and covered his face with his hands, cursing held.

I ignored him and found my way shakily back to my feet and once I got used to the cell phone light I saw Micah and Juline ahead of me, both staring at me in horror.

"Are you serious, Mia?" asked Micah, who took a step towards me and just looked hurt. My heart was pounding and my eyes widened, totally overwhelmed.

How am I supposed to explain this in a plausible way?

"He tripped and just took me with him," I tried to explain, but Juline thought she had to intervene.

"Aha," she hissed, then looked at Zayn, who had stood up and still had one hand on his nose. "What were you planning to do here in the forest?"

"Who are you anyway?" Zayn asked her from above and it didn't take a second before Micah stood in front of him.

Spiderman!!! Pick me up!!!

"You're lucky I don't miss you! You must like dragging drunk girls into the woods!" Micah took a step towards Zayn, who just laughed and shook his head.

"She took me with her," he grinned at Micah and I knew it would escalate, but I was frozen.

"Oh, that's how it is. You knew I wanted his number and then you do something like that? What kind of girlfriend are you?" Juline looked at me with a look that was completely foreign to me. I had really never seen her like this and it made my chest ache.

"I'm not averse," Zayn grinned at her, but I hastily spoke up and wanted to clarify a few things here.

"It's okay for you to talk! Who made out with Kiyan in front of my eyes!" I raised my voice, crossing my arms angrily. I must have drunk my courage and didn't feel like being reproached like that any more. Especially not because this was all just a misunderstanding.

"What do you care if she made out with Kiyan?" Micah then asked and suddenly all eyes were on me and I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Because she's hooked up with him, Micah. Your sweater is hiding her hickey, which I thought she got from Kiyan, but now I'm not so sure," Juline replied, giving Zayn a disgusted look . "So don't pride yourself on her carrying your things anymore. She takes what she needs. Like mother, like daughter!"

Her words went through my marrow and leg, echoing pain-distorted again and again and I immediately felt the warmth on my cheeks from the tears they had triggered. Everything was spinning and I covered my mouth with one hand, startled and horrified, while my other was on my stomach.

She gave me one last scornful look, then turned and walked back toward the road.

"Are you coming, Micah?" I heard her voice from further away and I didn't even dare to look at Micah anymore. My gaze fell to the ground, just like my countless tears.

It wasn't until I heard footsteps receding on the forest floor that I knew he, too, had abandoned me. What had I done?

"You guys are great friends!" Zayn called after them and then put his arm around my back, which made me wince slightly. "It'll be fine. You little people just can't take alcohol."

He took me in his arms tight for a moment, patted my back and then quickly pulled away to take my hands and smile at me.

"Don't let that get to you. I wouldn't shed a tear over such idiots," he said, kind of infuriating me again.

Sobbing, I wiped the tears from my face and looked at him in the darkness. "These are my best friends," I tried to explain, but he immediately shook his head and put his hands on my shoulders.

"They're not. There's no such thing as best friends. Everyone uses everyone else, the sooner you realize that, the better for you!"

He looked at me for a moment, then took something out of his jacket and held out a cigarette, which I immediately accepted for reasons that weren't clear to me. He carefully switched on his lighter and I pulled on the filter so hard that I immediately had to cough loudly.

"You get used to that," he grinned and then lit one too. "Oh yeah, I'm sorry I touched you earlier. I can't see anything in this fucking forest."

I nodded to him and then dragged on the cigarette again. I didn't care at that moment anyway.

"Best I run ahead and you take these and calm down. If Kiyan is really here, which I doubt, then he'll kill me if I come out of the forest with his crying Bab...Mia."

He laughed and handed me a small bottle of Jagermeister he'd pulled from the inside of his jacket. It was kind of like a little kiosk, but I didn't think much about that either.

Like Mother like daughter ...

Over and over again this sentence rang through my mind and I was really grateful for the new alcohol in my hand, which hopefully would carry me far away.

I followed Zayn, drinking and finishing the disgusting cigarette, the taste of which I was sure was my first and last, and then a few minutes later we also arrived at the playground where, to my relief, Kiyan was really on the bench sat.

I nervously stood next to Zayn and just like him stared at the darkness where Kiyan was sitting on the bench. The moon gave at least some light here outside the trees and so I could immediately see that it was scrutinizing us briefly and then staring stubbornly ahead again.

"Talk to him," Zayn whispered, who at the same time took the Jägermeister out of my hand to take a strong sip.

"And what should I say?" I asked him skeptically, after all I was angry and hurt too, even if my heart had led me here against my will.

"I don't know, maybe you just tell yourself what you're feeling. Suppressed feelings are just as shitty for the psyche as this stuff here," he lifted the bottle briefly and then simply strolled along the edge of the playground with a view of Kiyan other direction to sit on the swing I had been on before.

My breathing quickened and I cautiously took one step at a time to get closer and closer to Kiyan, who just sat there in his dark jacket and seemed frozen. Still, he looked gorgeous...

The closer I got to him, the more thoughts shot through my head and a little fight ensued in me, which slowly and uncomfortably hit my stomach, because it doesn't get along well when the heart feels something that the mind talks you out of want. A whirlpool that can plunge you into chaos.

Because I was mad at him and yet I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I was disappointed and yet the sight of him made me weak again, like every time. I felt like I was being torn apart and I didn't even know why I felt that way or what exactly it was. I haven't known him long enough for love, or was it really love at first sight? Falling in love felt different, not as painful, but then what was it that made me see only him?

I stopped right in front of him, absorbed in my chaos, but he avoided my gaze and looked down, fiddling with a pack of cigarettes between his hands.

"May I have one?" I then asked quietly, trying to start a conversation. They said you get to know new people by smoking, maybe you could start a conversation that way, because I just didn't know how to deal with him.

He got up without looking at me, took out a cigarette and lit it, then handed it to me.

"This is the first and last thing I'm giving you," he said coolly, and I took it, trembling with nervousness, before tugging at it slightly and looking at him.

"Can we talk?" I said and I was still amazed at my courageous demeanor. When I was sober, I would never have thought of talking to him so casually after all the shit that had happened to us. I would probably be on the run again from everything and everyone.

He suddenly looked at me and held me in his cold gaze. Once again I felt the goosebumps on my arms, once again he left me speechless with his eyes alone and I felt as if the darkness around me had disappeared for a brief moment.

"Okay," he just said, putting his hands in his jacket pockets to continue punishing me with his eyes.

I took a deep breath, drew on that stinky poison one last time, and then just put it all on one card. Being drunk made you somehow uninhibited, which I had to experience firsthand. Besides, Zayn was right. How should this all continue if no one admits that they really think? I might have lost Micah because of that...

"I didn't like the game, mostly because I had to watch you do my best-"

I stopped myself and looked down briefly, holding back tears, which made him study me even more intensely as my bright eyes met his again. He started to say something, but I held up my hand and just continued.

"It hurt me that you kissed Juline. So painful that I still feel that pang in my chest. I know I hardly know you and I have no right to get upset about it, and yet the thought of someone else touching you robs me Or kiss, my air to breathe."

Our eyes kept locking on to each other while I immediately felt stupid for being so honest with him. He sure thought I was some clingy little girl who would run after him and put up with anything, but then he took his hand out of his jacket and held it out to me while the way he looked at me changed again.

I stared at his hand but felt like if I took it now I would give myself up completely, so I shifted my gaze from the hand to his face again and made no move to take it, no matter how much me my heart wanted to force it. I just wanted to know what he was thinking, how he was feeling, and what was his reason for hurting me like this.

"Listen Mia," he began quietly and hesitantly took his hand back. "Speaking of honesty, I didn't want to kiss her! I immediately regretted it, but I just couldn't handle the fact that someone like you was interested in me, you know that?"

No, I didn't get it and just kept looking at him confused, whereupon he got more nervous and ran both hands through his hair.

"You're so normal, you know. I-"

"And you are what? Unusual?" I interrupted him, but his gaze immediately turned cold again.

"Please don't interrupt me," he said, taking a step toward me so that I could almost feel the warmth of his charisma. "I've messed up a lot in my life and everything I start always ends in disaster. My parents left me too soon, my ex cheated on me all the time, and Thomas was just... he just never treated me with respect ". I never learned to trust and I was just afraid of being attracted to you even more, of losing myself in you. I'm still afraid of that because I have absolutely nothing to offer you. I thought when I saw this Juline kiss you lose interest in me and now i see you coming here with zayn and i keep wondering why are you doing that?"

His words hurt me, not because of me, but because of the realization that life was so unfair to him.

"I don't know," I then admitted with tears in my eyes that slowly found their way down my cheeks, which had become cold from the night. "I just wanted to be with you, whether you hurt me or not."

He didn't say anything more and I was beginning to realize that he was so scared of being hurt that he seemed to prefer to destroy things himself rather than have them painfully taken away from him. What had he been through? Sure, he was cold and hardly anyone really knew him, but there was no longer an unknown asshole in front of me. In front of me stood someone who trusted me, who made me feel good and with whom I felt closer than I had ever felt in my life.