59

I stayed up all night and couldn't sleep. There were many reasons for this. First, I tried in vain to remember my past. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember Ava. Not because I've ever been with her. Not because I was the one she first slept with. Not because I broke her heart and hurt her. And certainly not because I had seen her after my 18th birthday. I just have to remember. I just couldn't explain it to myself.

Ava slept peacefully in my arms. I knew it would all be over tomorrow. She would hate me again. She wouldn't give me a chance to explain in any way. So I enjoyed this night with her. I imagined my future with her. To hold her in my arms like this every day. I had to work really damn hard to make her forgive me because I didn't give up that easily.

As the first rays of the sun appeared, Ava began to move. The hours had passed far too quickly and now everyday life began again, in which my companion despised me. Maybe I was so lucky that she woke up now and forgave me. But I didn't believe in that. When Ava finally opened her fawn eyes, she looked at me in shock for a few seconds before pushing me away and walking away from me. She took the covers and tried to cover her bare legs. Her eyes glazed over and it was only a little before she started to cry.

"You've done it again. You took advantage of me again!" she whispered, her voice shaking. I reached for her hand, but she only increased the distance. I sighed in disappointment and said calmly, "Ava, I didn't take advantage of you. I would never do that. You were drinking heavily at the club and couldn't resist when that filthy bastard hit on you. I brought you here because I didn't want anything to happen."

She looked at me silently and I could hear her heart beating fast. Was she afraid of me? Didn't she believe me?

"Ava, I would never harm you."

"You've already done enough. I'll never forgive you for that." Hearing those words hurt.

"I know, but I want to make it up to you. Give me a chance!" I said pleadingly. God, when have I ever been this desperate?

"Why should I? I really don't want to see you anymore, Kian. You hurt and humiliated me. I wish I could forget it, but I can't. I'm not as lucky as you!" she said sarcastically. Believe me Ava, I wish I could remember that.

I looked deeply into her eyes, hurt. "Don't ruin your career just because I'm an idiot. Come back to the company. Do your training there. I'll promise you won't see me once." Which wouldn't stop me from watching you every free second.

"I can't be near you."

"Please, I promise you won't see me."

"No, I already have another job. So I don't need your promise."

"Where?" I asked curiously.

"Why should I tell you that?" she said cheekily.

"Because I'll find out one way or another."

"Then I wish you a lot of fun with it."

She got up from the bed and dropped the sheets. I had to smile automatically. My shirt looked pretty good on her. Because she was much smaller than me, it covered the essentials. I could get used to this sight. She looked around and then finally discovered my work. She turned to me, angry and upset. When she saw my mischievous grin, she only got angrier.

"What shoud that? Why did you tear my dress?" she asked hysterically.

I also got up from the bed and noticed with a smile that her gaze fell on my bare chest for a while before she looked me in the eyes again with red cheeks.

"Do you really think I'll let you wear that piece of rag again?"

"What do you care anyway?" she asked.

"I'm jealous. I don't want anyone but me to admire your body."

Ava now resembled a ripe tomato. She swallowed and looked down. She could well know what she was doing to me.

"Why now?" she asked shyly. With a few steps I reached her and put my hand on her cheek. She lifted her head and finally looked at me again.

"Because I know you're the one for me. I don't want anyone else."

"But I don't want you."

I looked at her speechless and didn't know what to say to that. It hurt to hear those words. It felt like someone was stabbing me right in the heart.

She looked at me and noticed that nothing came from my side.

"It's better if I go now."

"Would the thought of being with me be that bad for you?" I asked calmly.

"You don't even know me..." she says and gives me another dig.

"Ava, I'm sorry. Everything I've done. Give me a chance to right my mistakes."

She shook her head quickly.

"No! No! No, I don't want that. Listen, Kian. I can't give you a chance. I'm sorry. Really. But when I think about the past, the pain gets bigger. It took me so long to forget you. I just don't want you in my life anymore."

With these words she ran barefoot and dressed only in my shirt from the room. Unable to move, I just stared at the spot she had just stood on. She rejected me. She didn't want anything to do with me. My heart ached at these thoughts. If only I knew what exactly happened back then. I needed to remember my past and do it as quickly as possible. But how?

(...)

Seth burst into "my" room and yelled straight out, "Where the hell have you been? We've been looking for you both everywhere! Where the fuck did you take Ava and what did you do to her?"

I'd walked back into the Ryans' packhouse two minutes ago. It would have been disrespectful if I hadn't shown up more. Also, I wanted to know more about Riley. I needed to know what connection he had to my girl.

"Seth, I don't hold you accountable. If you were the greatest womanizer and you found your mate in my sister, I wouldn't have the right to interfere. I know you only want what's best for her Believe it or not doesn't matter but I need her near. I would never hurt her." Not anymore, I finished the sentence in my mind.

Seth sighed and sat on the floor, staring up like a small child.

"Riley is one of my best friends. I don't know how he's going to react."

"I'll deal with him. Once he knows Ava is my soul mate, he has no right to her."

"You're right, but she's human. The rules don't apply."

"For me it is!" I growled, taking a deep breath before losing my composure.

"How does Ava know Riley?" I finally asked, trying not to let my anger show.

"She was freshly moved at the time. She was in very bad shape. She had tried to take her own life. I don't know if I should tell you that. Anyway, Riley saw her the first time in the hospital. He was just in traveling around this town and found a girl lying half dead on the street. She was probably mugged and..." He left the sentence open.

"Anyway, Riley found the injured girl in the woods while he was roaming the woods. He took her to the hospital and saw Ava there. He had helped her out of the hole she had fallen into. It had been months before "She was able to eat normally again. I don't know why she was like this, but it was because of that boy. I could wring his neck. Although I hadn't spoken to Ava very often, she's a wonderful person."

"Seth...I have something to confess to you!" I suddenly started. I kind of liked Seth. So I decided to tell him the truth. I had to tell someone and I trusted him.

"I'm that boy. I hurt her in the past. But I just can't remember. I'm trying but I can't. I don't know why. I want to make things right. I want her to forgive me . But how? I broke her heart at the time and hurt her so badly that she still thinks about it years later."

"You're that bastard?!" an angry voice yelled. I hadn't noticed that someone had come through the door and was now staring at me with a death stare.