25

My mind is racing when I arrive at the agency the next morning with a slight hangover.

I had to spend the rest of the evening greeting various people at Nate's side, conversing with strangers and, of course, wearing my courtship grin.

It wasn't really bad per se, but the distance between me and my lover was so exhausting and painful. He kept wrapping his arm around my waist and even though I pushed him off before, it was a blessing to feel his hands on my body. I want to sense and feel him and have him with me, but this breach of trust is far too deep. I could never forgive him for not telling me about Claire's pregnancy or the fact that two months ago they were still in regular contact.

It's agony for both of us, but since I have little willpower with Nate anyway, I have to persevere. He has to realize that he can treat me as he pleases in bed, but as soon as we stop having sex, different music plays.

I can hardly concentrate in the office, I'm starting the current drawing for the fourth time and when Mrs Vance also gets out of the elevator, I seem completely lost.

Sighing but still smiling, I get up and offer my hand to the beautiful woman.

"How are you, Sophia?" she asks, looking at me softly.

I would love to start crying and howl until there are no more tears, but I can't and won't do that. Not in front of Mrs. Vance, who seems just looking for a reason to end her son's relationship with me.

"I've had better days. How about you?" I reply, staring at the cup in front of me as if it could provide all the solutions to my problems.

"The news of Claire's pregnancy hit you hard, didn't it?"

My heart is clenching in a disgusting way. I can hardly breathe because it's like someone is tying my throat with a steel chain.

"It was unexpected," I murmur on the verge of a complete breakdown.

"I hate to say it, but I'm fairly certain this child is notfrom Nathaniel," says Mrs. Vance, brushing a strand of blond hair from her face.

"That's not the problem. You know, he said he hadn't seen her in six months and then I found out from the press that he took his ex-wife to the gynecologist. If he had told me the truth, then i would probably be with him right now looking for a way that would make us both happy but here i am on the verge of a complete breakdown with heartache and broken pride hoping he would tell me the truth and fight for us more and more hope runs through him and even if I seem madly in love with him, I can't bear to be treated like that by him." I explain to the goddess of fashion, playing with my fingernails while the first tear is already falling down my cheek rolls down.

My chest is so tight that even a piece of paper can't seem to fit between my lungs and my heart.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this. You want us to break up anyway. Then I guess I'll make you happy by telling you I'll leave town if he keeps lying to me and then she will Vance family will never have anything to do with me again." I mumble thoughtfully but still relatively confidently.

I wonder if Nate is in the same catastrophic state as I am? Maybe he's with Claire and they're going through ideas for names, or they're probably having Claire's things carried to Nate's apartment again.

I let out a sob at the thought and frantically wiped the tears from my face.

I'm sick with jealousy and afraid of losing. This secrecy will either kill me or destroy us completely and since I really don't want that, he has to either be honest or forget me. But then he has to let me go, too." I sob exhaustedly, trying to come across as somehow confident, but the tears make it impossible for me to do so.

Mrs Vance's gaze is soft and caring. You can just feel her maternal streak and I would like to hug her, but I can just hold myself back.

"You are such a good person, Sophia. I hope you can work this out with him and if you don't, remember that it all ends eventually. You are a lot stronger than me and your ignorance shapes it. Take care, dear." She just replies before silently leaving my office.

I let the milk disks slide down my walls and once they're halfway down I start crying just to get at least some release.

Totally broken and teary-eyed, I leave the agency shortly after six o'clock.

I couldn't stop crying all day and now I've got a headache, which fits perfectly with my happiness.

Insomnia, heartbreak and lack of energy make me totally weak, but I just have no idea how to get over it.

I'm just glad that it's finally the weekend and the only thing I plan to do is watch the new season of "The Walking Dead" and not get out of the room for the whole two days.

When the elevator stops in the lobby, I can already see Nate's matt black Audi Q7 through the glass doors, and the sight of it really sends a shiver through my body.

For some reason, I have a firm belief that I'm not going to get through this conversation right now.

I'll either have a tantrum or a crying fit and I just hope neither happens.

John's blue eyes look at me worried but stern and I can see from his facial expression that he didn't know Nate was showing up either.

So I take a deep breath and thank the doorman before I walk up to the huge car and open the door.

Nate's male scent hits me like a mighty wave and the attraction wraps itself around my body like a thong and literally pulls me in his direction.

My heart starts racing and I can hardly breathe because my chest suddenly seems to be very tight. With a throat drier than the desert and blood rushing in my ears so loud that I can hardly hear anything, I get into the car and at the same moment its driver gets out of the vehicle.

I sit down in silence, not looking in his direction, but when I see his hand on the seat I swallow hard.

I missed being touched and fucked by him so much.

But I also miss his closeness and his presence; the safe feeling when he holds me in his arms.

"Thanks for getting in," he begins, and of course his voice is hoarse with excitement and he seems hoarse.

"And thank you for still not sending John away," he adds and I see his fists clench.

"May I kiss you, Sophia? I beg you, just a kiss." Nate whispers and pierces his green crystals through my head.

"Until I know who you are and if this child is yours, I won't look at you or kiss you." I hiss, trying not to show how much I want him.

Once I look into his eyes, I'll get weak again and I just don't want that this time. I've let him wrap me around his finger so many times, but not this time.

"Oh god, Sophia, don't do that..." he whispers and suddenly his hot breath is way too close to my ear.

The goosebumps run down my body like an ice-cold line and I literally shudder.

"All I'm doing is keeping my pride Nate. You're doing this to us. You're doing this to yourself and more importantly to me. I just can't stop imagining you sitting there at the gynecologist and with - Claire, the heartbeat of a growing baby. It hurts so much and makes me so tired. I thought things were going to be alright but not even after a week of being back together everything seems to be going wrong. I'm tired of it and when If this continues, I'll be out of New York before you can worry about another lie." I hiss at him, trying to hold back tears and it works better than I thought.

Looking into his eyes is much too difficult for me, which is why I just get stuck on his lips.

Those beautifully curved, full lips that gave me such wonderful moments..

"I'm sorry, Sophia. I just thought it would be better to lie to you.", "If I had lied to you about Coen, wouldn't you be angry or even disappointed? I could have told you that he didn't mean me It was someone else who took the innocence. I've always been honest with you up until now and actually I really thought that you only spoke true words, but that wasn't the case and now the damage is already done."

I watch as his features harden and sickly angry jealousy fills his green crystals. He breathes fire and is probably ready to fight, but this time I won't let it get me down.

"Don't put that son of a bitch's name in your mouth while you're with me," he commands sternly, literally spitting it out like it's poison on his tongue.

"As long as you're involved with your ex wife , I won't stop associating with him," I say defiantly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You won't hit him, Sophia, don't play with my patience." Nate hisses now, looking directly at my breasts, which are threatening to fall out due to my position.

The desire added to the turn-on jealousy causes an intense tug on my sex. My stomach is clenching while my breasts are getting heavier and the nipples are betraying me and my arousal.

"You can treat me how you want in bed, but as long as I don't know every secret of you and really know who you are, I'll do whatever I want with whoever I want." I moan in his direction and as if by reflex, my eyes slide to the bulge in his pants.

The moan that escapes you from my throat is totally unexpected and so fast that I can't suppress it.

"You belong to Me."

Nate's eyes light up with excitement.

"And you me. I want to be the only one in your life, your bed and your heart. Show me that you want it too.", I reply and slowly pull the straps of my top down so far that after a short time you can can see my nipples that have become tiny buds.

My mouth dry, I watch as Nate puts his hand on his cock and adjusts his pants before running his left hand over my nipple, sending goosebumps all over my body and making me shiver.

He moans loudly and bites his bottom lip, which makes me even more willing.

"I want to fuck you.", "And I want to be fucked by you. But I also want to be everything you want and need. You are my world and I want to be yours, but I can't deal with all these lies. Me I feel like we barely communicate. It's all about sex and I told you I don't want to be an object of your lust. I love you Nate. Take care," I say after already taking my pot back pulled up.

Nate's green crystals pierce my eyes and I can hardly breathe. The need to touch him and give myself completely to him makes me so weak and yet I've said all these things.

"I'll fight for us, Sophia. You're everything to me and I'll show you that. Just please - don't give up on me or rather on us yet. I beg you." fingertips across my cheek.

"It's up to you and your actions."

I kiss his hand and look into his eyes again before I get out of the car and drive home with John.

I can be a bit harsh and I have no idea who exactly I'm punishing but we need it. Everything seems to be moving so quickly and I'm overwhelmed with the whole situation. I really hope Nate pulls this together and fights for us because I just need him.