END OF VOLUME 1

A lot of time has passed and yet the pain has not diminished.

I've hoped for so long that it will end someday and that I can live my life, but that wasn't the case.

Nate and I have been separated for a few months now and it's not the physical distance that's destroying me, it's the mental one.

Every time he picks Harry up, it feels like he takes a piece of my heart with him.

We only talk now and then, don't even look into each other's eyes and only communicate when it comes to organizational matters.

The house is already finished and Nate has been living alone in our dream for almost a month. Of course he offered me to move in with Harry, but I said no because it's just too hard for me to be around him.

My husband has tried to talk to me many times, to explain, to apologize, but the damage has already been done and I've been feeling that way for weeks.

Of course I crave him and his closeness and dammit I found an old shirt of his and I smell it every time I'm down because it carries Nate's uniquely masculine scent. I'm a wreck without him and he looks just as worn and exhausted as I feel but we need that distance.

The pregnancy is going relatively well and even though number 2 will be just as small as his brother, it's absolutely fine.

It's a little more tiring than the first time, but I'll put up with that because I'll end up holding my little son and if his smell fills my nostrils, nothing else matters.

The fact that I'm going through my second pregnancy without Nate around is breaking me, but I've accepted my fate now.

The main thing is that my boys are doing well, that's all I want.

Harry misses his dad a lot and while I don't want to take his father away from him, I just can't bring myself to forgive him.

I am now in the seventh month and I just hope that I will still find the strength to forgive the father of my children before the birth, but the fear that things will never be the same again is driving me crazy.

I pray to God every day that everything will be fine and that one day I can have my happy little family again. Everything will be fine again, as long as I believe it will work out, just like last time.

My son's heart murmurs soothe me to the core and I enjoy the sound echoing in my head.

Fascinated and overjoyed, I watch the little human in my stomach and feel his light steps that send goosebumps all over my body.

"Everything looks fine, Mrs. Vance-Hamilton. The little one is doing great, the only thing I don't like is your weight. You've lost weight again and I don't approve of that," my gynecologist sighs, looking at me with her blue eyes.

I run my fingers through my hair after wiping the gel off my stomach.

"I don't know how much more to eat, Dr Stevens," I reply, slightly annoyed.

"Apparently even more so. Mrs. Vance-Hamilton, I just want you to not suffer from any more weight loss after giving birth. I'm going to give you a cookbook of recipes. Trust me, if you gain weight during pregnancy, recovery time will increase All the more pleasant after the birth. Would you do me the favor of eating at least one dish from this book every day?" she asks, smiling, and of course I nod.

She's absolutely right. If I don't want to face my sons like a skeleton after they are born, then I simply have to eat more and I know that, but it's difficult for me.

I accept the ultrasound images and smile and thank my doctor before grabbing my bag and leaving the room.

"Is everything alright?" asks John smiling and takes my bag from my hand.

"He's great. Let's go to Nate's, I want to pick up my prince." I sigh and get into the Bentley before taking my hat off.

Harry's first birthday was absolutely beautiful, although it was very difficult for me to be so close to him just two weeks after Nate's breakup. My little angel was happy and I would suffer death for his smile.

It's the first time in five months that I've allowed Nathaniel to have Harry with me overnight and I can't begin to explain how much I miss my child.

As I stand in front of my dream house, I have to hold back my tears because the more I think about the fact that I should actually live there, my chest swells a little more.

As the door opens I see a half-naked Nathaniel and it is a delicious sight that has the effect of an aphrodisiac on my sensitive hormones.

His green crystals glide hungrily over my body and I smile slightly as I watch him swallow.

"You look beautiful." Nate says, looking into my eyes.

"Thanks," I reply, feeling my crotch tighten.

"Where's Harry?" I ask calmly, entering the house.

The beautiful hallway is just how I always wanted it to be and it's killing me that my husband lives here all by himself. He must be feeling lonely and alone with this big house.

"He's been asleep for almost an hour. I didn't want to wake him up, but I can bring him over later if you want," he replies, not daring to look into my eyes.

"You don't have to. I'll just wait here if that's okay."

"This house is our dream, Sophia. Of course you can be here."

His voice is hoarse and I can see how much he has to hold back, which I can understand far too well.

I look down, sigh, brush my hair out of my face and then enter the living room.

"Would you like something to drink?", "I'm kinda very hungry. Could we maybe eat something?" I ask and look at him.

"Of course. I'll make you something and then-" "Let's make something out of this book," I suggest, taking Dr Stevens' cookbook out of my bag.

I see the ultrasounds and sigh before handing them to him.

"His heartbeats are strong and he is very strong himself," I tell my husband, watching his eyes fill with tears and it destroys me.

"Please don't cry." I swallow hard and without thinking I stroke his cheek.

"It's just really hard for me," Nate sobs, and again it amazes me how someone as powerful, influential, and dominating as he is can suddenly feel so powerless and exhausted.

"You lost weight, is that why you got this cookbook?" he asks, wiping the tears from his face.

He nestles into my touch and I nod with a sigh.

"I'm just not hungry," I murmur before I get up with his help.

"May I - oh, forget it." He mumbles and wants to turn away, but I grab his hand as if I know exactly what he wants to do.

I put her on my stomach and wake up my little boy, who immediately starts kicking.

"He's really strong." Nate smiles proudly and looks into my eyes, showing me how much he's suffering, which makes me look away sadly.

"His room is ready, would you like to see it?" He asks, clearly nervous, and I look at him in surprise.

"You have-", "Sophia, even if you hate me, my children will be with me. We will have separate rooms and will hardly see each other, but my sons will always be very close to me.", says Nate and his voice does not tolerate arguments.

"I don't hate you, Nathaniel. I'm just hurt," I reply, swallowing, tears rolling down my cheeks without realizing it.

"But that's how it feels.", "Not a day goes by that I don't try to forgive you but it's so hard for me. Your kisses are so precious to me and you just gave one away, I have no idea How am I supposed to deal with that?" I breathe and look down.

The grip around my neck is far too unexpected and as he brushes his full lips lightly over mine, I shiver.

Nate takes hold of my mouth and it's like the first time. My heart starts racing and I can hardly breathe, my pulse is racing so badly. It tastes so delicious and I would do anything to taste it for the rest of my life. He keeps separating and joining our lips, nibbling here and biting there, driving me insane. His tongue slides over mine and he starts sucking with relish.

His moans are deep and erotic, reverberating throughout my body and I'm enjoying it way too much.

Nate starts rubbing against my leg, pressing his large, rock-hard erection against my thigh. I can feel his cock throbbing even through his boxers and it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

My nails slide down his bare back, leaving their mark on his skin and I take in every curve of his muscles deeply.

Nate's hand travels to my chest and as he begins massaging it I whimper because it feels so good.

Almost brutally, Nate rips my coat off and then lifts my dress up to touch my bare skin.

My whole body is on fire and Nate's hot appearance doesn't help a bit.

He rubs himself harder and harder and while I can't hold back my moan, I feel him tense and then the warm liquid of his orgasm trickle down my skin.

Nate moans and gasps into my mouth as he slides his hand between my legs, dexterously fingering me as well.

"You're the only one who can get me hard with just a touch and a passionate kiss, Sophia. I'm sorry I made you think it was different and I'd like to kill myself over it but I do I want you to know that it is as I said. You are the embodiment of my pure lust and you always will be." He whispers to me and gently rubs himself again.

"Did you kiss her like that?" I ask, gulping, nudging his and running my fingers through his blond hair.

"Sophia..." he growls, biting my lower lip and silencing me.

Of course, as of yet, nothing is settled and many things are still open, such as whether I'll move into this house or put my wedding ring back on, but right now I just want to enjoy the good time without worrying about anything else to think.

The sight of my husband smilingly handing my son a juice warms my heart deep in my chest.

I seem to have missed seeing this picture more than I thought and am enjoying it all the more.

My hand wanders in a regular motion over my stomach.

I feel Nate's eyes on me and smile widely as he walks up to me and kisses my forehead.

"Thank you, Sophia. For everything. I love you so much and I promise you that will never change." He whispers in my ear and wraps his strong arms around my body.

The warmth and the strong pounding of his heart in my ear gives me goosebumps and brings calm back to my body.

After talking about everything for far too long, I've finally been talked into moving back in with him after almost six months and the happiest of us is Harry.

Every morning he wakes us up, kisses me and then fights with his father, smiling and giggling so loud I can still hear that beautiful laughter ringing in my head hours later.

Some might think I'm naive and stupid for going back to him, but I think almost any woman in my situation would have done the same and I'm not a bit ashamed of it. I love Nate and I know he loves me too, which is the main reason I'm back with him. But also, of course, because he is the father of my children.

I just hope that it really only goes well and if not, then not. The stars already have it all on paper and if our love story leads to death then so be it.

You just learn over time that everything comes with time and you have to trust fate. It's a long and hard road, but once you're at the end, everything just goes smoothly.

I know it won't always be easy in the future either, and for God's sake, I'm more than aware that we're going to fight a lot, but as long as our kids are fine and happy, the world can end and it would not interest us.

END