38

"Have you cheated on me, Nathaniel?" I ask him, the words feeling like a heavy, totally disgusting load on my tongue.

Deep down I still have hope that it's not what I think it is after all, but every second I start to have more and more doubts.

The pain that fills my body is totally intense and seems to pierce every pore.

"What have you done, Nathaniel?!" I yell, wincing at Harry's sobs.

When my son's father starts to pick him up, I push him off me, point my finger, and look at him and tell me everything he needs to know.

"It's fine, my heart, I'm sorry," I whisper in his ear, kissing his cheek and rubbing his back to soothe him.

I leave the room and hand my son to my father before going back inside.

The pain in my chest is getting worse and if he doesn't speak right away I'm going to cut his throat first and then myself.

"I didn't sleep with her," he says so quietly that I have a hard time understanding him.

"Then what did you do? Fingered her? Licked her? Fucked her ass?! Speak up, Nathaniel!" I shriek.

The feeling of betrayal is so damn disgusting and I can hardly breathe because my pride seems so broken.

"I kissed her, that's really all there was!" he shouts angrily and looks into my eyes.

"Why didn't you fuck her right away? Apparently I'm not good enough, so you could have taken her right away. I'm sorry, but if the sex we're having isn't enough for you, then you really should go to the clinic, because that's sick." I snarl, spitting out the words like they're just dirt on my tongue.

"I was drunk, Sophia," sighs my husband, but doesn't believe the excuse himself.

"I just don't get it. If I'm not enough for you, why did you marry me? Why did you get me pregnant again and for fucks sake, why did you cum inside me every fucking time?! Did you think of her while you kissed me? Does that turn you on Nate?" I yell at him, clawing my hands together not to attack him.

"God, Sophia, don't do that. You know that you are the embodiment of my lust and the sole reason for my orgasms. I married you because I love you more than my entire life and I have cummed inside you every time, because it feels so nice. I'm sorry, my heart..", he whispers and I want to tear my hair out.

"You wouldn't have done it if you were sorry! How could you Nate?! Did that kiss make you think of me? My heart is bleeding and it's because you rammed that knife into my back again. How many times do I have to go through this? I'm exhausted and now I'm doubting your love again. If only I hadn't married you.." I sob and sit down on the bed.

I don't want to cry, but I'm pregnant and totally broken, also deeply disappointed and hurt, so there's just no support anymore.

"Don't say that, my heart, please. You know that the wedding was the best thing that could have happened to both of us. I beg you, don't give up on us," he says, and as he kneels in front of me, I see me, just as his cheeks are full of tears.

"Harrison is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Damn, a week ago you were fucking me straight and now you're telling me you had your tongue down some fucking whore's throat. I don't even dare to look at men because I love and respect you so much as you once again do what your species does best."

My voice sounds just as pathetic and whiny as I feel and I don't give a damn. I want him to see that he broke me.

"I'm sorry, Sophia. I don't know what got into me," he sobs, trying to reach for my hand, but the feeling of revulsion is already in my whole body.

"If you touch me, I'll get a divorce." I hiss at him.

My husband immediately withdraws his hand and looks at me swallowing. The regret in its green crystals is clear and beautiful to see, but the wound is too deep this time. Way too deep.

"It hurts so much," I sob, burying my face in my hands.

My eyes are already burning and I don't want to know how ridiculous I look.

"I'm so sorry, Sophia." Nate whispers, playing with his wedding ring and giving me a sad look.

"Why are you doing this? Do I really deserve to suffer like this? If you hate me so much, why-" "I love you, Sophia. You're the center of my world and you're the only reason I'm still alive .You know what you are to me," he quickly interrupts.

"Did you like it?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"I barely noticed, and before she could undress me, I stopped," he replies, and images of my husband and a faceless blonde immediately flash before my eyes. Naked and sweaty, moaning and full of passion he fucks her and I know that I will never forget these pictures.

"Did she touch your cock?" I continue, swallowing hard and trying hard not to collapse.

With his nod, my heart tightens and something inside me dies.

"Oh god..." I sob and push him away, can't believe what is happening.

"Where does this whore live?" I ask, looking into his eyes.

"Soph-", "Where does she live?!" I scream and before I can do anything about it, I grab the vase and throw it against the wall.

"Get out!" I yell and another vase flies around.

"My heart..." "And take that fucking wedding ring with you! You disgusting motherfucker, if I had known what an asshole you are I would never have married you! Get out before I cut your cock off!" I yell at him, feel my voice falter more and more and the gagging reflex becomes more and more intense.

I pull the ring that bears his name on it, which seemed more valuable than my life, from my finger before throwing the small piece in his face and then yanking open the door.

"Fuck off.", I hiss at him and shove his big body through the door, the smell of which still has a foggy effect on me despite the pain.

"Soph-", "She said you should go away." My father hisses and grabs my husband's arm.

"I'm sorry!" he yells, but I can only hear him muffled as Carol's motherly smell comforts me a little as I bury my face in the hollow of her throat and the sobs pitifully intensify.

"I need Roven.." I whisper softly as nothing but silence fills the huge living room.

My pride has been hurt and my heart is broken, for which no one but Roven can comfort me.

"I'll call him," my father replies, wrapping his arms around my body, which at least calms me down a bit.

He blows a kiss on my forehead and pulls away from me before I head towards the office where my young son is sleeping peacefully on the couch and as I lay down next to him I get goosebumps all over my body. With his wonderful smell in my nose, his little hand cupping my finger and his sugary face tucked into my chest, I eventually fall asleep too, simply because the pain is already starting to numb.

I will not divorce Nathaniel but it will be a long time before I can trust him again and I am afraid that we will not pass this test, but it is all up to fate.

Nate's point of view

Furious and full of remorse, I bang on the door with my fist, trying desperately not to kick it in.

"Open this door immediately!" I yell for the fifth time, and can hardly contain myself.

Sophia's wedding ring burns my skin like acid and I can't believe she actually gave it back to me.

But no matter what she says or does, I deserve everything. While she barely hangs out with men because she doesn't want to test my sick jealousy, all I do is cheat on her.

I feel like slitting my throat just because the emotion in her brown doe eyes has torn me to the core.

She looked so desperate and disappointed, sad and hurt and I am the reason for her pain.

God, what kind of person am I?

"Olivia, open that damn door!" I yell again and finally it happens.

"Nate was-", "Shut up and listen to me. You're the reason my pregnant wife left me. I want to kill you, but jail is the last thing I need right now. How could I getting involved with such a cheap whore like you?! I hope one day what you did to me will happen to you." I hiss at her, unable to bear the sight of her, which is why I stare sternly into her light blue eyes.

"It still takes two people to make out, dear Nate!" she hisses, running hands through her blond hair.

"I was fucking drunk. You should have taken me to the hotel and not raped me! You know I'm married, well, then you don't care about Sophia, but fuck, I have a kid!" I scream, can Don't pull myself together anymore because the pain is too strong.

"Well, then you shouldn't have overdone the alcohol, my dear.", she replies provocatively and damn it, I'm about to break her neck.

"You've been fired without notice. I don't want to see you anymore. If you don't want your father to end up in jail and your mother to go broke, then you will leave New York and preferably this week, do you understand me?"

My voice doesn't tolerate contradiction and it knows as well as I do that I mean every word.

"You sick psychopath. I won't be here anymore, but that won't bring your wife back either.", she says and gives me a challenging look.

"She loves me and she'll take me back and if it's the last thing I do. You're gone this week, if I see you here next Monday I'll destroy you and your fucking family. Pathetic cheap scum," hissed I disgusted and then leave the apartment.

When I get into the car, John looks at me with concern and I can hardly pull myself together again.

"It's ruined John, this time she won't forgive me." I sob, reaching for the whiskey bottle in the mini fridge.

"She needs time, Nate.", he replies and then I drown my pain in alcohol.

I wish I could be as optimistic as my driver, but he didn't see the pain in her eyes and the way she looked at me when she threw the ring in my face.

I would like to kill myself, but I have a son and a love to fight for.

Sophia's point of view

"I'm here, Bambi." My brother's voice wakes me up and I sleepily look into his eyes.

My throat is sore and dry, my eyes are probably all swollen and red, while my stomach feels like I've been eating for hours.

The sun is just beginning to rise and when I look next to me, I see my son's brown eyes twinkling innocently.

"It hurts so much..." I sob and hug my brother, trying not to cry too loud.

"I'm going to smash that bastard's skull in," Roven growls, stroking my back in a steady motion.

"He's the father of my children, don't do it," I breathe, realizing what I said too late.

"You're pregnant by that motherfucker again?!" my brother shouts in surprise and lets go of me.

His hair is much longer and his beard has grown too, he looks a lot more grown up and I enjoy looking at him. The fact that he flew in from Berlin just to comfort me brings love to my aching chest.

Crying, I watch as he picks Harry up in his arms, kisses my son on the cheek, and then leaves the room.

A few seconds later he is standing in front of me again with his two meters, looks me sternly in the eyes and the tears flow down my cheeks again.

"How could you let him get you pregnant again, Sophia?!" He calls and runs his hands through his hair.

"He's my husband, Roven," I say, confused and not knowing what else I can add to my defense.

"Stop crying." my brother sighs and sits next to me.

"What did he do?" he asks softly, stroking my hair and tying it in a bun at the end.

He gets up again and hands me a sweater before turning around so I can change.

"He kissed another one..." I sob, burying my face in the hollow of his neck.

My brother's smell is so familiar and it feels like I've come home, but there's still something missing in my chest.

"Be glad Harry exists and you're pregnant or I would have killed him," he growls.

"What should I do, Roven? I can't divorce him. Harrison and the baby deserve to be raised with a father," I whisper, playing with his bracelets.

"You won't do anything for now, Sophia. He needs to regain your trust. I beg you, my little angel, don't jump into his arms again after the first bouquet. I know you love him and fuck me hate that fact, but even though he's the father of your kids, you have to hold on to your pride. You have me, Flora, Dad and Harry, you don't just need him." Roven sighs, kissing the top of my head and then looking into me the eyes.

"I won't," I reply, gulping and wiping the tears from my face.

"Promise me," he demands sternly.

"Promised."

And with this promise, a lot was to change.