Chapter 60

I don’t know what I was expecting but it surely wasn’t this, I at least thought I would get some sense of solidarity, I hung my head feeling like I was not good enough and the look on her face said I never will be, it must be my background, I wasn’t raised in high society, I definitely don’t have the poise and decorum that I have seen displayed by the powers that be, but I at least thought that being Aidens mate gave me a bit of curtesy or at least bought me some time to adjust “you look worried” she said looking at me curiously, I nodded and tried to hold back the tears “don’t be, god knows I wasn’t” my eyes shot up at her “Nathans mother hatted me, I mean that woman did her best to make my life miserable” she chuckled and rubbed my cheek “you are so young” her words draw a more distinct picture of her, I saw the wrinkles and the dark circles under her eyes, I gasped silently seeing the breathing tube in her nose tapped to her cheek, I was so entrenched in my own agony that I failed to see what was right in front of me, my mind immediately went to Aiden and my heart sank thinking of what he must be going through. “I remember being young, oh how time flies” she chuckled softly I could tell she was holding her laugh back to stop from coughing, she laid back down and I helped her cover herself with the banket, my head was ringing, and I couldn't find my voice.

“He will forget you” she said with her eyes closed “the Pack demands all his time, all his attention and it’s so easy to get caught up in it, all of it”

“How did you do it” I asked with a barely audible voice

“Do what dear?”

“Pretend to be the happy Luna who has everything under control?” I shook my head the doom and gloom making me hang my head staring at the ring I played with taking it off and putting it back on my finger over and over

“I got pregnant, I followed every rule, opened every ceremony I needed to open, closed every ceremony I needed to close, I smiled when I needed to, was smart when I needed to be and oblivious when I needed to be, I kept myself busy knowing that his ambition would be his first love” she opened her eyes and looked up at me, tears now streaming steadily down my face, everything I had feared was now confirmed a reality “like I said I was not ready and neither are you, but I made myself adapt and learn and somehow found my little piece of haven and so can you” I looked at her laying on her death bed not having lived, he whole life she spent waiting and somehow she convinced herself that she was content

“I don’t think I can do that; I can’t be a puppet on a string just going along with whatever the Alpha wants, there has to be more than that, my life has to make more of an impact than just being his Luna!” I took a deep breath calming myself after hearing my voice echo in the big high ceiling open room “no offence but I can’t roll over like that” her reaction was better than I had imagined, I honestly thought she would have kicked me out by now, but instead she took my hand and smiled up at me, making me feel like I was six years old and had just scraped my knee and she was comforting me. “I’m sorry” I said reflexively

“No need to be sorry Scarlett, I felt the same way when I was first matted, and after all these years as Luna I only have one piece of advice for you, but before I give you that advice, answer me this, do you know what a mother is?” she said shrugging her shoulders and looking into my eyes,

“I…well…a mother is someone who takes care of you”

“Yes, precisely” she snaped her fingers in agreement and continued “she does take care of you, but she is much more than that, a mother is someone who loves us so much, that we fail to understand it sometimes, she is the one who constantly makes us realize that we are very good people inside and out. That there is no one better than us, she is the one who smiles when we are happy and cries when we cry, she is someone we cannot live without, a mother means everything to us” she paused and looked up at me, she took and squeezed my hand and continued “as Luna you will be like a mother to the Pack, tell me does your mother agonise over your safety?”

“Yes”

“Does she agonise over whether she is a good mother or not?”

“Yes, constantly” I replied with a chuckle.

“With all her agonising and warrying, do you love here less?”

“No” I shook my head

“Do you love her more?” This one I had to think about

“Maybe, I’m not sure” I replied taking a deep breath.

“Does it make you appreciate her even more?”

“Yes most defiantly” I said with a small smile thinking of my mother and realising how much I love her.

“The pack doesn’t need someone perfect, it needs someone who cares, and from what I have seen you will do great, don’t worry about Aiden, these things have a way of sorting themselves out but if you feel that strongly about it you need to talk to him and remember a Luna needs to be tactful when she addresses sensitive matters” she held my hands in hers “and remember you must always be brave” she said with a wink, and we both laughed, I felt myself relaxing, she makes it look so easy, I thought to myself, it comes so naturally to her, her grace and poise, those thoughts raced in and out of my head as the Luna and I talked well into the night.

“I thought she would never let you go” Aiden said sitting on the carpet and leaning against the wall as I walked out and closed the door behind me, he looked exhausted

“How long have you been waiting here?” I asked helping him up

“An eternity” I chuckled as he kissed me on the cheek “that’s it no more visits with my mother for you” he took my hand and lead me down the hall

“Where are you taking me?” the whimsy radiating in my voice

“My dad liked you a lot”

“Oh really?”

“Yep he said he found you charming”

“But we barely spoke” I looked at him quizzically and he shrugged in response

“And it looks like you and mom got along as well”

“Yes we did, she is amazing” he just smiled and looked at the ground while we walked “you still haven’t answered me, where are we going?”

“Well, you did such an amazing job today and I thought you needed to be rewarded” he winked and spanked me on my bottom

“Aiden, no” I whispered looking around making sure that no one saw

“That’s not the word I want to hear tonight” I giggled knowing what he had in mind brought a sudden spring in my step and my mouth watered in anticipation.