Hidden lust

Yvette opened her mouth and closed it back again in amazement. She tried to kick down the insane stilettos as they started to weigh a bit too much on her feet, but she remembered that they won’t just drop that easily, so she sat up instead cross legged - it was quite a feat, circling her legs around without kicking her laptop down from the bed and not sticking the heels into the silky sheets, and then crossing her legs without puncturing any arteries, but she managed; perks of the - somewhat - regular yoga sessions. She rearranged the disheveled, light purple silk bra. Now, she thought, what exactly this smug Egyptian thinks he is talking about? Hidden lust? Yvette wondered if he picked up that she hasn’t been laid lately. True, the absence of Jay has taken its toll, since they were together on a daily basis before he left, not counting the few day breaks when one of them got angry with the other, but these intermissions have always been resolved with even more passionate sex. So, in a way, she was in need. She never had a problem with that, she never had sex for only sex’s sake when she was not together with someone. She was able to take good care of herself when she needed that extra care only erotic pleasures could give, and she never thought of it as something central in her life, weeks could easily pass without any of that. Though, Grace is often messing with her mind, saying something similar. Mentioning her “sexual radiations” that are waiting to “explode” and things like that, mostly when she was high or she did overshoot her red wine dosage with a glass or three. But it was just the way Gracie is, always ready for a little fun, and taking full advantage of the male attention she receives. This opinion of hers is biased be her slightly exalted point of view - at least, that’s what Yvette always thought.

She sighed, thinking that it’s still two more nights before Jay returns. And of course, he never showed commitment, never hinted at their relationship as something serious, let alone special, always leaving the option of his possible liaisons in the air. On a long trip like this, Yvette thought, it is highly unlikely that he won’t enjoy any female company. He was serious about his business, but no amount of work could rob him of the enjoyment of his life. That was almost like a credo for him - And Yvette acknowledged that, bitterly. Doing the same would not work for her - she was just wired differently.

“You hide. Why? What do you fear?” Nicodemis wrote.

Yvette bit her lip, and once again, had no idea what to answer. She downed the remaining bourbon tea, though there was not much tea left in it, after the second filling. The relaxing warm waves took over her body. She shrugged, and chuckled when she thought about the comedy of the whole situation. She is chatting about her love life with a random Egyptian, a total stranger, while getting drunk. What a glamorous Saturday night.

“Do you think I will get what I want from him?”

Yet, longing for outside confirmation to make things more absurd. Yvette smiled, while a bit of sadness descended on her. In a few minutes, she might babble about her innocent quest to find unconditional love, and how she wants nothing else and willing to do anything for it… That’s what she loves to tell to herself as well, however, there are a whole lot of things she wants as well, if she could be completely honest with herself, she should accept that. For example, she wants another sip of bourbon.

“Yes. But you have to let go first.”

When Yvette saw that answer, she almost typed in “Do you consult with Julie-Marie? Sounds like you do.” As a rapid response. But she swallowed that.

“OK. Sure, I will. There is this energetic draw to this person, what I can’t explain, that’s why it’s kind of hard…” she wrote instead, slightly frustrated. He is right, of course, they all are right. “This is going nowhere.” she thought. “I’m getting nowhere.”

The next line appeared on her scree almost immediately.

“You want more, a deeper connection. Yet, you hesitate. Why? Do you fear your desires?”

“I am not sure, but…” Yvette typed, then abruptly stopped, mumbling “Ah, screw this…” and clicked on the video call icon. She was almost 100% sure that Nicomedia won’t allow direct contact with him, not just yet. He is secretive, her grandmother hinted at that, he is “veiled”, that’s what Jocelyn said, and he will not come forward like this. Not just yet. But what could happen? He just rejects her call and that’s it, if he wants to keep hiding.

To her utter surprise, the connection was established. It was not until a millisecond before her laptop started the transmission that it occurred to Yvette that she is sitting there still almost naked, her tight boobs slightly elevated and pressed up, almost bulging out by the tricky piece of lingerie, so she blushed and stamped on the Camera Off icon. Her own image flashed up once in the corner of her own screen, before going dark. She bit her lip as she feared the feed of her camera was visible on the other side for a second anyway. What would he be thinking? Talking about lust and stuff, and while she plays the innocent on chat, she is sitting here in this slutty outfit. She hoped she cut the transmission in time. She breathed in and regained her composure.

Nicodemis did not have his camera on. His profile image now filled the screen in front of Yvette. The big, golden eye of Horus just staring at her, from the depths of a black ocean. In a size this big, it was clear that it was the very same image she saw on the wall downtown.

“So, yeah, I’m not sure.” started Yvette, talking to the eye. “I don’t know what I fear. I actually want to learn, I do work to know more about the unknown. I usually love knowing what other people don’t know. It’s just getting a bit hard lately. I almost feel crazy, sometimes. I’m intuitive, yeah, even telepathic, yeah, I just… I do fear what people think about me, that’s the truth.”

The Egyptian Master did not speak either. A faint, hypnotic Middle-Eastern music started to filter through the speakers, and his answer appeared on the side of the screen, still in text. It gradually faded in, with a glowing animation, stayed there for a while, drifting through the screen, and then dissolving into the dark swirl of the profile picture.

“You are the Light. A goddess of white light, with a crown. Feel free to say what you want, without fear, or judgment.”

Yvette felt touched. That was very open and kind. So different to the very dark, strict, metaphysical discourse he’s been writing so far. Yvette took a deep breath and felt a little comforted. She even laughed out loud a little.

“I love to talk. It’s good to talk to you, it helps me, honestly, I think I need this, I don’t know who I can share these things lately. They heard it all and I also heard all they can say. But it’s just… talking is no problem, it’s how people will receive it…”

“Enough.”

The word appeared there like a slap in the face, covering most of the monitor for a few seconds, and Yvette stopped talking like someone pulled her plug. The next message appeared shortly afterwards:

“Go meta.”

She wondered for a while, what that could mean, before she realized it. She never ever tried telepathy while being tipsy. It’s generally advised against, accessing spiritual powers while one’s consciousness is under the influence of substances, and alcohol certainly does distort the mechanisms of the mind. Yvette never did that, though, in fact, she almost never drank alcohol anyway, and mostly this was the reason why. She felt confident though, since she gathered a lot of experience during the recent months, training, testing her abilities on almost a daily basis. She sat up, lifted her chest and raised her head, breathing slowly and deeply, trying not to pay attention to her stilettos piecing into her inner thighs.

The connection was instant and it kicked like a horse. Yvette held her breath until the vertigo passed, and the overwhelming load of images and feelings burst into her mind. She smelled hot concrete, tasted luscious grapes, felt sand between her fingers, heard the distant whir of an old air, echoing shouts coming from a market, and felt a great need, a crave, strive for something full of light and peace, she saw the glint of gold in the depths of black water. Suddenly it all disappeared with a swirl and she felt she is lying on a thin, high bed, in a white room. A huge, white room, where she did not felt cold - she was lying there in the same, more than revealing outfit - but she felt the cold of the bright white walls, heavy light raining on her, and when she realized she is lying on a hospital bed she panicked, tried to sat upwards and she returned into the now, sitting on her bed. It happened under less than half a second, the intense influx of impressions, but now she steadied herself, expressed control, and she focused on picking up his thoughts, slow and steady, one at a time.

“Yes.” A single word, appearing on the screen.

“You are a teacher” Said Yvette; out loud, transmitting what she could detect from the other side. “People go to you for answers. I feel a strong sense. Strong senses, to help people.”

“Yes. And now. Go. Deeper.”

Yvette felt something vast, moving, huge weights, unlocking something like a huge vault in the depths of an ancient stone temple or a pyramid. She gradually and slowly realized that the impressions she receives now, coming from the Master she is communicating with, are nothing else but reflections. She experiences something that goes inside her own mind, transmitted to her via the other one. It would have been a very disturbing thought, but now Yvette felt like she is beyond an important threshold, that there is no way back, and because of this, there is no reason to fear anything. She descended into the dungeons of her own subconscious, using telepathy… now that was an unexpected turn of events.

Another message appeared:

“This will be an intense lesson.”

Yvette did not have the faintest of doubts about that. She felt exposed, but also exposing, like an archaeologist on the verge of a great discovery, opening up a secret chamber, at the deepest portion of the pyramid, some part of her hopeful, some other part of her afraid of what she might find inside. She felt her heart pounding in her chest, and she realized that she is getting very wet. That realization also came with accepting the truth that this knowledge might channel through her mind, all the way to Egypt, and somehow, the shame she felt about that, elevated her arousal to new heights, thus, feeding into it. It was like a feedback loop, making a process irreversible and cascade into the unknown.

Several words appeared on the screen, in quick succession, one replacing the other:

“LUST”

“DESIRE.”

“EROTIC”

“FORBIDDEN”

“Look at the pervert old bastard,” Yvette thought, on a lower priority channel of her mind, which felt like mentally filtering the words through her teeth. “Playing with the feelings of an honest girl, just like that.” She was on the verge. She felt she could calm herself and behave reasonably, but she enjoyed this thoroughly, with all her heart, with all her senses, so eventually she gave in, and that felt like a gatecrash. Her womanliness blazed up like wildfire, she felt empowered, confident… and sexy. And also, quite annoyingly, a bit lonely. But she gathered her strength and kept focusing. The images drifted to her, spiraling, slowly gaining more and more velocity.

“I feel your senses are strong. This is why people want answers from you. It is you, who… you can bring the emotions out, things that seemed lost before. It’s a reconnection…, I know, I feel that I’ve been looking for you.”

“Good. I feel it. Go on.”

“Do you live by water? Is it the Sea?”

“Yes. Focus.”

“I feel you are special. A very special person. I’m grateful for I’ve been told I will meet you. Do you believe it’s true? Is this my personal truth?”

“Deeper.”

“Okay… I feel… I’m opening up… I’m opening up to these big, scary feelings inside me… like a wave, I’m riding it…” The feeling was so real, that Yvette started to semi-consciously move her hip in a riding motion, slowly. She felt the uncovered energies flowing out from the depths of her own body, covering her like a warm blanket of love itself. The emotions put a tear in her eye and she also felt so calm, so free from anxiety like never in the last few months, or even years. She continued to talk, without fear, full of confidence, her sexual energies circling around her like benevolent snakes waiting for her permission to lash out.

“I come from a very strict religious family, so I never thought that embracing this could be right. I have always been interested in the unknown though. I explored a whole new world where I could be happy, since, I’ve always felt out of place here. Does that make any sense...? I often feel I know the truth. My intuitions turn out to be correct. It is true, I do need conformation, sometimes. Maybe I should write a book.”

“Yes. That’s it!”

The first exclamation mark ever, from Nicodemis. This must be important.

“Do you often write your dark, secret messages that people need to hear? What they want to hear? The confirmations?”

“How do you feel right now?”

This advisor really wasn’t about letting control of a conversation. He simply ignored Yvette’s questions when they were, in his opinion, not particularly on point. Yvette realized that this method of him, sending only messages in text instead of talking honestly, could be a way to assure his dominant position. Like gods of ancient times, he reveals. And that is all there is to it. Although it could easily be called arrogant, it also expresses confidence. And that made a good impression on Yvette.

“I’m happy, happy that someone just… understands. I actually believe now that I’m right, thanks to your confirmation. I just need to embrace it!”

“Yes. That is what you need. Embrace.”

“Okay” Yvette exhaled heavily and extended her mind, scouting ahead. She wanted to actively reach out now, testing her abilities. She concentrated with eyes closed, but she also kept talking, like a commentator, verbally following her mental processes.

“I want you to open up for me as well. Is there something that I can do for you? Something special? What if I want to talk to you again? I tried to send you messages to you but it said I didn’t have permission… I feel a closeness, like, I am drawn towards you and I searched for you, for weeks, after you messaged me for the first time. So, I’d like to keep in touch. Should I read any of your books?

“Reflection.”

“Ah…, I’m sorry, I don’t...?” The visions Yvette saw regrouped into a shiny wall. It was a bit like the White Room, but more full of light. The liquid walls reflected back and distorted the light, which, she felt, was coming right from herself. “A reflection... of me?”

“Your energies in the quantum consciousness.”

“Oh, so… you’re kind of like the voice in my head? I will tell you, when I saw your message appear on my phone, I was so excited because I had been looking for you for weeks! Did you know about this? Did you feel me searching? Or did you just reply off the likes on your page? I strongly feel I need to work on this book. Most of it is done, in my head, it’s just hard to put them together, on paper. Maybe I need to research, that’s why I’m asking…”

Yvette stopped talking as the words appeared on her screen: “Lust or love?”

“Well, both. I need more research about these. And I need to more about quantum consciousness. This will lead me to the truth. The truth of what I want to know.”

“I see your energy shifting into the light of Awareness.

I see you in my meditation. You wore a crown of light.

I want to explore you more.

Experience you.

Uncover your mind, slowly.

Dare to let go, face the truth of your true power, which is passion.”

Yvette let out a faint little scream, and said:

“Did you just play with my hair just now?!”

“Yes,.” came the stoic answer.

In the next moment she felt a strange, warm, strong whirl around her waist, like an unseen being made of metaphysical energy hugged her, and then, an incredibly soft touch on her breast, a circle around her left, and a sensation very similar to the feeling when someone kisses her nipple - only even better, softer and more arousing. Her mouth fell open and she closed her eyes, she was moaning without a sound. Lust ran up and down her spine, and she ran her fingernails up on the sides of her body, caressing her boobs, touching the soft silk of her bra and the exposed skin over it, to safeguard the memory of the incredible feeling for another second.

Now, this is something new, she thought. And forbidden. Something very wrong is going on, and she should be scared to death, but instead, she just let it all go and enjoy it while it lasts. The text appeared on the screen, leaving any hopeful or fearful doubts behind:

“Kissed your left nipple, soft and sweet.”

“Oh my god... “Busted out from Yvette, as she was gasping for air. “I felt it… felt it on my body!”

The sensations continued, she felt warm hands running up and down her body, caressing, grabbing. She changed her position again and sat on her heels so she could lift up her hip in a riding motion, offering up her bottom. The invisible hands lived with the opportunity and grabbed into her muscular booty. The feeling was strange and exciting, as the energies did not simply flown on the surface of her skin like a human touch, but she felt it reaching a bit deeper - it was interacting with her aura instead of her physical body. Whatever it was, it felt fantastic.

A part of Yvette wanted to jump up from the bed and run away very far, which would have been of course quite a spectacular feet, wearing stilettos and lingerie. She banished that fearful part of her and went with the flow.

The presence not simply massaged her erogenous zones, it reached within a caressed her heart, which was indescribable but felt like being touched by the gods, and caressing her soul directly.

Nicodemis messaged her again:

“I hear your whispers. Begging for more.”

“Yeah, I miss, the touch… physical, and mental… I yearn for it, it’s true… so bad…” Yvette breathed, while kneeling on the bed, her fingers sliding inside her panties. She wanted to open up and offer herself to this strange, invisible force, a projection shaped by the will of her Master on the other side of the ocean. She threw her head back, her eyelids slightly shivering, her mouth shaped a soundless moan, as she felt sweet waves of lust teasing her pussy. She jumped off of the bed, carefully balancing in the insane stilettos, and yanked down her panties. The tiny piece of silk slid down to her ankles. She did not bother to get rid of it as she had no patience to pull it over the heels, so it just lingered down there, shackling her legs. She spinned the laptop around to see if Nicodemis writes anything, grabbed her own tits and raised her bottom, offering up her behind, asking for the energies to enter her finally. She felt her fluids to drip down to her thighs and she could not stop playing with her clit, with her other hand.

The stilettos were practically useless as footwear, but Yvette found them comfortable, as she could held her offering position up thanks to them, leaning slightly ahead, with balancing herself easily. She could use both her hands, not needing to support herself.

“Ask.” The word appeared on the screen.

Yvette licked her lips, looking for the right words for a second, and then her passionate desires washed away all her shame.

“Fuck me!” she said with a commanding voice, surprising even herself. She felt the word just echoes around her bedroom, filtering out to the streets for all to hear, but she didn’t mind.

Amazingly, she felt the presence gathering under her, the sweet, warm become thicker and more articulate. It was still nothing more than a feeling, but it exhibited more force, it became harder. Yvette slowly lowered her tight bottom, riding the raw, ghostly sexual energy, which was now indistinguishable from a real boner, back and forth, always a tiny bit deeper. She sighed and then groaned, louder. She remembered that the other one hears her, and she wanted him to hear it. The answer to her request appeared on the screen.

“Let my pierced cock enter you. I want you. All of you.”

“You feel me?” breathed Yvette “You feel me as I… ooohhh… thrust down, too… Aahh… cock?” Waves of joy washed over her. Meta sex is so intense, like it was real… who knew?

“Yes. Spread your legs wide. Feel me.”

Yvette crawled back on the bed like a cat approaching prey, trying to kick down her panties, and she succeeded - maybe a gentle mental touch helped in at the crucial moment, to relieve her. Now, naked below, panting, she felt back on her bed, raised her legs all the way, enjoying the view of her stilettoes for a second, and slowly spreading her stretched legs all the way, as wide as she could. It felt a bit silly, being alone, and no one else, waiting for the thin air ahead of her to penetrate her again, but that’s what she waited for, and that’s exactly what she wanted. She held her thighs from below and closed her eye. She did not have to wait long as the swirl of energies spiraled around her almost bare naked body, and then she felt that satisfying feeling, filling her up. Yvette screamed with joy. The feeling seemed to be shaped by her own desires and imaginations, sometimes growing large, straining her from the inside, hard like marble, sometimes careful, gently sliding out from her, messing around her clit, covering her body with kisses that are barely picked up by her senses.

She felt herself in sexual heaven, quickly approaching the top. She quickly turned around, kneeled up, her legs slightly apart, and sat back into it, so she can ride herself to ecstasy. She looked at the screen while moaning with lust, waiting for a message. Then she got it:

“Come now. Cum all over my cock.”

Yvette panted while speeding up her riding motion, grabbed her own ankle and threw her head back as her orgasm shook her whole body. She collapsed on her bed, and sucked down her precious juices from her fingers. Gratefulness washed over her. She wanted to express gratitude now, wanted to give. She wanted to finish her lover off with her lips as she often liked to do in real sex too. She wondered, what would that feel like in this “meta” kind of making love…?

She glanced over her monitor, to see whether Master has more instructions, maybe something involving what she was just thinking about. But Nicodemis was already offline.

They did it again the next day, twice. Yvette was hooked, hypnotized. She never resorted to sexting before, and elegantly dodged any similar attempts of her previous boyfriends and random strangers on the internet, feeling that it’s “not her thing”. This was so different, it was an exciting journey to the unknown, walking down hallways she blockaded from herself long-long time ago. The energy she felt from him was intense, so disruptive, yet so inviting. Like a bee to the flower. She wanted more. It was hard to even think about anything else. Talk about obsessions: now she checked her phone every single minute, a lot more than ever. The illusion of her balance was blown away in the wind. She felt like an eager student and a submissive cyber-slut. Everything else but his Master seemed to fade away, other aspects of her life started to feel trivial. It was like dreaming awake, walking around in a real life fantasy. She was in love. How did that happen?

She felt lost again, addicted to something beyond her control. She was worried, too, as her reunion with Jay was so close. She was determined she will not engage into anything serious online with Nicodemis on the day before he arrives, so she can somehow regain her old self. But Master, luckily, did not send anything, and did not react to her messages on the last day she spent alone. How much of this is real?