Cocktail
The first days with Jay were awesome. He brought beautiful presents. Sex was great, of course - in a way, Yvette thought, it’s even better that she waited for him “warmed up” She felt the change - she’s become different. She was more confident in bed, more open about her own desires as well, not just in fulfilling the ones of her lover. Nicodemis unlocked something inside her which, so far, prevented her from letting go and accepting herself. She was grateful for this, and felt guilty all the time she remembered to any of the scenes from their intimate Internet encounters.
When missing Nicodemis was the worst, Yvette tried to reach out and connect telepathically, without any success. Yvette realized after a few attempts, that the problem is not with her technique. The advisors were right - the Master knew how to veil himself when he wanted to, and he was only accessible when he wanted so.
When he finally showed up, they worked together in expanding the potential in Yvette further. Their erotic adventures become more sporadic, the Master drew back, to leave Yvette to direct her sexual energies at Jay, at least that’s what Yvette thought, because, of course, Nicodemis did not ever talk about himself, his thoughts, and motivations. He lectured Yvette, he gave orders to her, and that was it. The terms of their relationship were pretty clear. Unfortunately, Yvette could not have enough of him. She has become a little careless, and the first fight she had with Jay after his long trip was because she did not pay attention to something she should have - she admitted to herself later, that it was no doubt her fault.
“So, basically, you’ve been stalked online and you engaged in sexting with your stalker. Wow, Yvette, your momma would be proud. Didn’t you pass your credit card data as well, for like, some highly spiritual reason? Practicing unflinching trust or some other load of crap?”
Yvette really wanted to keep her strange relationship with her Master secret. She felt he would want the same. She also thought that keeping a secret is a good practice of discipline, which could be useful. A little self-discipline would certainly help her cause, since she’s been dragged into an obsessive cyber-relationship while maintaining an obsessive real life relationship as well. The spiritual lessons she took would require a calm and balanced mind, they are dangerous to practice if there is no inner peace - that is something her mentors are making very clear. Yvette was skilled enough to hide how harrowed she is lately. The sexual energies Nicodemis unleashed inside her were uplifting, but they’ve proven to be too powerful for her to control. Eventually, she unloaded the turmoil going on in her mind onto Grace, who saw anyway that she is different - that something happened. When the opportunity came, she lashed out and came forward with a series of highly accurately aimed questions, under which Yvette collapsed, gave in, and told her anything. Grace was not impressed.
“Universal trust is real. And you know that as well,.” said Yvette, like a kid who has been caught while stealing from the cookie jar.
“I know that as well,.” Grace answered; putting her evening cocktail back to the table in front of her, in the tiny bar, where the music was too loud and the drinks were quite haphazardly prepared, but at least it was almost empty because of the early hour and the workday. “I might not be a psychic, but yeah, I’m familiar with the concept. That does not change the fact that what you are doing is irresponsible. It’s childish beyond measure and very dangerous” Yvette sighed. She was grateful Grace doesn’t know about the telepathy practice.
“Hell, you did not try to merge your mind with his thoughts, did you??”
“Well, the problem with telepathy is that you really need to be careful not putting thoughts into other people’s heads accidentally” she said, defensive.
A few weeks after Jay got back, Yvette realized that she now finds herself crying herself to sleep, when she goes to bed alone, more often than not.
Puzzled and confused, she started to write. She wrote a memoir of sorts, though it did not much resemble sensible text - she let her thoughts and imaginations burst out of her down onto the paper. She used wide, thick letter paper, like parchments of old times, and organic ink. She liked to light candles, turn down the lights around her, prepare spicy grog, and let her imagination go rampant on the pristine pages. Sometimes she wrote whole paragraphs about impressions, doubts, and memories, Sometimes, she drew elaborate designs of single words, circled with spiraling lines, searching for a way out. She had no idea how or when she could turn this wild, imaginative mess into a book, but she wasn’t in any kind of a hurry. She enjoyed the creative process and the sense of relief which came with unleashing her innermost feelings and thoughts on paper.
Yvette has been in contact with a new advisor lately, called Shidonii. She needed someone new. She was so sure that the events unfolding in her life, the actions she takes are exactly what Jocelyn and Julie-Marie warned her about - so she practically went into hiding from them. It made no sense, as the advisors were there to listen and help, whatever happens… still, Yvette felt she cheated on them, even betrayed them, when she gave in to the Dark One.
The excitement and exaltation of the first few days chilled out a bit. Yvette drifted through the first week like someone who’s been led through a secret gate into a whole new life, or like a high school burnout when she first gets introduced to heroin. She was hooked. However, Nicomedis left her there, hanging. He seemed to troll Yvette, not to answer her when she needed him the most, and showing up online when Yvette was busy. Yvette engaged in risky texting sessions with him while she spent romantic time with Jay, who had a hard time to swallow this newfound gadget-addiction of Yvette. This did not mean that Yvette would be as possessive of him as she used to when they started- not at all. But Jay, freshened up by his long trip, seemed to come back with a genuine interest in, and desire for, Yvette, and he was willing to let her closer, it seems. Yvette probably would have been over the top because of these turns of events, had she not been obsessed with her new secret Master as well. This resulted in conflicting feelings within Jay. In a way, he was okay with Yvette paying not so much attention to him, but this behavior often changed into a wild attachment, with fierce tenacity, in a brink of a second.
“These connections are very rare and very strong” said Shidonii.
His upside down, curly, mid-length European suave head was round and Yvette felt the urge to touch and caress it, gently, as it looked so soft, but of course, it was just an image. Grey clouds ran in the background, chased by the wind, which tore into the palm trees, making them lean widely over. Shiidoni was probably hanging by his legs from a shaft on his bamboo porch.
“This will not be a path of your choosing” the Asian- American shaolin psychic went on. “Nor will it be fun and easy for you. From what I can see, this can take forever, and only you can end it. It’s up to you.”
“You talk about the end. But I never ever felt so free. I don’t remember anything like this at least. I’m not sure I want this to end, at least not anytime soon…” Yvette said, casting her eyes down in shame.
“I feel that you are growing. I feel that you feel that you are guided towards higher resonance, towards the ultimate prize. But to pursue this goal, your life, as you know it, is unraveling by its threads.” Shidonii hung his eyes closed now, but suddenly reopened his beautiful, almond shaped eyes and looked straight into Yvette’s eyes with serene confidence. “The appearance of this being in your life is what we call chaotic bliss.”
It touched Yvette. This was an awfully accurate description of how she felt. Something touched her hair, but it was only her imagination…, or the Dark One, messing with her.
“So, these connections are there to guide us through our lives” Shidonii continued, slowly reaching up to the shaft and descending back into normal position. His well-built upper body flashed through the screen for a moment, before he sat back, and again it was only his shaven face, muscled shoulders, and the grey waves storming the coast in the background. “This journey offers a path to what you are looking for, unconditional love, but are you ready for it? Is it really your desire, or are you just a plaything of a vastly powerful and egoistic being? He will never quit. He will never give you up. That is why I talked to you about the ending. Ending it can only ever happen by you. There is no compromise. There is no “let’s talk through this”. Nicodemis, or whatever name he is using, is not there to talk. He states things. He comes forward. He commands. He is the Master. Isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he is. But I think I love him. I think I love Jay too, but… it’s so confusing. I never felt anything like this. I know that for Jay, I’m not exclusive. I’m not the one and only and I’m not so important, no matter how good we feel together… yet with my Master, my Lover… when I feel him close, I feel that I am right in the center of his Universe…”
“And you are right! I see the patterns of your connections; it’s intricate, complex, and powerful. You’ve got a job to do, with each other. Yvette, let me ask you a question: would you like to meet him?”
“Oh, well, of course! I guess…”
“And why don’t you just go and do so?”
A million excuses popped into her mind; Jay, the business, too soon, too dangerous. Sure, he would need to invite Yvette first, but what if she expresses her wish for him, would he allow her to visit him?.
“I… don’t know. I’m afraid to trust the truth. And I’m too afraid to fly over to Egypt out of the blue.”
“He is touring the States quite often, isn’t he? Maybe he even comes by your place. Anyway, if you keep this relationship up, if you walk this path, eventually, you will meet in the physical realm. You are meant to! You’ve got work to do on each other. And that won’t be easy. It’s a hard nut to crack for you, if I may say. You will need to be patient.”
“Oh yeah, I had a lot of that. Cracking hard nuts and being patient…”
“I know. It’s a pattern with you - you teach men. With you, they experience something new. Some can embrace it, some cannot, but you are definitely an important lesson in their lives. This is your personal truth. You always learn something from them as well. And in your life, Master is so very important, maybe the most important lesson of them all if you decide to go for it, straight into the depths of that dark pyramid.”
Yvette liked how Shidonii came forward with his teachings. He was straightforward, assertive, he spoke very simply and he concentrated on the problem. Yvette was glad now that she decided to look for someone new. He was very different to her celestial, overtly nurturing, favorite advisors. Shidonii was low key and he wasn’t full of himself.
“He is a strange being. I will need to work to uncover more about him” She said, emotionally. He is spiritual, powerful, no doubt about it. People like him… he sees the past and future of the subjects they are working with. It’s clear that he is on a different trajectory with you. In a way, he is very much drawn to you, depends on you, and that’s new for him. This is because of the soul connection. He thinks he is your teacher, and I think he doesn’t know yet you will be helping and healing him as well. There are plenty of lessons to learn, for both of you.”
“I know why I am here now…” Yvette said, fighting her tears. “I know why the pull from that word, “Ask”, was so strong. I have been meditating on guiding myself, to my higher self, ensuring that I am on the right path, and so my lessons can begin. We are connected from a series of past lives; we are each other’s love card, soul connection, lessons from the past coming to present themselves in this lifetime. I am the one for him and he is the one for Me.” she said, sobbing. Shidonii nodded and respectfully waited in silence, before fading away.
