Ego vs soul intuition.

The problem is not with you, it’s with him, his guidance system, but you can’t help him.”

Yvette sat like a schoolgirl who got a last chance after failing the assessment test; humble, eager to learn. This time, she wanted to be a good girl and an exemplary student in the class of her metaphysical teacher. She was listening intently, and instead of looking for excuses, she would think deeply before she opened her mouth. Her realization was a humbling experience. She often thought of herself as a highly skilled spiritual being, but it showed that there is still so much to learn. Some same old patterns still keep trapping her.

“Ego versus Soul intuition. It is all ahead of him. He needs to comfortably descend into his body and live life as it is. You can be a guide for him. You certainly are an incentive; your love is a shining gift, waiting at the mountaintop for him. But you can also raise obstacles and put extra weight on his shoulders while he climbs. Burden him hard enough, and he might crumble and give up, looking for another, easier trail. You are more intuitive. He is less conscious. The lack of attention, you feel? It is because he is working on himself. And he needs to. It is necessary to embrace your fire.”

Yvette listened, with a tiny nod. Julie-Marie’s warm, exquisite, strangely reverberating voice was like a comforting echo of her inner thoughts. Yvette felt an overwhelming crave inside her clearly, it was exposed. She needed to gather her energies to execute patience, to keep that crave in line. Her longing for love might chase Jay away. What an immense trust this needs! She felt tiny when she thought about what seemed the best for her relationship.

“Sometimes you have to move on without someone and eventually, he will catch up. But I see what you are contemplating about. Maybe this is not worth it. Something has been promised to you, and you thought it is with him, but now you are not so sure. You are on your path to find out who you are. He is on that path as well. But when you get there, he might not be there with you anymore. Eventually, you will face this decision, Yvette, because he is not there yet, he can’t run with you, and if you push, he will leave. You vibe higher, and this is the price of that higher vibe.”

Yvette had mixed feelings after her session. She was relieved, as hearing what is on her mind in a clear, precisely articulated form calmed her. She was able to focus on her work afterwards, and had a very productive day in the office. She felt more confident than ever before in the previous few weeks. The task ahead of her is a difficult one, but at least she is aware, and it will turn out somehow eventually. Whatever happens, it will still be her, and it will be coming from her true self, where she is standing in the never ending trail of spiritual growth at this moment. There is nothing to lose, in the long term, however painful this can be, and already is, now. Yvette knew she is steadily falling in love, and her neediness is coming back and threatens to take control. Well, that is bad. She wants to see him more, talk to him more…

She had a good time with Jay that week, in general, and she felt she kept herself in check, giving it all when they are together, but staying low key when they were apart. But Yvette was afraid. Jay will be away for two weeks, the longest time apart since they are together. At this time, Yvette knew this will be crucial with how things turn out. It’s a make or break situation, and she shivered by the thought.

Jay was a funny guy. They laughed a lot. He was strong, clever. He really seemed to know what he wanted on the surface, but Yvette knew he is covering up his weaknesses. He does not want to seem weak, so it can’t be used against him. It’s a trust issue. How much trust do you need to trust someone in not trusting you? Trusting that however it is not there yet, trust will be there eventually? How do you know it is not foolish? Is there a way, anyway, to know, or this is exactly the domain where the heart rules exclusively? Jay was still taking care of her ex. Their relationship was closed, clean, parting the right way - these are the things which are the hardest to lie about, to ourselves and others as well, and Yvette felt honesty when Jay talked about this, reluctantly, of course. He always played down the emotional damage he suffered, and maybe caused, in his previous relationships, especially the last one. Julie-Marie confirmed that Jay’s care for his ex is genuine and clean. The healing process is not complete, for either of them, and recovery takes time and effort. Yvette felt they both climb a mountain, on very different sides. Will they both reach the top? It can never be taken for granted. So why put that much effort in the climbing then?

You don’t ask questions, when you deploy universal trust. The only question is: will you?

Yvette sat in her car in the evening traffic, in the scattered, slow whirl of neon lights. She remembered to what Julie-Marie was saying about the Ego versus Soul intuition. Jay can’t embrace new love yet, it is an Ego thing. Afraid to fall in love, as it is. He will be, when he is ready. It’s clear he does want to, the things Yvette wants to experience with him… that can’t come from anywhere else but from the heart. He is also grateful for her, there is a silent promise in everything he does. Things won’t change until he gets back from his trip, because he is obviously jealous. He plays it down, but Yvette knows this is one reason he does not want to get attached too much. He’s been cheated upon, and right now for him, it is a weakness, to trust a woman. Stubborn Ego game, which he will work down eventually - with time.

Julie-Marie, of course, has the guts to suggest to feed his ego even further by explaining how faithful Yvette will be, how he is the only man she can imagine being with… quickening his process of getting rid of that fearful Ego stranglehold, going through with the soul intuition.

Also, the business has a key point in his life right now, a crucial time which requires his fullest, and if he accomplishes his goals… all in all, lots of hardships to overcome for a potentially great outcome. “High risk, high reward.” thought Yvette “And, well, the ride itself is entertaining. When it is not grinding my gears.”