CHAPTER 18

"Angel,"

I suddenly froze and rooted in my place as I heard that familiar soft voice. That's Keegan's voice! Surprised by what I heard, I slowly turned forward. I blinked my eyes multiple times to see if I'm not just hallucinating. Keegan was smiling at me while walking towards my direction. He fixed his glasses and smiled wider as if he hadn't disappeared for a few weeks without saying goodbye.

He has this bright and innocent smile that can touch your heart. How come you smile like that after watching yourself in that kind of video? I blinked when he suddenly hugged me tightly as if he missed me so much. I couldn't move because I was still surprised that he was here in front of me and smiling.

"Sorry, I didn't let you know that I will be gone for a few weeks. I'm just taking care of something. I miss you so much. Do you miss me too?" Keegan whispered on my ears with his usual soft voice making me want to cry.

Where is he from? Is he taking care of someone? Where? Has he not seen the video yet? Because if he watched it. Maybe he's not this happy, right? Oh my gosh! I think he still didn't watch the video yet. what will be his reaction if he can watch it? Will he hate me?

"Don't you miss me anymore?" For a time I can't count I blinked again. I looked up and immediately found the gray eyes of the man I love.

"Why are your eyes red? Did you cry?" his brows furrowed while looking worriedly at me. I averted my eyes from him so he wouldn't notice.

Why does I feel like it's a sin to look at her innocent gray eyes? Why does the idea that I'm not good to him already sink in inside my head. that if he's with me I can only make him dirty.

"Why are you crying? What happened? Are you okay?" the worried in his voice makes me want to cry. I'm sorry Yuki. I'm so sorry.

I pushed his chest away making his lips part a bit. i glared at him as if i'm so disgusted with his touch when in fact i want him so bad to touch me. Because his touch is my comfort right now.

"Don't touch me." Please Keegan touch me. I want to feel your skin on my skin.

Keegan was shocked and confused as he stared into my eyes.

"Why? Did I do anything wrong?" he asked innocently as if he was so confused why I was acting like this.

"Don't you ever see me again. Let's not be friends. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to be friends with someone as cheap as you." Please don't believe my words. I love you so much.

I saw how Keegan stopped trying to reach me. He swallowed while looking at me. He blinked his eyes as he bit his lower lip. I saw how he opened his mouth to speak but he stopped himself. So I spoke again. I know I'm no different from Naurica in what I'm going to do now but this is the only way I can think of to drive her away. I know I will hurt him but at least it will do good for him.

"Did you really think that I will like someone like you?" I asked him mockingly. I saw how the pain passed through his eyes even though he was wearing glasses. It was as if someone caressed my heart while looking in the mirror. He finally used it. He finally used the glasses I brought for him. I want to smile because I'm happy but I stopped myself.

Even though his eyes hurt, Keegan nodded slowly causing me to catch my breath. I love the confident yuki. Please always remember that I love you. Put that in your heart please.

"Well, the joke is on you. I'm just lying about my feelings for you. I want to explore. I want to test you. I love to play. And you're my victim. I only befriended you because I want to experience what's the feeling of kissing a naive boy like you. You're maybe cheap like a rat but you've got the looks so it's okay." I raised my lips for a smirk.

"You're boring. I thought I would enjoy myself while playing with you. But I guess I'm wrong. You didn't even know how to kiss right. Ts What should I expect right? I should've known that I will finally realize that you'll be boring for me at the end. I shouldn't play with you. But hey, don't worry. i do enjoyed everything, it's just that I already found you so boring now," I said softly but with a sarcastic tone.

Even with the glasses I can see how his silent tears slowly cascade down to his cheeks making them wet. Someone just pinched my heart while looking at him crying. the arrogant smile on my lips faded after I realized that I am hurting the most pure and precious boy I've known in this lifetime.

Please hate me all you want. Please. Please. That's all I want for you to feel towards me. I don't deserve someone as pure as you. I deserve your hate.

You're doing great Angel. You're acting is so very professional that he really buys those hurtful words. I'm so proud of you. You're so really great at this. Acting up like a villain every time when needed.

Even though my chest was heavy and I couldn't breathe because of our situation, I tried to fix myself. I can't be weak in front of him. He should see the pure evilness in me so that he will leave and hate me.

After I ate our distance. I looked up at him. I want to wipe away his tears because he shouldn't be hurting right now. But all because of me. He's hurting badly.

I slowly touch his chin making him flinch a bit. I smiled at him sweetly. I really have an effect of him and I love it.

"Don't cry. You're such a pussy." I said tauntingly to tease him more. My eyes suddenly widened a bit when I saw how his gray eyes became dark as he was looking at me. I was talking earlier but he couldn't even open his lips to stop me. But it's better now. So that I can hurt him more with my words.

I caressed his lips and stared at it. Will the day come when I can kiss those soft lips again? I asked myself dumbly. For the last time I want to feel his lips on my lips. And that's what I did. I leaned forward to reach his lips. I held his nape and pulled his head closer to my face so that I could kiss him more. I bit his lower lip making him moan. I kissed him more deeply because I was sure I would find it.

I wanted to stop and marvel at Keegan's movements but I stopped myself and focused more on kissing him. Keegan cupped my face in a gentle way making me want to cry. How can he be this so gentle after all the harsh words I've said? How?

keegan kiss me back in a passionate way. Damn this! I'll surely miss him! Even though I knew he was forcing himself to respond to my kisses in a more delicious way, I stopped myself. Because I might change my mind and choose to be selfish just to be with Keegan.

"Please, stop." I muttered breathlessly. Keegan moved his face away and looked at my face with his begging eyes.

"You're really sick at this huh? You can't even know how to kiss harshly, what a pity. Thank you. The play is over. So expect that I win and you lose hmm?” I tapped his cheeks while smiling evilly.

"When I know how to kiss more violently and comply with your wishes, can we be friends again? When I'm good, won't you send me away?" he asked in an innocent and curious voice causing my jaw to drop.

You innocent bastard! Pull yourself together and don't expect more from me! I will only hurt you! Why does everything I said seem like he's still not hurt? Is he really that naive?!

Because of annoyance and because I still can't seem to hurt him completely. Annoyed, I snatched the glasses from his eyes that I bought myself and immediately stepped on them in front of him, causing Keegan to startle. His eyes widened while his lips parted a bit. He couldn't believe it while looking at the mirror that I stepped on and shattered right in front of him.

I can see the hurt and pain in his eyes as he looked at the glasses I broke. So many knives stabbed my chest after I saw a lone tear that fell from his eyes.

"Maybe? But don't expect. Rat.” I specially said the last word with a disgusting expression on my face.

"Now, can you fucking leave? I don't want to see your face. Leave!” I shouted angrily with my shaking voice.

"I'm sorry..." the only two words that came out of his mouth that stabbed my heart making it bleed.

I don't want it... it's too much. Why am I hurting someone who has done nothing wrong to me and knows only goodness! Keegan bowed and nodded. I took a breath and immediately left in front of him because I didn't want to see him leave while I was crying. I don't want him to feel the pain of this cruel world but I am the one who's hurting him right now. I want to protect him but I am the one stabbing his heart for countless times. I am the cruel one and I should leave him so that I can protect him this time.

I shouted my heart out when I'm finally inside our house. I let my tears of pain and agony stream down my face while I was heading towards my room. I wasted no time and immediately took the suitcase that I had prepared for a long time. I was brave enough to say something unfinished to my friend, but this will also be my decision in the end. Because I know this is what I have to do to fix myself countless times.

I need to fix myself. I need time to breathe. because I felt so very suffocated of everything. We're still young and I know there's so much ahead of us. And I was praying for the day that I can fully fix my broken self.

I smiled bitterly after leaving the taxi I took to my friend's apartment. Will Willia laugh at me while looking at my state right now? I told him so much that I couldn't stand it. I caressed my stomach when it churned. I bit my lip. I haven't eaten yet. Because I don't always feel like it. I knocked on the door but no one answered inside. I knocked again but I immediately grabbed my head as if my eyes were spinning. Fuck. I must eat.

My brows furrowed when I've realized that there's no one answering inside. Is Willia not home? I quickly looked for the extra key to his apartment that he gave me. I immediately opened the door and immediately looked for Villia.

I heard a cry coming from his bathroom, which made me run there immediately. there, I saw my best friend crying while holding a knife in her hand making my jaw dropped. I cried out loud because I saw the blood flowing on his hand. What the fuck is she doing?!

“Devillia Rémy!!! What the fuck are you doing? Oh my god!?” I quickly knelt down to see his wound.

“Angel... I'm tired. I'm very tired. I don't want to give up already..." Villia cries makes me want to cry too. I came here to ask for sympathy and a hug so that someone could tell me that everything will be alright. But I guess I only have myself to comfort my aching heart right now.

'Cause at this moment my friend needed me the most. She needs me more than I need her comfort hug. She needs a crying shoulder more than I needed it.

"What did you do to yourself..." I cried while hugging her tightly.

“Please... Don't leave me. I need you right now.” I cried and whispered in Villia's ear while hugging her very tightly. Afraid that she might leave me.

"I'm tired. I want to be free. I want to end this pain.” she cried and hugged me back tightly.

I cupped her face as I bit my shaking lips. I made him face me and I smiled bitterly at the situation we both had.

"Villia look at me," I ordered her and with her face full of tears she looked at me. I caressed her face and let my tears fall like a falls not afraid if she will see it.

"If I'll ask you now to run away with me to start a new day in a different place. Will you come with me? Will you come with me hmm? We're going to leave all them behind. Let's start a new. We will fix ourselves and build up the broken self. Do you want that?” I asked Villia softly causing her eyes to widen. I can see questions in her eyes but I can see the hope in more.

I saw how her eyes flashed because of what I said. I told her that running from all problems is not the way but this is what I am doing now. I only eat my words at the end.

Villia nodded without hesitation and a second thoughts. I can see hope in her eyes as her embrace on me tightens.

It's funny to think that the question she used to asked that I thought I wouldn't use it. I'm using it now. It's funny to think that she was willing to agree without a second thought because I'm the one asking. She's ready to run away with me anytime.

"Thank you Angel. Thank you. I love you so much. Thank you for saving me.” she whispered with full of sincerity in her voice like I really did save her because of my decision. Of course I won't leave you. But I also needed to leave the boy I love. I need to break his heart just so we can start a new day.

I need to save you and Keegan from drowning without minding myself. Because I know I will be okay. It's okay to be drowned at the end... at least I saved you both. That's the only thing that matters to me the most.