CHAPTER 19

Wish

Life is really so unpredictable. You just don't know what will happen tomorrow. No one knows. One thing I've learned is that life is highly unpredictable, and sometimes it's better to just go with the flow rather than to plan everything out.

You just hurt yourself at the end if you plan everything out so perfectly but at the end of the day... none of your plan fall into it's places. It's so sucking and hurting.

I yawned and rubbed my eyes. I stretch my arms and my neck so that I can be fully awake even if I badly want to sleep right now. I always lack of sleep but I don't complain. I immediately went to our small kitchen and immediately cooked breakfast. I first cook the friend egg, hotdog and bacon. Just a random food to eat up every morning. I followed the fried rice. Then I put them on the small table. Table big enough for four people.

It made me smile to see that I cooked them well even though i know it is very simple to cook for others. But for me I feel so satisfied every time I watch the food I cooked not getting burnt.

I still vividly remember when I first tried cooking the egg and hotdog. They all get burned! It's so black you won't want to eat it again. But Villia still ate them because I am the one who cooked them. She always sees my little effort and appreciates it anyways. That's how much she loves me. Even though it's not really tasty and I'm just wasting the dish. he will still eat it because I worked hard for it.

I'm not used to living alone without my parents. Without maids who will serve me anytime. I'm not used to living poorly. I literally cried at that time. It was during those times that I realized how hard it is to live without parents. It's so hard that all you want to do is cry and cry.

I feel like a pampered princess thrown to the place of thieves. I don't know how they live for them to survive everyday. I'm not used to what they're used to. I feel like I'm lost in a place I don't belong. I feel like I'm not in the right place. I feel like being poor is not my world. I don't belong in this place. I should be living in a nice place... eating expensive foods not with only eggs and hotdogs every morning.

Maybe this is the payoff for running away from my problem? I left as if nothing had happened. We went to a place where no one knew us. It's changing, but I feel like it was the right decision I made. But it's still a good decision for you now Angel Kate? do you feel satisfied living in this kind of life rather than living your life expensively?

I quietly entered the small room. My sweet smile pasted on my lips after I saw my gorgeous son sleeping peacefully on our bed. I slowly sat on our small bed. just enough for the two of us. I can feel some tears dwelling in the corner of my eyes as I was gently caressing the cheeks of my son.

For the past six years a lot has happened. Events I did not expect. every day I ask why my life, we have to lead like this. No matter where I look, I don't expect what has happened in the past year. But looked at me now, still breathing and doing fine. i maybe hurt a lot of times but i know in my heart i am genuinely happy right now.

Those experiences taught me a lot of lessons in life for me to become a good mother to my son.

"Baby wake up..." I leaned forward to reach for my son's ear to whisper.

"Wake up big boy. It's already morning." I softly whispered while caressing his cheeks.

I smiled when I saw that he slowly opened his eyes. My heart swelled in so much happiness when his sleepy amethyst eyes found my honey ones.

Chuckles came out of my mouth when he snaked his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. He showered my face with so many kisses making me giggle. He never failed to make my heart flutter with his every sweet moves.

"Goodmorning Mimi," he softly whispered while still kissing my nose.

"Good morning son... the food is ready. The food waits for you." I said as I was combing his hair.

"Aren't you excited for today?" I asked him with a sneer. He laughed softly and quickly appealed.

"Of course I'm so excited Mimi. This day is so so special right?!” he excitedly said. I can literally see the excitement in his eyes.

Of course because it's your day, son.

"Happy birthday to my most gorgeous and cutest son. Happy six birthday my Guardian Rèxane. Mimi loves you so much.” I mumbled sweetly and kissed his cheeks.

"I love you too Mimi please remember it always." Guardian whispered while biting his lower lip. I saw how he wiped his tears that were trying to fall down his cheeks.

He gave me a big smile that made me gasp. He's the angel I never thought would save me from hurting. He's the angel that came to our lives to guard our hearts. he's my guardian angel. My baby. My son.

"Come on, don't cry. It's your day you should be smiling and not crying.” I helped him wipe his cheek but I still couldn't escape his soft sobs. Guardian is a softie just like her Mom. I smiled at this idea.

"Come on big boy. Maybe the food I cooked has cooled down."

Guardian wasted no time and immediately left the bed. He excitedly held my left hand as we strode towards our small kitchen.

I help him sit in his chair. I smiled when I saw that he took the fried rice and immediately put it on his plate. He then put two hotdogs, one fried egg and three bacons in his plate. I enjoyed watching him.

Every day this is my usual sight. to see Guardian happy with the simple food laid out in front of him. Not once did Guardian complain about the food. He always eats what's on the table.

"Slowly, child, you might choke." I reminded him. he only smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up making me shake my head.

"You are obviously very excited. But did you sleep long last night Guardian Rèxane?” I asked while squinting my eyes looking suspiciously at him.

He drank water before he faced me.

"Sorry Mimi... I slept late last night because I wrote a letter for Mommy. There are so many words I want to tell her. That's why I slept late last night. I'm sorry.” he cutely made a puppy eyes making me bite my lips. How can I not forgive this gorgeous boy in front of me?

Someone caressed my heart when he mentioned the word Mommy. I missed her. I missed my best friend. I missed my soulmate. I just damn missed her so much. If only I could hug her right now and whisper how much I love and miss her every day. How are you? Are you happy right now? does pain doesn't exist there? Do you watch us every time? Do you feel proud because you have this gorgeous boy in front of me? Did you not regret leaving me so early? Did you not regret leaving Guardian... your son so early without watching him grow amazingly? Are you even proud of me?

I jumped when I felt something caressing my cheek. I found Guardian amethyst pair of eyes looking worriedly at me.

"Mimi why are you crying? Do you remember Mommy again?” Guardian gentle voice makes me want to cry even more. There's no day I stop missing your Mom, son. there's no day I didn't stop asking so many what if's... I wish she's here with us.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me tightly.

"If you miss her. Just look and hug me Mi. I don't want to see you cry. I don't want to see you sad. I bet Mommy don't want to see you cry too because of her."

I hugged Guardian tightly and felt the warmth of his embrace. It's the same warmth I feel every time Villia hugs me. Her hugs feel so warm and welcoming. Her hugs always tells me that everything will be okay. just like this one. Guardian never made me feel that I don't have a family. He's my family. He's my son.

She may have left me so early but she didn't let me be alone in the midst of darkness. He left Guardian to him. I don't know if he trusts me too much to leave his only child with me. I didn't expect she would leave me just like that. When I'm not even prepared. I didn't even see it coming. I didn't expect she didn't fight hard for her life... for her son. she didn't even say goodbye to me. I felt betrayed at that time. But who am I to judge her pain? They said it's really hard to bear a child. Especially when you give birth. It's really hard to be a mother. Being a mother is being a hero. Your life is at risk. being a mother you should know first that your one leg is already buried in the ground of death. A mother is equal to the word sacrifice.

I missed my mom.

My Willia fought. That's what I felt in my heart. I know she fought. He probably didn't want to leave his son. I know she fought as she took her child out of her womb. My Willia is a fighter. It's just that God knows what's best for her. He has been through a lot. She encountered different kinds of pain. Maybe God hears her pain? but what about me at that time? Villia is the only one I cling to. He is all I have. I did everything for her to fight. So that he can't think of just giving up or even taking his life because he's tired. But maybe all of these are God's plan. who am I to question his plan for us right?

He even took my friend from me. He gave Guardian. I didn't even know at that time if I would be happy or not. For God's sake we're only nineteen turning twenty. What do I know about childcare? It's not even in my vocabulary to have children at that age. But can I let my friend's life go? Her son is her life. If I leave his son, it's like I ran away from him. If I had come back to us right after he died and let Guardian alone. Can I handle it? Can my conscience handle it? Nope.

Even I didn't know what to do at that time. I held the little Guardian in my arms. I cried when I saw his cute smile. When his amethyst eyes looked at my honey eyes. All of my worries suddenly vanished just like that. i felt like he's really my son. I promised myself to be the best mother to him. Even if he didn't come from me. He is my son. He is my daughter with Villia. Guardian gave me hope. My life has changed since Villia disappeared and Guardian came into my life.

guardian gave me a purpose to live. To be strong despite so many struggles. He made me realize that I can live and stand on my own. He made me realize so many things that I can't even think I'm capable of doing with just myself. I thought I can't live without my parents because I don't know anything. I only hope for them. I grew up with a luxurious life. So I didn't think I could live with my son alone.

Willia... I survived. I survived with your son. Are you proud of me? because I am proud of myself.

Reminiscing the past made me smile. It's terrible... after all, I've been through a lot. Most of those are painful memories just so I can study nursing. Because this is Villia's dream. Funny how I studied nursing because of some boy way back. I lost my mind to continue studying but when I thought about it Villia's dream for herself because she wants to help people. I decided to continue nursing for him.

I studied while working. I worked really hard for my son. I even starved myself just so I could provide for the needs of my son. I've treasured those memories in my heart. Because those memories made me proud of myself.

“Mimi! Uncle Gabriel is here!” I heard my son shouted as I was hurriedly combing my hair.

one last look at the mirror and I'm done. I took my small bag and immediately left the room. .I immediately smiled when I saw Guardian excitedly greeted Gabriel with a silly smile on his lips while carrying a bike into the house causing my eyes to widen.

My jaw dropped while looking at the expensive bike.

“Wow! bike! Is that your gift to Tito?" I heard the amazement and excitement in Guardian's voice as he looked at the bike.

Gabriel nodded his head and smiled at my son. He messed up my son's hair causing me to sneeze. I still couldn't recover from the shock but I forced myself to step closer to them.

"What is that?" I raised my right eyebrow while asking Gabriel.

"Bike," he said and shrugged his shoulders making me glare at him. I know it's a bike! But for what?

“That's my gift for Guardian. He's already six he deserves that. Isn't it big boy?" he turned to Guardian. I saw how Guardian blinked from staring at the bike.

He hesitantly looked at me when he felt that I was looking at him. I saw the nervousness in his eyes while looking at me. I know he would love to have a bike. That's one of his wishes. I can buy that. But my savings are not enough. It's just a little child. I will buy you a bike. I want to buy what you want that I worked hard for myself and not from others. I don't know if it's my pride talking. But I want to buy what my son's wish.

But Guardian is not that kind of child who will insist on what he wants. He always prioritizes what's my decision and what I feel. so based on his face now I know very well that he likes the bike but he doesn't want to hurt me. He wants me to make decisions for him.

"What's with the look Angel? You don't seem to be used to it. I gift it to Guardian as his Uncle and Godfather." Gabriel smirked at me making me roll my eyes.

I felt someone hold my hand so I looked at my son. He smiled at me genuinely making my heart hurt. You want that bike right?

"Mimi let's go. We might be late for mass." he said with his soft voice.

even though it hurts a little on my part that I'm not the first to give him a bike. I will accept Gabriel's offer. For my son. But doesn't he really love to give gifts?

"Say thank you to your Uncle. The bike looks so pretty.” I promised and sniffed the bike. I saw how my son was surprised and how he was revived because of what I said.

He let go of my hand and faced Gabriel who was just watching the two of us. Gabriel knelt down so that he and my son were equal. Guardian immediately hugged him causing me to smile.

"Thank you Uncle. The bike is beautiful. I'll keep that for you." I heard my son whisper in Gabriel's ear making my heart flutter. I really raised my son well.

"But don't flirt with Mimi she's already had a crush. She's Loyal.” I heard him whisper again, causing me to frown.

Gabriel chuckles filled the house. What did my son say? Did I hear right or am I deaf?

"Happy birthday big boy. You're so big it's like you were little before." Gabriel said as he looked at my son.

He's right. Time really flies so fast. It seems like Guardian was still very small while I was carrying him in my arms. Now he is big. I don't want him to grow up fast! I want him to stay as my baby. But I know it won't just happen. My son will definitely grow.

"Thank you Uncle. you too, you were skinny before, now you have muscles. Glow up.” my son's speech made me laugh weakly. I saw how Gabriel snorted and messed my son's hair again.

"Stop ruining his hair." I glared at him causing him to straighten up.

"Sorry." he made a peace sign "Mama is already inside the car. Let's see if we get caught in the church."

"Okay. Let's go. Son hold Mimi hand tightly please.” guardian obeyed what I said as we walked towards the door. Gabriel closed the door of the house while we continued walking to his car.

I opened the back seat and immediately found Aunt Briella's tender eyes. Gabriel's mom.

"Children," her voice sounds so lively when she calls us.

"Lala Briella, you look beautiful today," my daughter greeted cheerfully, causing Tita to smile sweetly. He hugged Guardian tightly as if they had just met. When if fact they we're always together at night. Tita is the only one who watches over Guardian every night when I have duty.

I pleaded with our head nurse that I will go to work at night. I know it's not possible because many nurses may be needed in the morning. We do not yet know when many patients. but I really insisted that my schedule be only at night every day because I want to be the one to take my son to school and pick him up at home. I want to do my duty as her mother every morning. They understood me so they agreed. they know that I'm a single mom raising my own son alone.

"Why am I not beautiful every day?" There was sullenness in Tita's voice as she questioned Guardian. Guardian shook his head and grinned.

"You look beautiful everyday Lala Briella. But today you're more extra beautiful." guardian lovingly uttered making Tita laugh heartily.

We were surprised when Guardian suddenly slapped his forehead.

"It's wrong, Lala. You're more extra beautiful every Sunday.” he cheekily blurted out making me laugh too.

“Your noisy noisy Guardian. There's our shy Guardian hmm...”

It was as if something grabbed my heart as I looked at Aunt Briella and my son. They are like a grandmother who is just teasing.

I suddenly missed my Mom.

"Hey come on, let's get inside." Gabriel grabbed my attention causing me to stop watching the two. I nodded and immediately entered the passenger seat while Gabriel entered the driver's seat. I put my seatbelt on and lean my back comfortably on the backrest when I felt Gabriel slowly driving to the church.

Aunt Briella and Gabriel treat us their family. The two of them helped Villia and me before when we were looking for a place to live. They are very kind to us. even when Villia disappeared they never left us. They have become our family in this place. That's why I'm so grateful to my mother and daughter because if they treat us, it's no different from them.

After an hour of church. Tita announced that she was going to town, so she couldn't be with us, so only the three of us would visit Villia. Today is our son's birthday and also her death anniversary.

We bought candles and flowers for Villia and we went to his grave.

the cold wind blew and I immediately felt it brush my skin. I looked up at the sky and saw that the sky was overcast. Maybe it won't rain. It seems like the sun is just hiding behind the clouds so it's not very hot but if you look, it looks like it's going to rain. I sighed as I dropped my eyes to Villia's tomb.

It feels like a dream. You being away from my hold.

I stopped my tears from falling while looking at my son carefully cleaning his Mommy's tombstone. he would caress her name from time to time and I feel my heart being crumpled painfully.

Gabriel lit the candle in the glass and the candle on Guardian's cake. I bent down and placed the flower on the side of Villia's tombstone.

Then Gabriel and I started singing a birthday song for Guardian. While I was singing I didn't take my eyes off my son's face while he didn't take his eyes off of staring at his mother's name. i saw how my son smiled while looking at her name while there's happiness inside his eyes. I can see the contentment in his amethyst eyes. That I just saw. Because every time we go here, I see in his eyes the sadness and longing for his real mother.

But today I didn't see any sadness or longing. Why are you not sad anymore Guardian?

"Happy birthday... Guardian..." we sang the last line and stopped.

I stroke Guardian hair making him look up at me. He then gave me a small smile.

"Make a wish baby," I whispered into his ear

"Make a wish big boy," Gabriel said

Guardian slowly closed his eyes and began to make a request. I thought he would wish silently but we're shocked when he said it louder.

"Happy sixth birthday to me. God, please hear my wish. I want you to grant it for me, please... I want to meet him in person. I want to know him.” Guardian whispered those words that made my brain being puzzled.

My heart beats faster inside my chest after hearing my son's wish. What does his request mean? He wants to meet another person? he wants to know him? I want to kick this idea out of my head but I can't. My heart was racing as I tried to process my son's request. Who does he want to meet? Don't tell me... Does he want to know his real father?

I can't think of anyone else he would like to meet other than his father. I have already told him everything about Devillia. He knows that I'm not his real mother. That his mother died after giving birth to him. But he never once asked a question about his father. he never curiously asked where he is. Even if he would ask me some questions about his father. I don't even know anything about that gag! And I have no intention of getting to know him!

He doesn't deserve my friend and even more he doesn't deserve my son! if he hadn't been stupid and stood up for my friend, maybe my friend would still be here. Maybe my friend was hoping that the dumb boy would look for her but no one came.

What will you do now Angel? Guardian is getting more matured. he has many questions that want to be answered. What if his wish right now is... to meet his real father? Can you fulfill his wish? But he doesn't deserve my son! I don't want to hurt my son. But if stopping him to know his father will not hurt him? Huh Angel? is this what you want to fight for?

I cried hugging my son very tightly. Why do you need to wish something like that? I'm having a hard time fulfilling your wish bike. How can such a request be made? I don't think I can fulfill it. I'm sorry son. I'm not enough for you. I can't even grant your simple wish.

I don't want to hurt you... I don't want to lose you. Please don't hurt Mimi like this. I can do anything you want. I will work hard. Just not this one. I can't grant it for you and I don't even want God to hear your wish. i wish the wind wouldn't whisper your wish to the person you're referring to. Call me selfish this time. But I don't want to lose you. Not the second time around.