That's what I wanted, kitten!

Nate

I don't know what's going on in my head. Yesterday, after the kiss, I promised myself I wouldn't get that close to him, and today when I saw him in the dressing room, I was sure he wasn't okay. I've only known him for a short time, but I know that when he's not smiling, joking, talking the nonsense that makes me smile, and then wondering why you think it's funny, or not acting like a fool, and flashing that smile, that damn smile, I know you're sad. I got confirmation when I got to the bathroom and heard him crying. That worried me, and I thought I was to blame for her sadness. I don't understand, why do I care so much about him?

We spent a very pleasant afternoon and early evening. However, he had to provoke me. That conversation in the mall parking lot shook me up. In fact, I don't know what's going on, because from the moment I accepted the role in the series, and I knew he would be my romantic partner, something changed. I can't rush it, suddenly it's just a weird feeling because of all this closeness. After all, Will is an amazing person, he's charming, conquers everyone wherever he goes, and I've never kissed a guy before, it makes perfect sense to feel me. so shaken by a kiss, not least because Will is very handsome, and has a full mouth, and... What the fuck is that? What am I thinking?

As my mom keeps inviting Will to my uncle's birthday dinner, I think about everything that's happened in the last few hours, and pretend I'm watching something on television, and on Twitter. I watch as she says goodbye, and I feel her body approaching me, and that strange sensation I felt in his car, and in the elevator came back again, my heart beats wildly, and a terrible cold settles in my belly. I can't look at him, I can't. What's going on, Nate?

— Is it okay if I go to your uncle's birthday dinner? — of course you do, I don't want you near me, you're driving me crazy.

— Do not.

— Are you sure?

— I have. — what a lie, Nate!

— Why are you like this? — for your cause!

— Like this? I keep looking at my phone and faking dementia.

— Looks troubled...

— I'm not bothered, I'm just... Will, I think we're, I don't know... — I put my cell phone down next to me, and put my hands on my head, it's making me desperate. — I think we're...

— What's up? — He's too close, I stare at him, his voice sounds like a whisper as he says it. I turn away, look at the TV and continue talking.

— I'm very confused, I don't know what else to think... I've never felt like this, I was always sure. I think it could be because of my character, because I wanted to understand what he felt, what it was like to love a man, and I got too deep into his personality, and his feelings, and...

— Again this?So you mean I kissed Thirasak? — he says, and lets out a laugh.

— No, I wasn't acting! — I answer, and I look at him, his eyes are so beautiful, I feel lost inside them.

— Nate, I've felt just like you!

— As well?

— When I was 17, I fell in love with a friend from school, and he fell in love with me. I made up my mind that that was wrong, in fact, I was taught that loving someone of the same gender was wrong. When I saw that my parents didn't accept my older sister's sexuality, I started a relationship with a girl. Today, I see that I managed to lie to myself for a long time, out of fear.

— But did you find him later?

— No, I haven't seen him since graduation day. I'm sure I broke his heart, but I also left heartbroken, for fear of assuming I liked him.

— What if he reappears in your life? What will you do? Why is this bothering me? Why this curiosity?

— Nothing.

— But, you just said you were in love, and you regret not having lived a relationship with him, and... — Will is kidding me, and I'm sure if this guy reappears, they'll live what they couldn't live in the past. Why is the idea of ​​seeing Will with someone else bothering me so much?

— And I regret it, but that doesn't mean I still have feelings for him.

— And how can you be sure of that?

I watch the way he looks at me, he looks anxious. I smile, lower my head, lift it up and face Lord Naetang. I lift my arm, and I land on his shoulder, my hand caresses him. He quickly aims the direction of my hand, then gives me a more confused look.

— I'm sure I don't feel anything for him anymore, because my heart has no more space, it's filled by someone else!

I look at him intently. I can't believe he doesn't feel anything for this guy anymore, but if he does, it's none of his business, says Nate! On his lips sprouts that damn smile, he lowers his head, then I feel his hand stroking my shoulder. I look at his hand, and then at him. That feeling again. My heart beats so hard.

— I'm sure I don't feel anything for him anymore, because my heart has no more space, it's filled by someone else!

He says that, and I can't stop staring at him. Will moves even closer, my heart is going to leap out of my chest at his gaze and his lips are aimed at my mouth. I can't, I can't! His tongue runs smoothly over his lips. Will, don't do this to me! I pull away, and I turn away, and I stand up.

— I need to tidy up the room for you!

[...]

After placing a mattress next to my bed, sorting out clean clothes, he appears in my room as if nothing had happened. I wonder what's going on in his head? Say all that, with that smile plastered on his lips? I can't stop thinking about what he told me.

I indicate the bathroom, and hand him the clothes. I pick up my glasses from the table beside the bed, and then the notebook. I unline the bed and sit down. I flip through it, and I realize that there are many scenes with Will, and Thirasak as always struggling to have Wanchai by his side. The text makes me so focused, that I don't notice his presence.

— You already told me you wore glasses, but it's the first time I've seen you like this!

I look at him, and I realize he's shirtless, and I don't know why, but it bothers me. I look back at the text and feign indifference.

— AND?

— You look cute with glasses! He says and sits on the edge of the bed.

I keep looking at the text, and try to focus. I'm very nervous about what he said to me in the living room, and now I have to stop my gaze from roaming over his body. What's happening to me?

— Is it the episode 8 script?

— Hmm...

— I took a peek, and saw that we have a lot of scenes together!

— hmmm

— There's the scene with Thirasak saying he likes kisses on the ear. There's the Wa scenenchai taking care of him, after a group of guys beat up Thirasak. There's Thirasak, all syrupy, wanting Wanchai to take him home, and still stealing a kiss from him... - He says in a mischievous tone and smiles.

— Are you sure? Will Thirasak steal a kiss from Wanchai? Is this in the script?

— Of course it is! In that case you'll have to steal a kiss from me while I tend to your wounds, and you'll throw me on the bed, keep grabbing me, and still insist that I sleep at your house...

Will seems to have taken the day to piss me off. I stare at him, then look at his bare chest, and it bothers me. I look back into his eyes, and the bastard is smiling as usual.

— What was it? Do you want to rehearse the scene where Thirasak steals a kiss from Wanchai?

— Will, why don't you wear a shirt, and stop this bullshit? Looks like you took the day to piss me off, and drive me crazy!

— Calm down kitten, don't be nervous!

— What? Why are you calling me that? I didn't give you freedom for that!

— Calm down, I saw your mom call you that, and I thought it was so cute. What's the problem?

— My mother calls me that, just her!

I speak harshly, and my look at him isn't the best. Will gets up, puts on his shirt, and then lies down on the mattress on the other side of my bed.

[...]

I turn from one side of the bed to the other. I just can't sleep. I don't know if he's sleeping. I can not hear anything. After he went to bed, I still tried to read something, but it was impossible, and I had a brief impression that the day had forty-eight hours, because many things happened to keep me awake. I try to get it out of my mind, but it's too hard. I close my eyes, and the memory of the kiss comes, I shouldn't think about it, I need to forget. But how do you forget a kiss like that? And it wasn't the first... Although the previous one was very good too, and the place was the same, his car. What am I doing? I look like a little boy in love remembering his first kiss. What the hell, Nate! I shake my head in the negative. I'm not going to do this, am I? I move to the other side of the bed, and he's on his side, uncovered.

— Nate?

— Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! Is that you are discovered...

— But, I sleep like this!

— But at dawn, it's very cold, and maybe you can't stand it!

— Ah, thank you! — he replies, and I return to my place on the bed.

— Good night, Will!

— Good night!

— Will, sorry if I was a little rude to you!

— Okay, I think I've been overreacting to my jokes with you!

— Just a little, but I also know that I'm very annoying sometimes, and I'm uncomfortable with anything, and I should be used to you by now. At first you weren't like that, but then you let go, right?

— It is true. I thought you were too serious, and too cocky. I even thought it would be difficult to conquer you...

— What?

— Win your friendship, Nate!

— oh

— You know, I bet you have a red ear!

— Will, fuck you! I say, and I hear him laugh.

[...]

Will's presence in my room after everything that happened yesterday is disturbing, and I shouldn't be thinking about it. I drag myself down the hall to the bedroom, after going to the kitchen for a drink of water, even though I'm not thirsty, and as soon as I open the door, I find him coming out of the bathroom. Will shines his cell phone light on my face, and I smile, his smile being one of the many things I like about him. Will is still looking at me, I walk to the bed, before I lay me down, he comes over and takes my hand. Without seeing very well, I realize that it is very close.

— What do you want, Will? Will sleep...

— You know what I want, kitten! — he says in a very sly voice.

— I already told you not to call me that!

I feel his breath very close. My heart beats too fast. That damn feeling takes over me again. I feel his lips touch mine, I could push him, yell at him, hit him, punch him in the face. But I don't know what's wrong with me!

He lightly nibbles my bottom lip, and his hands grip my waist. It can't happen, but I can't stop it. I wrap my hands around his neck, and return the kiss in the same way. My tongue meets his, and a sensation of pleasure takes over my body, I pull his hair, while his mouth leaves mine.

— That's what I wanted, kitten! — he says and kisses my mouth again.

I could punch him in the face right now, speaking of the nickname my mom uses when she wants to piss me off, but my mind has been gripped by some insanity. I've never felt so good kissing someone, or rather, kissing a boy.

It felt so wrong, but I'm in the moment,

So, it's all right...