24

Crispin's POV

After what seemed like years, I finally felt like myself. That everything is finally back into place. Dieter and I were insatiable for each other. There was not a time we were not kissing, fucking, or heavily petting. But we needed it. We needed to ease the ache that our strained bond left.

Being away from each other was too much on our bond.

I'm never doing that again.

I have no idea how long I've been in this bed with him. How long I have been in and out of sleep? All I do know is that I can feel myself getting stronger. William is almost back at full strength and I have never been happier.

I can barely remember anything that happened while I was in that weird state of being alive but not cognisant. I just know that I was the most miserable I have ever been in my life. And I never want to feel that way ever again. I can't handle it.

I looked in the mirror and it felt like my face was finally back to normal. My eyes had some life back and Dieter's mom had been feeding us nonstop. I was almost back to my usual weight. Today Dieter told us that we were leaving our bubble and he wanted to show me his pack. I was disappointed because who wouldn't want to stay in bed with their mate? But I was also excited to see his pack.

I changed into my usual, slacks and button-up. Dieter laid out all my jewelry for me already. I put on my father's ring and the necklace that held my mother's and I was done.

I was about to open the door and walk out but I heard Dieter talking on the phone and I stilled.

"Yeah, yeah. He is doing better." I heard him say. "We still have things to figure out, but once we do. I'll let you know."

"Okay, just keep me posted." Rena's familiar voice hit my ears, he must be on time with her.

"Hi, Deder." I heard Carter's voice and my chest tightened. Shame washed over me and the memory of how I treated Carter came flooding back. My eyes started to water as the pieces were put together.

Go away!

I winced at my own harsh words and I stood with my hand hovering over the door knob. How could I have forgotten that? I wouldn't...I would never. Nor would I ever talk to him in that way...

"Hey kid, you doing okay?"

"Yeah." He didn't sound like himself. He was usually a loud ball of energy. This wasn't my Carter.

"Deder, when are you coming back?" He asked him, completely ignoring the question.

"Soon, we will get you soon. I promised, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." He sounded defeated and I wanted to walk out and talk to him. But my body wouldn't move. Why can't I move?

"Do you want to talk to Daddy? He is almost done in the bathroom." Nerves wracked my body as I waited for a response. It was silent for a long time and a moment I thought I didn't hear what he said.

"No, I just want to talk to Deder."

The pain I felt was indescribable, it was like I could feel our bond being torn to shreds by jagged and dull teeth. Every rip was bleeding and the stinging was worse than the last one. Then to make things worse it felt like the acid of jealousy was being poured over it. He wanted Dieter. More than me. I understand that my temper had been out of control the past few weeks but had it been that bad?

I'm his dad.

Me.

Not Dieter.

And yet he doesn't want to talk to me...but him?

"It's been three days, Dieter," Rena said with a slight edge to her voice. She sounded irritated about something. But I found myself still unable to move from my spot.

"I know, I know."

"Carter needs you. He needs you both." Dieter let out a deep sigh like he was battling something. I even felt it in our bond. He was hiding something. He said one last thing and I heard the phone hang up, it was then I was able to move. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of me and I was able to breathe again.

I walked out and Dieter stood against the dresser wearing dark jeans and a T-shirt. He smiled at me and I immediately went to him and wrapped my arms around him. I pushed any negative emotions away from my mind. Dieter was my safety.

"You ready for your tour?" He rumbled out and I nodded. I slid my hand into him and I let him pull me out of the room for the first time since coming.

The packhouse was beautiful. It had almost a dark academic feel almost. It was black and olive green. There were a few pack members that were walking around but many smiled softly and continued. Which I was thankful for, but I knew it was because I was walking around with this beast of a man hand in hand.

"I'm going to show you around our training facility." I could hear the excitement in his voice. He talked about the training at the pack more than he talked about anything else.

I could see it in his eyes just how passionate he was about it. And I was more than excited to see what all the fuss was about.

As we got closer I realized just how big the training courts were, and how many. It went for acres and it seemed most of the pack was out...But this isn't what Dieter told me...no. He said these were the sparring courts but from what I can see--which is blood dripping from faces--and what I can hear, which is bones cracking--isn't sparring.

This is fighting...This is violence.

I'm sure my eyes were wide in shock as I watched. I looked over to Dieter whose face held nothing. It was strange to see him this way...so impassive. I knew this was how he was with others but it was strange to see him like this with me right next to him.

I found myself already missing his smile.

And his voice.

Pack members walked past him and gave him a 'hello' but he never spoke. Just grunted or gave a small head nod.

This isn't my Dieter.

But then I am reminded of the curse. He told me about how is seen and then I wondered if this is part of it. Perhaps he isn't intentionally acting this way, but it's part of the deal whether he wants it to be or not. That in itself made my heart ache for him.

The smell of copper was evident the more we walked. Some of these men and women looked beaten beyond repair. Their faces were mangled and I found myself wincing at hits being thrown. But none of them stopped. Not even if both of their eyes were swollen. They were still swinging blind.

"Dieter." I didn't recognize the voice, but Dieter did and he stopped walking and turned around. It must run in the pack with how rugged this man looked.

"Crispin, this is my Beta Viktor. Viktor this is my mate Crispin." Dieter's voice didn't even have an inflection. It was just flat...

I smiled widely and let go of Dieter's hand and stepped forward to the wolf now known as Viktor.

"Hi there, so nice to meet you." I put my hand out for him to shake and I noticed the surprise all over his face as I did so. He squinted his eyes as he slowly took my hand and gave it a firm shake.

"Are you sure this is your mate?"

I felt my smile start to falter as I held his hand firmly. But unconsciously my grip got tighter on his hand and Viktor's face went from confusion to pain. Good. I made sure to keep my happy face on but on the inside, I was seething. I felt nothing but red-hot anger at the assumption that I was not more than perfect for MY mate.

"What was that? I'm sorry I didn't hear you." I asked him, my eyes never letting off of his.

Dieter might be scary in looks but I was scary in a different way. I kept my smile wide and my voice light. Anyone looking in wouldn't have thought I was doing anything to this poor wolf. But seeing his fingers begin to cross over each other in my grip would say different.

Now. I wasn't a violent man in the slightest. This is about as far as I would ever take it. But he didn't know that.

"Nothing, nothing. I didn't say anything." He stuttered out quickly.

"Oh, my apologies, I must be hearing things then." I let go of his hand and he snapped it back to his side. I could tell he was resisting the urge to rub his bright red hand. I stepped back to my spot by Dieter, my smile still firm on my face.

Dieter looked in between us and for a moment I saw amusement in his eyes. He must have known what I'd done.

"What is it that you need, Viktor?" He asked, Viktor went back to looking at his alpha and cleared his throat.

"Thomas...he and a few others have left sparring yet again."

I have no clue who this Thomas is, all I know is that I don't like the feelings it emits in Dieter. I could feel it in the bond. An anger that was slowly consuming me. His body went stiff and I saw his jaw tick.

"Where is he?"

"Weapons, tent." Dieter nodded and turned to me quickly.

"Stay here." He spoke quietly so I could be the only one to hear the softness in his voice. But he would be dumb to assume that I would not follow him.

"No. I'm going with you."

"Crispin." He sighed as he took a step closer. "Please." He whispered so lowly I could barely hear it.

"I'm going with you." I gritted out and sidestepped him and walked to where Viktor was.

Dieter let out a groan of annoyance and he turned and began walking. I stayed a reasonable distance behind as he moved. Power and dominance were in each step he took and it was a sight to see. However, there was something in me that kept telling me to turn around. To stop walking. To not go.

'I don't think we should watch.' William spoke as he paced in my head. His nerves made me nervous.

'Why?'

"I don't know, I just--I just think we should go back to the packhouse.'

William wasn't an extremely present wolf. That's probably because I never talked to him much or went on runs as much as I should. So our bond wasn't the best, and it wasn't on the level that Carter had with Tatty. Though some days I wished it was. Is it weird to be jealous of your son and his wolf?

We finally made it to the weapons tent and my goddess it was huge. The biggest tent I'd ever seen in my life. When I walked in I saw every weapon imaginable. Either hanging off in a case. Two men were manning the whole tent. Older-looking gentlemen and then a younger one who looked about my age.

Though none of them noticed me. Their eyes were glued to the very angry Dieter in front of me.

"Alpha, I can explain." The older gentleman, I assume is Thomas spoke. He put his hands up in surrounder but that wasn't stopping Dieter. He stormed behind the desk swung his beefy arm back and landed a punch across his face.

I could hear bones cracking and I saw blood gushing from his face. He stumbled and his back hit the knife display. I stood still in my spot. Paralyzed with what? Fear? No. Dieter would never hurt me. But with confusion? Possibly.

Dieter grabbed Thomas' collar with a balled fist and brought the man to his feet. The other guy in the tent was continuing as if this wasn't happening. He didn't even stop to look up at him. Was this a normal occurrence? So much so that pack members are unphased by it?

"What did I tell you?" This wasn't Dieter's normal, seductive tone. This was dark. This was scary. This was...death.

Thomas let out a cough, blood splattering over Dieter's shirt.

"Please, alpha let me explain." Instead, Dieter slammed his fist on the glass case they were leaning on and it shattered to pieces. The sound of glass rang in my ears as I stood watching. Seconds later he grabbed a knife from the display and held it firmly in his hand.

"Didn't I tell you what would happen?"

"Alpha, please my mate...sh--she--"

He wasn't even able to finish the sentence before Dieter swung his knife back and buried it inside Thomas's stomach.

He let out a choked gasp as Dieter pulled the knife out, the gushing of blood following. Dieter let him go and Viktor was there in no time to catch him and drag him out.

My stomach began to rumble and I could feel bile in my throat. The need to throw up was too much, but I couldn't move. Which seems to be happening a lot to me today. I stayed firmly in place and I could feel my cheeks begin to dampen.

This wasn't my Dieter.

The Dieter I know is funny, sweet, and kind. But this man was in front of me. Is vicious, bloodthirsty, and ruthless.

This wasn't my mate.

Dieter slowly turned to me and worry was evident in his eyes. He took a step forward and though he was across the tent I took a step back from him. Hurt flashed through his face at the act but I couldn't help it.

"Cris--" I sucked in a breath, his voice almost sounded like my Dieter, but it was now tainted. "Crispin."

Before I knew what I was doing, I was out of the tent walking and putting as much space between Dieter and I.

Funny how much things can change in a day.