27

Dieter's POV

I walked through the sparring courts and all everyone did was stare. Probably because of how uncharacteristically tough I have been these past few days.

All my pack members were filled with nerves as I walked through watching, judging, and changing things. They all tried their best to perform to their ability but it never was up to par. Though I don't think anything will be. Not until I fix what's wrong between Crispin and me.

But there's not much for me to do. He told me he needed space from me. So I would willingly give it to him. No matter how badly it hurts me. No matter how much I want to run to him and hold him to me. I can't.

Our argument replays on repeat in my mind. Things I said to him...were cruel and unfair. He doesn't deserve to be treated and spoken to in such a cruel way. The moment Crispin found me I would apologize. I would get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness.

These past few days, Rena has also been calling nonstop. Asking questions of when we would get Carter, and how he wants to speak to me. Which were all valid. I tried to talk to him as much as I could, but I could tell it wasn't enough for him. I tried explaining to her that right now is not the best time for him to come live with us.

How our relationship was strained and his coming would make things worse. Though it made me feel incredibly guilty and selfish to say such things. Carter needed us, and I recognized that, but right now I need Crispin and he needs me...

As much as I hate to say it...Carter had to wait.

My phone rang in my pocket and an all too familiar name flashed on the screen. I answered the Facetime and I saw the face of a man who seemed to have all the answers.

"Koa." I gruffed out.

"I'm going to kill you." He growled out and I huffed in amusement.

For the past few days, I have not been their best friend towards him. He has been calling non-stop and I have been ignoring him. Not for any reason particular, but more so I am embarrassed to tell him all that has happened. He and Tino have a relationship I admire and I only dreamed of having such a bond with my mate.

"Go inside, so we can talk like human beings." He spoke pulling me from my thoughts.

I did as he said and found a quiet empty room in the pack house and sighed as I propped the phone up on a table.

"Koa, before you start on your tangent, things have been rough," I told him truthfully and ran my hands down my face.

"Talk to me, friend. What troubles you?"

I sighed and before I knew it I was word vomitting to him. I told him everything that had happened since Crispin and I marked each other. About our argument, and our sacrifice. I explained it all to him, even though shame slowly crept in and urged me to stay silent. But I fought against it. Knowing that this was my best friend and that I could trust him with anything.

"My goddess, Dieter. You should have called me sooner." He sighed as I finished my rant.

It felt like a small weight had been lifted, it was nice to speak to someone else about this other than my mother. And Koa always provided the best advice.

"What do I do?" My voice was low and quiet. It was strange, the feeling of vulnerability.

"It seems to me the best thing you can do is wait. Which I know is not what you want to hear. But when Valentino and I were not in the best spot, I had to take a step back and let him come to me."

I sighed deeply with annoyance, not toward Koa but the situation at hand. I thought I did my best explaining everything to Crispin, I thought he understood the gravity of it. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough...perhaps this is all my fault.

Rena's name flashed across my screen yet again, and ran my hand down my face knowing I should answer.

"Koa, I have to call you back," I told him quickly.

"You better." He hung up soon afterward and I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the wrath of Rena.

"Hello," I said as her face and my sister's face popped up on the screen.

"Dieter, Carter would like to speak with you," Danielle said with a smile.

She looked so happy, so happy to be with her mate and be together. Part of me couldn't help but be a little jealous at the fact. Before I could respond Carter was on the screen with a small smile on his face. Though he looked extremely unsure and it filled me with discomfort. I watched as his eyes flickered back and forth between me and Rena and Danielle. Like he was waiting for them to tell him what to say.

"Hey, kid," I said smiling at him, grabbing his attention.

"Hi, Deder." He lifted his hand to wave and then pushed his hair back.

"How are you doing?" I cleared my throat still finding a lot of these conversations awkward for me. Learning how to be a dad and all.

"Deder, when are you coming back?" He asked completely ignoring my question.

I shouldn't be surprised, he asks this question every time we speak to each other. And I try my best to give vague answers that seem suitable, but they never are for him. Though I understand, he missed his dad. But until we can figure out what to do about the sacrifice he has to stay there. And who knows how long that will even take.

"Soon, kid. I'll see you real soon." I smiled lightly, but I felt my heart pound with guilt as I watched his face fall. Anger covered his features and he pouted.

"Deder lies to Carter." Before I knew it Carter was out of the screen, handing the phone back to Danielle. Her eyes were focused on what I assume was a retreating Carter, and there was nothing but sadness and empathy in them.

"You need to come get him." She said once her attention was fully on me.

"I can't yet. Crispin just found out about the sacrifice and I can't have him here and it is rubbed in his face."

Danielle sighed, but I knew deep down she understood what I was going through. Soon she'd have a sacrifice of her own.

"I understand Dieter, but, he's sad. Most of the time it's not Carter talking, it's Tatty."

My chest burned as she spoke, the last thing I'd ever want to do was hurt him. This was an impossible situation, with an impossible decision.

"I know--"

"Do you know? I understand you're dealing with sacrifice bullshit, but this is your son you're putting off to the side, you realize that don't you?"

"Don't you think I know?!" I yelled, which not only surprised Danielle but myself as well. I took a deep breath as I felt myself become overthrown by my guilt. "I know, trust me. I've gone over every scenario. But bringing Carter here, in the middle of the shit Crispin and I are dealing with, would make things so much harder for us."

A silence fell over us as my words sunk in. Was I being selfish in this? Possibly. But it was also benefitting Carter as well, even if they didn't see it. I can't bring him here into a hostile environment. Not until Crispin and I can reach an understanding of what to do next. And if that makes me selfish then so be it.

"How much time do you think you need Dieter? I can't keep having this kid cry himself to sleep every night 'cause he thinks his dad doesn't want him anymore." The words were like a knife in my heart.

"We need more time..." My voice trailed, knowing that what I was asking would hurt Carter even more.

"Three more weeks. That's it." Rena grabbed the phone her face stern. She held her irritation openly on her face. I know she loved Carter and would do anything for him but I also understand that he is not her son, and she shouldn't be forced to take care of him for so long.

"Three weeks. I promise." She nodded and muttered a quick 'talk to you later' and hung up the phone. Leaving me alone to sit in my thoughts...that has been taking a turn for the worse.

There's not much for me to do now. All I can do is wait until Crispin is ready to speak to me again.