Chapter 23 Who are you?

Chapter 23 Who are you?

Next morning

I cried all night but the pain didn't go away. Memories of a day spent with Jonathan were spinning around in my head like a movie, like a beautiful dream. I wished I could have it back.

For the first time in my life, I was overjoyed, and for the first time in my life, I felt like my life could be normal.

"No, I'm not going to cry anymore. God wants to break me, but I will prove to him that I am strong, yes." I stood up, wiped away my tears, and stared straight ahead in determination, knowing deep down that it was not going to be easy.

Then, I dashed to the washroom.

I stood in front of the mirror, my gaze fixed on my own face. 'Yesterday, my face was glowing, but today it is pale, my eyes have swollen and turned red from constant crying, and my hair is a disaster.'

Fresh tears began to trickle down my cheeks mechanically as I touched my dry lips and remembered our kisses, which were so pure and filled with love. It was excruciatingly painful for me.

‘No, I won't cry. The pain will eventually fade, so I must be strong. I don't want to make my mother upset because of me, because she has already been through a lot of pain, and if she sees me like this, she'll be upset too. I must remember the people who care about me rather than becoming selfish because of my suffering.’ While I pondered, I wiped my tears away with the palm of my hand.

I brushed my teeth, took a quick shower, and dressed for college. I covered myself in a lot of makeup because I didn't want anyone to find out that I had been sobbing all night.

***

"Is there something you're hiding from me, Mia? You are in pain as evidenced by your heavy makeup and extra happiness.” Even though I wasn't happy, I was trying to act happy, so I spoke a lot, but my Mom figured it out, and I stared at her in disbelief.

Someone correctly stated that you can conceal your suffering from the entire world, but not from your mother.

I composed myself by taking a deep breath, even though I wanted to bury my face in her chest and scream, 'I'm not fine, Mom. I'm completely broken. I lost everything.'

"Mom, I have nothing to hide. I'm fine; it’s just that I’m glad to have you in my life.” She continued to stare at me suspiciously despite my efforts to convince her.

Her eyes glinted with concern as she placed her hand on my face. "If there's anything, feel free to share it with me at any time. You are no longer alone.” She spoke to me while tenderly stroking my cheek with her thumb.

Even though I was in pain, a genuine smile flashed on my face, and I just hugged her. “There is nothing, Mom.”

“I know there is something, Mia.” As she spoke with full confidence, I pulled apart.

"I have to go, Mom. I'm running late for college." I stood up and left after excusing myself because I couldn't lie to her any longer.

***

I walked into the classroom, and I could feel his presence, he was there in the classroom, and I knew where he was sitting, so I went straight to Nora and Amir without even looking at him. I just couldn't face him.

Only I knew how challenging it was to stay away from him and not look at him, but I had to do so because I knew that looking at him would only make my pain worse and I didn't have the strength to endure further suffering.

As if nothing had happened the day before, I conversed with my friends.

After the lecture began, I found it increasingly challenging to sit with him in the same class and to keep my emotions under control.

As my phone beeped, I took it from my bag and saw his name, 'My Vampire,' flashing on the phone's screen. Tears welled up in my eyes because he was no longer mine, and he had never been mine.

My lips quivered and I opened his message while biting my lower lip to refrain from sobbing.

My Vampire: We need to talk, Mia, so please meet me at the college's back entrance. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but this is the last time I want to see you as a friend.

‘Now why does he want to meet me?’ He glanced at me over his shoulder with pleading eyes as I murmured, staring at him dejectedly.

I shook my head, thinking. ‘No, I can’t let him hurt me more. I won’t meet him.’

Me: Jonathan, please, you stay as far away from me as possible because seeing you in class will only make my pain worse. I can't meet you because meeting you will make it harder for me to leave you, and I want to forget you. Please, Jonathan, please leave.

Unknowingly, a tear streamed down my cheek as I sent the message to him.

My Vampire: I’m sorry.

With tears in my eyes, I looked at him one last time after reading his message. He was already staring at me, and I could see guilt in his eyes.

My heart ached because it seemed like I was seeing him for the last time.

***

After a month

He never returned to college after that day. While I had hoped the pain would subside with time, it seemed to be getting worse as the days went by.

I had no idea why I felt such intense love for him.

Every night, I would have a romantic and beautiful dream involving Jonathan, and every morning when I woke up, it made me cry even harder because I knew these dreams would never come true, since he wasn’t mine.

Without him, I felt completely empty, and I yearned for his affection and touch. I prayed that a miracle would take place and that he would return.

Imagining Jonathan with someone else was what hurt me the most. ‘What the two of them would be doing.’ I wanted to fucking end the world every time I thought about this.

Why had God returned his first love when we were so happy together? I was becoming selfish because the pain was killing me from within, and I desperately wanted him back. I never imagined that one day I would yearn for someone like this.

For me, a month without him felt like a year. I was thinking about him all the time, and I was becoming very ill; I was even hospitalised for a few days in the middle of the month.

Even though I appeared to be doing fine on the outside, I was actually not. The only person who knew about my inner suffering and pain, the pain that was killing me from within, was my mother.

She also stopped probing me about that suffering since she knew I didn't want to talk about it with her. She tried several times to cheer me up, but I was neither excited nor happy. I was drowning in the darkness because the pain was engulfing me.

“I beg you, God, to take away my suffering.” I was pleading with God, but I was aware that I would only find comfort in death, so I was indirectly pleading with God to end my life.

I was driving to college as usual, but when someone came in front of me, my eyes widened in horror and I immediately applied the brakes. With the blink of my eyes, the person sat beside me before I could react. He was lightning fast.

‘Is this man a vampire like Jonathan?’ I wondered as I saw him with open-mouthed curiosity.

“Who are you?” He just stared at me without batting an eye as I asked him in a startling tone.