Chapter 7 Lost without him

When I arrived at college the next day, all of the students were gathered on the terrace for the annual party. I was decked in a lovely red gown that reached my knees. My hair was straight, and I kept it open. I wore minimal makeup because I didn't like it.

When I approached Nora and Amir, they both hugged me. We began talking, and thankfully, they did not inquire as to why I had returned home the day before. They went to the dance floor; they asked me as well, but I declined. I was smiling at them as they danced; they looked so good together.

All the students around us vanished as soon as my gaze fell on Jonathan. I could only see him. He looked so dashing in his black coat. I kept staring at him like an idiot, as I always did. He was standing at the corner of the terrace, alone, like always.

A grin appeared on my face as an idea to trap him flashed through my mind. I strode up to him, my lips drawn in a bright smile, and he stared at me, irked, and averted his eyes, as he always did.

‘Oh god, when will the day come when he will look at me with affection in his brown eyes? I’m desperately waiting for that day. I hope it comes soon.’ I wondered, staring at him while he looked around.

Then I pretended to be dizzy, placing my hand on my head, and before I could fall, he rushed to me and caught me, just as I expected. I pretended to be unconscious and fainted in his arms.

He immediately took me in his arms. He was both cold and strong. It felt so good to be in his arms. I felt like this was my long-lost home. I just wanted to pause the time here. He was taking me downstairs, and I didn't care where he was taking me because I was completely lost in his strong arms. I realised I belonged to this after feeling his arms around me.

"I know you're acting, so you can now open your eyes." I came out of my dream world as he said this.

I was bewildered. How did he find out I was acting?

I kept my eyes closed because I was afraid to look into his eyes. Then his next act shocked me even more.

He abruptly left me, and I landed with a thud on the cold floor. I immediately opened my eyes and saw him laughing evilly. I frowned at him, rubbing my buttocks.

'He is a monster, but he looks heavenly handsome while laughing. God! What is the matter with me? He just threw me on the floor, and I lost myself in him. He's a monster, Mia, don't look at him.'

I shifted my gaze away from him and looked at my surroundings. We were in an empty room, and the door was locked.

"Let's finish your following game today. I know what you want from me, and I am all ready to give it to you." He approached me, opening the buttons of his shirt and darkly staring at me with a mischievous smile, and my eyes widened in shock. I wasn’t expecting this from him.

I stood up and marched towards the door without saying anything, but before I could open it, he harshly pinned me against the wall by swiftly grasping my arms, and moved dangerously close to me, his intense gaze fixed on me.

"Now where are you going? Don't act innocent; come on do it." He moved closer to my lips, stealing my breath and quickening my heartbeat due to our proximity.

I won't lie, I wanted to kiss him that time, but I pushed him away and slapped him before our lips could meet. How could he think about me in this way? He assumed I wanted this from him. I felt a flare of anger within me.

"I had no idea you had such a low opinion of me. Jonathan, you are disgusting; I despise you and despise myself for loving you." I bawled at him and dashed out of the room after opening the door.

"What he thinks, by doing this, he will make me believe that he doesn't care about me. He is thinking completely wrong. He thinks he knows everything, but he has no idea that I know everything. I know whatever he's doing to me is all an act; he's portraying himself as a monster, but in reality, I know he's not a bad person; he's hiding pain deep inside him, which I can vividly see in his eyes." I talked to myself after coming out of college.

"I swear to myself that I will make him spit the truth," I said, staring straight in sheer determination.

***

He didn't show up to college the next day. I kept staring at the door, expecting him to come in, but he didn't. He didn't show up to college for the entire next week, and it crushed my heart.

'Did I lose him forever? Is he never going to return? I feel so empty again without him.’

He seemed to have vanished from my life forever. I didn't want to do anything, and I even stopped talking to Nora and Amir. They were always concerned about me, but I wasn't in a state to make them understand my mental state or what I was going through.

Despite their best efforts to uplift me, I couldn't stop wondering about Jonathan. With every day that went by, my restlessness increased. The void in my heart was slowly devouring me from within. I was inconsolable.

He was nothing to me, but I couldn't get him out of my head. Even though he was a stranger, he appeared familiar; I felt so connected to him, and my heart was captivated by him.

"Why did he leave like that?" This question was driving me insane.

"Mia, it's enough; how long will you stay like this, refusing to speak to anyone? You must move on because he will never return, because he never cared about you and was not worthy of your love.” Nora yelled at me, shaking me by clutching my arms, and I looked at her with sorrowful eyes.

"Nora, it's not easy for me to move on. My heart is breaking more and more with each passing day. I feel like he's going far away from me forever, Nora. I'm not sure why, but I have strong feelings for him. I'm madly and deeply in love with him. Maybe one day, without him, my heart will stop beating and I will die." Nora and Amir looked at me in disbelief as I uttered dejectedly. I told them the truth because I was finding it impossible to tolerate the anguish of his separation.

"Stop it, Mia. Don't say anything like that. We are with you and will find him. Just don't give up hope." Amir clasped my hands and reassured me that he would help me in finding him, but I knew it was impossible because we had no information about him. We didn't even know where he lived.

After that day, I stopped going to college and spent the entire day at home in my room, crying silently for hours in agony. With each passing day, the pain became more intense. I was in despair and had no idea what to do. I didn't want our story to end on such a sour note. I wanted him back and to know why he was acting so strangely towards me. What was he getting out of seeing me suffer every day without him?