Opening to her

Ah, hell.

Why did she have to be so damn gorgeous? She snuck a glance at me.

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"What you mean why?" She scrunched her nose. "This should be the other way around. You are caring, sweet, charming even though you can get on my nerves sometimes. And sometimes you annoy me so much that I think I hate you and you pull my..."

I never let her complete the sentence. I raised my upper body, bent my head and took her mouth with mine. The scent of chocolate and coconut swarmed my senses. Her lips fit perfectly to mine, supple and soft. I braced myself for her protest, but she gave a little moan, sinking her fingers into my hair.

In some dim corner of my mind, I knew what I was doing was way wrong. I was leading her on without any promises. But I knew if I didn't kiss her, she'd be the death of me. The taste of chocolate lingered on her tongue along with a honeyed sweetness. My head spun as I became drunk on her, diving in and out of that silky mouth for more. Before things got too heated, which I intended to do, I pulled away reluctantly. She shuddered and softened beneath me. I broke contact and gazed deep into her blue eyes.

"You're so special, you know that?" I rubbed my nose against hers. My voice was hoarse.

"Yup." She grinned back, panting slightly. Her face was flushed and lips were bruised.

"So you'll tell me now?" She questioned me nervously. I stared at her for a long time without blinking.

"No! Really?" She gasped dramatically and grinned. I smiled back. Every muscle in my body stiffened when I thought about the reason.

"Someone from my past has returned." I told her softly. Suddenly I felt like an invisible wall slammed between us.

"And you can't face them?"

"I'm not ready to accept the reality. That person... meant a lot to me. I can't seem to move on. Whenever I try, I feel like giving up already. I am tired of struggling..." I gulped in some much needed air. Talking about her was physically draining. When I looked at Brielly, she was in deep thought. A small scowl plastered her face. She coughed lightly.

"Well..." She rolled her lips inward and pressed them together tightly. After a while she blew out a sigh. "I read it somewhere that in life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is how you choose to react to it and what you make out of it. You know what I mean? I guess Zuriel, it's okay to struggle. After all, life is all about learning and converting all the struggles that we experience into something positive. So whatever you are struggling with, just remember it was a bad time in your life and it will end soon. I don't know much about it but I have faith in you. Just wait for the happy ending." She beamed proudly and I scoffed.

"In reality everything is fake, Brielle. Nobody cares about you until you die. Even then, they don't give a fuck. There are no happy endings." I kept my voice firm.

"In love there is." She added, determined.

"Love is most overused concept in life." A humorless laugh escaped from my lips.

"Why are you so against love?" Her temper flared. That remark earned her a chilling look.

"Have you ever been in love?" I questioned her.

"I..." She appeared nervous.

"It's a horrible feeling. It makes you so vulnerable." I closed my eyes remembering the quote she once recited to me by Neil Gaiman. I thought about all the times we spent together.

All the days we wasted getting to know each other.

All the years I spent with my eyes closed.

If she said it was raining cats and dogs, I believed her blindly.

"It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

When she read it to me, I laughed thinking this Neil guy had no clue how it felt to be in love. However, years later, this was the closest thing that portrayed how I felt. I was never good with emotions, especially describing them but this quote summarized what love did to me.

Normal people talked about all sort of romantic shit when they laid under stars and then you had us. A chill raced down my spine when I realized I opened up to her. I shared my feelings with her. I let my guard down and practically babbled about how I felt about Carly. The questions whirled through my mind and made no sense. For some reason, I felt relieved sharing this with her. When I noticed she hadn't replied me back, I looked at her. She was looking straight ahead with a frown. I braced myself for disdain, shock or even sympathy. But she shocked me by saying something I wasn't expecting.

"Wow, she was a bitch." Sheer rage swept over her face. I remained silent.

She was!

"How do you know it's a she?" I questioned her, teasing lightly. Her blue orbs gazed at my face and she smirked.

"I hope it's a she." She took a ragged breath and her body shuddered.

"It is a she." I informed her.

"And what is this 'she's' name?"

"Carly" I whispered her name out bitterly.

"You... loved her?" She looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"I don't know ." I replied, honestly. I heard a sharp intake.