Chapter 25 Pained
“I’ll just share with Danielle and Jenna.” Elaine stood up from where she sat. Should she brought one for herself? Stupid of her, she did not know. She was about to walk towards Danielle and Jenna’s tent when Tan stopped her and held her hand – which he immediately let go.
“Just look how small their tent is. Their bags alone would take up all the space in the tent,” he said, pointing to Danielle’s tent which was a few meters away from where they were.
He’s right, Elaine agreed quietly. Danielle brought a lot. She hired three porters to carry their baggage up the mountain. These apart from what Jenna, brought along with her.
Many different things occupied Elaine’s thoughts these past few days. Bringing a tent slipped her mind altogether and she just packed a few hours before the trip. What would she do now? Sleep outside than try to fit herself with Danielle and Jenna?
Elaine shivered from the cold that suddenly overcame her as the wind blew.
Tan sighed seeing her hugged herself. He took something from his bag and threw it at her. A blanket,
“Wait here. I’ll pitch the tent.”
TAN placed the camping pillow beside Elaine when they got inside the tent. It was a four-person dome tent made with high-density nylon mesh. Even the self-inflating sleeping pad that he brought was insulated.
Elaine breathed deep. She held on to Tan’s blanket that’s on her shoulder. Now she felt grateful for not being herself these past few days. Because of that, she now has the chance to sleep beside Tan.
Aside from their group, there are other campers. The view, sceneries, pine trees, and the flowers they’ve passed by on the way to the campsite-they were already breathtaking. But according to the guide, this wouldn’t compare to the summit-which they will ascend later at dawn at three in the morning.
“Change your clothes later. There is a comfort room over there.” Tan gave her the spare flashlight he brought.
Elaine didn’t plan on changing her clothes. She would just layer it with two jackets so she can manage the cold.
She was watching Tan zipping his bag. The tent was good for four but it suddenly felt smaller with his presence.
“Tan, about the pictures…”
“I’ve clearly told you. I’m not interested in your reasons. Especially if you would just be saying more lies,” he cut her off. “I’ll call you when the food is ready,” he added and left.
Would she really lie had he decided to listen to what she had to say? She closed her eyes. Perhaps… because everything she did before, had something to do with her mother.
Danielle peeped in the opened tent door. “Busy?”
She shook her head and smiled. Danielle sat beside her. She was getting awkward with the silence so she started to open her mouth to speak.
“Aren’t you going to ask me why I left?”
Danielle shook her head.
“Nah. If you want to and you’re ready to tell the story, our whole clan would’ve known the truth. For now, I’m just thankful you came back. Thank you for helping us with Textile… You know, Tan was shattered when you left. He was never the same,” Danielle added.
She felt the punch of guilt in her chest even more that she was unable to respond. Tan trusted her then. He kept putting her first no matter the weather. He was disheartened. He was scarred when she left him.
It took her three years to come back. Now, she was having a hard time breaking down the walls he has put up between them.
“I know you’re anxious about Janine. I think Janine’s a smart lady who knows her place. So cheer up, since I picked you up from the terminal, you’re feeling down. I’m not used to it.”
“I’m just tired,”
“Tired? When did Elaine Martinez ever get tired? Anyway, to cheer you up and so you don’t get reprimanded by my surly cousin, I’ll just lend you my sleeping bag. Wait here, I’ll get it for you.”
Danielle was already out of the tent when she suddenly came back. There was a sheepish grin on her lips as she spoke. “On second thought, the sleeping bag won’t be of any help,” She winked at her and then left.
Somehow Elaine felt better knowing that aside from Drew, there was another person who understood her.
Sure, she believes the truth would set her free. But sometimes, it’s hard to tell the truth, especially when it is your happiness on the line.
“She’s a smart lady. She knows her place.”
Danielle is right. More than anyone else, she knows that Janine knows where her rightful place is. Sadly, that is the place she recklessly took away from her.
She was still in that position when she heard incoming footsteps. They weren’t Tan’s.
“Hi. Are you okay here?” asked Richard who was smiling sweetly at her. If she remembers correctly, he is Jenna’s suitor.
“Thank you for asking. I’m okay,” she replied.
The guy sat on the camp chair facing her. She felt conscious when he stared at her face. “Cold?”
She smiled half-heartedly. “A little.”
“It will be much colder later at dawn.”
“So they say.”
“Danielle told us about you last week. She’s always talking about you. She said you saved her life once. I got curious. I looked you up on Facebook.”
Those were all in the past. She can’t even defend herself now. She bitterly smiled. A lot has changed ever since she left Tan.
“You don’t have recent posts. The last one was four years ago,” Richard continued. “ But to be honest, your beauty hasn’t changed. I got starstruck while shaking your hand a while ago. You don’t look like a married person.”
If it was flattery or compliment, Elaine couldn’t tell. But even when it was dark in Richard’s position. She still feels she is being run over by his eyes-checking her out.
“You don’t believe me, do you? Seriously, you are so beautiful-“
She opened her mouth when someone coughed to clear a throat.
“Bailey is looking for you,” said Tan in a formal voice. He had his flashlight intentionally focused on Richard’s face.
Richard stood up. He wasn’t expecting Tan to come out of anywhere. He used his arm to block the light that is still hitting his face from Tan’s flashlight. “I better go. Thanks for your time, Elaine,” he said as he hurriedly turned around to go back to the group.
Tan followed him with his gaze before looking back at her.
” It’s time to eat.”
She immediately came out of the tent when Tan went ahead and left. She shivered when the cold air enveloped her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest.
Tan turned to look at her. He let out a sigh of disappointment when he saw that what she was wearing still wasn’t enough to fight the cold of the mountain.
“They brought alcohol. Don’t you dare drink, Elaine. You have no idea how you are when drunk. I’m not going to babysit you again. If you get drunk, I’ll let you sleep outside,” he said in a serious voice.
Elaine shut her mouth. Babysit again? She doesn’t remember anything else aside from him being mean to her.
Until a while ago.
Tan carried her bag, didn’t speak a word, but lets her take a break while hiking up the mountain. And even though she feels he is avoiding her, Tan let her share his tent. All those things were enough to somehow keep her hopes up.
Primo, gave her a camping chair. She thanked him before sitting down. They were eating facing each other on camping tables they put side by side. Danielle sat on her right while Tan sat on her left side.
Elaine was happy though she was trying her best not to show it. Her dream of sharing a meal with Tan finally happened in Mt. Pulag.
Tan was quiet while eating and she was observing him quietly.
“And before we all retire for the night…” Richard opened the whiskey he took out of his backpack. They were done eating and were just cleaning up the mess.
She declined when Richard reached for her glass to put some whiskey in it. She had to listen to Tan if she didn’t want to die of hypothermia before dawn.
She caught Richard taking a glimpse at Tan who was staring at him as well. Richard shrugged and just sat on his chair.
Elaine tightly clasped her hands. They were getting numb to the cold even with the woven gloves she has on.
With just a few shots, Richard seemed intoxicated. He was getting talkative. His voice seemed to be the only sound heard on the mountains. She was his target to pick on.
“So how did you save Danielle? With that tiny sexy body of yours…”
“It just happened…”
Tan picked up his glass of whiskey. It was his third glass. When she met him five years ago in the restaurant where she worked, he didn’t even touch his whiskey.
After five years, Tan was now an occasional drinker. He was usually with his twin, Sean, whenever he goes out drinking.
“Elaine…” Richard called again. He has been eyeing her from head to chest since she’s still seated in the camping chair. “You…you don’t look like you had one, but do you have a child already?”
Elaine looked at Tan, his facial muscles are moving. He raised his glass to his mouth and drank everything in one gulp. She swallowed, looked down and held tightly on the hem of the jacket she was wearing.
Danielle cleared her throat. She was throwing dagger looks towards her friend. “Let’s call it a night after this bottle. It’s getting late. We have to be early tomorrow. Don’t forget to set your alarms. Wake up on your own, alright?”
One by one everyone took their leave.
It was just Tan and her that’s left. Elaine couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say.
“Go ahead, get inside,” Tan said.
She immediately stood and left.
Inside the tent, Elaine laid down. She brought the blanket over her head, covering her whole body. She put her earphones on and tightly shut her eyes. Halfway through the first song, her tears fell.
She had been on life’s unceasing roller-coaster ride. Almost half of her life, she had been asking herself, what did she do wrong for her to experience all the pain? Why does it feel like when it comes to pain, everything just comes to her?
Elaine lost the man who would have never given up on her. She lost everything she once dreamt of having… no matter what alcohol or pain killer she took, the pain wouldn’t diminish.
She remembered how hard she prayed to make her pain go away, but even that didn’t dull the pain. She would still end up blaming herself.
She hurriedly turned sideways her back against the tent door when she heard Tan’s footsteps coming. With her eyes closed, she used her hands to wipe the tears on her cheeks.
In just a while, she heard the tent open. When Tan entered, the tent suddenly felt crowded even though it really was spacious.
She heard him breathe deeply. She stayed lying still despite wanting to ball up her body due to the cold.
“Tan…” called Danielle from the outside.
Tan opened the tent and went out to his cousin.
“Are you all right?” Danielle asked. When Tan didn’t answer… “I took your sleeping bag. Jenna was not feeling well, she didn’t have anything to use.”
Jenna seemed fine until a while ago when they were drinking. That was just part of Danielle’s silly plan, Elaine thought. She sighed.
“You guys will be okay, right? Is Elaine asleep?”
“Stop worrying about us. Go back to your tent and sleep,” Tan replied.
When Danielle left, she felt Tan lie down next to her. Not touching her, but she could feel the heat emanating from his body, warming her up with the cold she feels.
A few moments more, she could hear Tan’s soft and steady breathing. She bent and hugged herself. She cannot sleep again.
Minutes passed, Elaine stirred. She needs to pee. She looked for the flashlight, and carefully went out.
The CR was situated far from their tent. She thought twice to wake Danielle to ask to accompany her.
The surrounding was quiet. Until she passed by one tent. Instead of snoring, over-exaggerated moans and groans were heard.
She shook her head. Continued walking in the dark towards the CR. She was almost there when someone spoke behind her.
“Aren’t you envious?”
Elaine turned. She was shocked to find Richard. Like her, he too had brought a flashlight. He pointed it to her face and run down her body.
“Are you also going to the CR?” she asked
“I’m talking about those people inside that damn tent. Aren’t you envious? I’m alone in my tent, we can do the same thing there.”
Richard walked.
She involuntarily closed her eyes when he walked past her. But she was taken aback when all of a sudden he hugged her from behind. She dropped the flashlight she was holding. Her plan to shout at the top of her lungs was caught when she felt her body shaking.
She caught her breath. She could feel her heart pounding fast. Instead of using her hands to free herself from Richard, she clutched her chest.Her vision was spinning and she started hyperventilating.
She was going to die.
She fell on her knees when Richard let go of her. He didn’t expect what had happened. Though it was cold in Mt. Pulag, sweat was pouring out of Elaine's body.
Though her vision was blurry, she saw Tan emerge in front of her. After he threw her a worried look, he lifted his head. His murderous glare pinned Richard who stepped back...
