Only Thank you

WHEN TOMORROW CAME, I was wide awake and the color black is the one who can see by my eyes. When Cedrick said that he would reck me, he really did. He fucked me.

We fucked the night away.

It was four o'clock when we finished and I didn't even bother to sleep. I entered the university tired and not finished reviewing. The weight is not only my body but also my chest. Its pain.

I couldn't turn around. I couldn't do it because I was afraid Trevor and I would look at each other. He is there. Sitting not next to me again. He made himself sat away from me. I know at this time he hates me. And I can't blame him for that.

When I saw him earlier. I want to hug him and say sorry even though we don't have a relationship. He doesn't look at me and he's very sad now. He is very sad now... like me.

After the exam... I don't know if I was able to pass it. If I did reach the passing score. But I hope... Yes... Please... I will pass, won't I?

When going home. I lazily left the classroom.

Now, I'm alone. I didn't have anyone with me unlike before Trevor's arm was wrapped around mine. No, he went out first. And there is no intention of waiting for me.

While walking quietly on the side walk, suddenly someone called my name from the side so I stopped. I heard the familiar voice called me.

"Sherin." So I managed to look at the direction.

And unexpectedly, the voice comes from... Trevor.

I blinked. Yes, he's Trevor.

My throat went dry and started to step back slowly. "Sherin..." Trevor called me again but I turned and walked quickly away but he chased after me.

"Sherin, let's talk." Trevor said emphatically and reached for my wrist.

Sadness and guilt rose in my chest. "What else are we going to talk about Trevor?!" I tried to get angry so that he would feel the same about me. This is no longer possible. We can't anymore. This is wrong. He needs to forget me.

"You love me. Don't you?" My heart clenched when I heard those words. Yes. God. I wanted to answer him yes. But we shouldn't have heard it. I don't want to build the remaining hope in his heart.

"I know you know what happened with us last night..." I tried to be numb from the pain.

"And you think I know something there?!" My world was rocked by what he said. "Fuck. Sherin. I need your answer. That's all Sherin. Please."

I washed my face. "Trevor, please? Don't act like you don't know. Like you don't know anything. Like you're not mad at me right now!"

Pain flashed in his eyes. "I am hurt Sherin, I admit it. But I don't need that and you won't stop me unless... You answer my question." His voice was calm but full of sadness.

"Is that all?" I raised my right eyebrow and pretended to be brave in front of him now but in truth... I was weak. I feel weak seeing him like this. His uniform is still tangled and I'm sure he didn't iron it. His eyes are also slightly narrowed now, I know he cried a lot last night.

Tears rolled down the sides of my eyes. "I do not love you." I sighed. "I never loved you."

"I do not believe." He didn't waste a second. I knew I couldn't handle what was going to happen next if I didn't leave so I turned my back on him again. "Sherin, you love me! I can see you! I can feel it!" My heart cracked when Trevor cried from behind. "And what I can't understand! Why did you imprison that animal man?!

Why are you letting him touch you?! Why are you coming home to him?!" I was crushed by each of his questions.

My knees were also getting weak and I was unable to continue walking. It was as if my feet were nailed to the road.

"Sherin please!? Please my sweetheart. Please! Just tell me you love me and I'll stop you. I'll be quiet." He cried with every word.

I faced him, crying. And my heart just turned when our eyes were surprised.

I dropped my bag after washing my face with my hand and sighed, very heavily.

"Tangina. Trevor, yes! Yes! I loved you and I can still feel it! I want to be with you! I want to talk to you! I want to hug you! And I want to spend time with you!" I cried.

"But you can't, man! You have to love someone else and that's not me! I'm so dirty Trevor. I'm so dirty!" I was crying with my shoulders on the ground.

"Why? Because you and that Cedrick where fuck buddies. And not cousins like what you had told me before..." My eyes widened at what he said. I knew he heard my moans, his moans, but I never told him that it was Cedrick.

And Cedrick's voice was not in his usual voice last night since he was drunk. How then he concluded that it was Cedrick.

"You know Cedrick?" My time seems to have stopped.

She started crying again and slowly looked down, avoiding my eyes. "Sherin... It was just the first. It was from the beginning when we both met. I cannot remember if that was the first day we had met or it was the second." He inhaled.

He remained confused by what he was saying. "On my way to university, a shaking car called my attention. So I looked at it. And horrifyingly... I... I saw you in his car. He was sitting on the shotgun seat... while you were sitting on his lap, facing each other. You guys were f-fucking..." He looked up.

"Did you hear anything from me Sherin?"

I slapped Trevor hard. My palm throbbed. I know what he said. I still remember what he said.

I was breathing ferociously. "Tangina you know why you didn't stay away from me!? Why didn't you stay away Trevor!? Why did you let us get so close!?" My tears kept flowing.

Trevor raised his face that was facing the ground as a result of my slap. He shook his head probably in disbelief, mad at my actions. "Bullshit. Why do you think I would do that? Fuck. Sherin. First of all, I know that my injury to you will not heal. I know that I will not be able to avoid the cupid's arrow that. I know I will fall deeply for you. Because you know? It's hard for you to refuse, e. It's hard not to like you." My heart wants to beat very fast for him but I'm full of regret. He shouldn't be offering this to me. I shouldn't be.

"Just look at me folding, eh. Just smile at me and I'm really giving up. And... add to that your angelic laugh... I'm dead, Sherin. Why can't you see that in yourself?" He sighed. "All men in the campus were looking at you. They're attracted to you as what I am. And I know you can't see it. If you only got into realizing how attracted you are, how loveable you are then you will understand why I cannot refuse you, why I cannot unlove you." He shook his head and was now staring into my eyes.

"Are you dirty? Is that matter? All I need is you. Really been you. What I want is to love you... Despite all your flaws. I could accept you on who you really are. I love you and you love me. .. That's what matters." With that, our dramatic moment ended.

Trevor and I have already talked and I have told him everything about my biography. I feel weightless. I told the reason why I was at Cedrick's house. So he offered me to move to his condo but I didn't agree. I had already made my promise to Cedrick. So I didn't tie ties with Trevor yet.

We don't have a relationship yet. But because he accepted me for who I am... I only fell in love with him even more.

SIX YEARS PASSED, I finally graduated to Law school. My life was going well. It's quiet like before. I was still residing at Cedrick's mansion. We barely used to have sex.

Cedrick has completely changed. Well in fact, he only needs to have a little bit self changed since I admit that he was good and kind from the very start.

Anyway, he is a good person. Even more so now and it looks like he has completely gotten over Elise. Since the night he ordered me to apologize... He has become soft towards me. He was so soft and tender and gentle when it came to treating me. He doesn't shout at all. He was always calm. He now helps me with my studies.

And if I'm going to count the years, it was four years since we had our last sex. He never fucked me since then.

So Trevor and I's relationship flowed well. In fact, just yesterday I agreed to make our relationship official. Since I'm almost done with law school, I'll be free. I will be free from everything. I am free to love him.

I was smiling very sweetly while tying my neck tie when suddenly someone knocked on my bedroom door. I throw a glance at it. And then looked back at the mirror again. "It's tomorrow!" I shouted so that the person outside could hear.

I heard the door open. "I cooked breakfast." It was Cedrick's voice.

I didn't look at him and my eyes stayed only on the mirror, examining myself. When I saw that he was fine, I just looked at him. "I'll follow." I smiled at him.

Cedrick also smiled at me. And there's something behind his smile. It was not his usual. It is not genuine. It has sorrows. "Do you want me to pack you lunch?" He asked gently.

I shook my head. "Nah. I'll just eat at the cafeteria." I will eat at the university. Where... Trevor and I were together... That we were both being swallowed.

"Alright." Cedrick and the door to my room were closed.

I arrived at the university by car and as always... Trevor met me at the gate. I know we are too old for this chapter but... When I saw him... I ran fast and happy towards him to embrace his hugs. I smiled widely as I hugged him. "I love receiving good morning hugs, good afternoon hugs, and I know sooner... good night hugs from my girlfriend." Trevor said softly to me. Girlfriend. It repeated in my eardrums. It's delicious and sweet to listen to.

"Well, I am too." I answered and kissed him on the cheek.

His face turned red. Excited. "So..." He was biting the inside of his cheeks. "When will you move in to my condo?" He asked. He hugged me even tighter now. "I am excited to live with you in one roof, to share a toothbrush, to have you in the same bed, to watch television in deep mid ight with you, and to wake up next to you." He has already planned what we will do.

I couldn't help but smile widely. "Tonight. I'm moving in with you. I'll just say goodbye to —"

"Cedrick's?" He cut off what I was going to say.

I laughed. "Nah, to Aling Marta. Cedrick's helper. She's like my mother." I said.

Trevor nodded. "So let's go? I will accompany you to your room." I immediately agreed to his offer. We are not blockmates anymore.

Since we're both in law school, I was more focused on corporate law while him... He took his focus more on criminal laws.

I am happy that little by little we will reach our dreams.

We will stay here for just one more Sunday and we will wear black gowns again. Will face the big and expensive offer of the world. I am more than successful.

As soon as I got to Cedrick's mansion, I packed all my things. I only brought my clothes because I didn't own anything there. Just your clothes because I know no one will benefit from them and no one will probably plan to wear them.

Everything there was from Cedrick's money.

I picked up my bag with my right hand, Trevor's car was waiting for me outside. Just a while ago I just finished saying goodbye to Aling Marta and we were still crying so now I'm still wiping my tears.

When I came out of the door of my room, Cedrick, who was now in a bag, appeared to me. I couldn't see any emotions on his face. I don't know if he's sad that I'm leaving and I'm disgusted with myself because I'll admit that I'm a little sad because I'm leaving him... that we're going to be apart.

Because I admit, I also fell in love with him for the past six years. He was my first love who made me love that deeply. Maybe if Trevor hadn't come into my life, I would have been until now... I'm still buried because I fell deeply into Cedrick's abyss.

I shrugged while staring at his face.

"Maybe? Thank you for everything," That was all I said before passing him but before I could leave he called me.

"Sherin..." Cedrick called me so I slowly faced him. I better just raise my right eyebrow and not waste any more saliva for him.

I heard him sigh so deep, damn deep, horrifyingly deep. It sends goosebumps. Until he finally made himself talk. "Did..." He pauses for a second to examine my reaction. "Did what?"

"Did you even fall in love with me before?" He asked, and I don't know if it's hope that I saw in his eyes. And if it's true, I don't want to pay attention to it anymore.

I still laughed weakly. "I know you knew I wanted you before." My chest warmed with pain when I remembered the events of the first time I came to his house.

"I didn't."

shook my head and couldn't believe it.

"Didn't, huh?" I was still shaking my head. "The way you used to think of me... A woman you want out of lust. I'm poor, I'm dirty, I'm abandoned, I'm weak compared to Elise. She's rich, educated, and most of all beautiful. What do I have to do with that, right? You said it... It came from you... I won't try to fall for you anymore, because we both know, you don't care." I stopped for a moment to breathe in.

"But I tried, fell... And... You also taught me to forget those useless feelings. So thank you... You let me find myself to Trevor. And... aside from my diploma now, that's one of the best things you've done in my life, Cedrick." After saying that, I hurried to leave, wiping a tear that escapes from my eye.