Chapter 37

How always sweats and bad dreams invade me, my breath is agitated and I can only suffer and see how he allows it, he leaves me alone. I want to reach him but I can't.

"Sweet ... honey" hearing his voice brings me closer to him, every time I feel closer, but even so I cannot touch him, I cannot hug him. When I am very close to reaching his arms they stop me and drag me away from him, guiding me directly to the pain, “calm baby,” I feel like they pressure me hard. I want to run away, I want to stop suffering but I can't. “Marilí,” hearing that cry exalts me so I open my eyes and feel like I'm upset.

My breathing is heavy and very difficult to control, my heart burns in my chest because of how fast it beats. Looking at his dark eyes resting on me, feeling him hug me in protection mode makes me close my eyes again and enjoy what I need, “what's happening? What are those dreams?” He asks me with his hoarse voice.

"Nothing ... It's nothing," I whispered, "just hug me, that's all," he does, tightens his hug.

"Don't say it's nothing, you always wake up like this. You think I don't realize it, but the truth is that I find out about your nightmares,” without wanting to talk I hug him more.

"I don't want to talk, I just want to feel you," I say without looking at him. He allows me to hug him.

“I should tell you to fuck off, but for now I won't,” he separates me from him, his expression tells me that he's bad from being drunk, “don't think you're going to save yourself from telling me what the hell is wrong with you, I’m not the one you're going to lie to."

Shutting his mouth with a kiss, I smile, "I'm the one who should be angry here," I separate from his lips, his hands caress my body causing to gasp.

"Did I make love to you last night?" His question angers me. Don't he remember anything?

"Yes, you made me so hard it hurts" I say sarcastically, I see him smile proudly and I roll my eyes.

“I want to do it to you again,” he lies down and leans on me, “maybe this will help me with the discomfort I have.” Incredulous at what I'm witnessing, I don't know whether to hit him or let me be seduced by him. I miss him too much.

"I don't think this is a good idea, you will feel bad…" He kisses me which silences me. Feeling his body brush against mine turns me on immediately, making me forget the bad. His erection making its way between my legs makes me gasp, "Aaahhh Kahin ... stop ..." I ask him in the middle of a moan when I feel how he invades my sex.

“Don't resist, I need you,” he looks me in the eyes, “no doubt, nobody is the same as you.”

Those simple words from him become very significant for me, “did you sleep with that damn pediatrician?" I pull out and roll to get him off me. I get up in a hurry, “you are a fucking moron. But what did I think?” I ask him what I should ask myself, “I hate when I'm so weak.”

He growled, “baby, what are you talking about?”

I furiously pick up the pillow that was on the floor and throw it on his face, "I don't want to talk to you, find one you can enjoy, but don't be comparing them to me. Idiot!” When I see him standing, I go to the bathroom and close the door, I look in the mirror and call myself stupid over and over again, “how can I get carried away so easily? How can I be so weak to him? Fuck Marilí he walked a woman right under your nose, he fucked her and they pretended to be a happy couple ... Wake up ... This can't be fixed, he doesn't have it, he doesn't want you in his life.”

When I finished saying all the truths to my face in front of the mirror, I decide to brush my teeth and then take a quick shower before my son soon asks for food. Being ready, I leave the room to go to Lucy's. Kahin apparently remembered what he did, he did not wait for me to come out of the bathroom to try to fuck me. I open the door and see neither Lucy nor my son. I go straight to the dining room and there they are.

"Good morning" she greets me with her beautiful smile "I got hungry and I took advantage of the fact that the baby was calm."

I smile taking my son from her arms, “good morning," I answer and then give my baby a kiss “my child takes good care of his aunt, I like that,” my baby does not stop looking for my breast which I give him immediately, “you are a glutton baby,” I caress his cheeks.

"Everything okay?" Lucelia sets a plate of toast in front of me. "Is he still asleep?"

I shake my head and twist my face, “no, he's already awake, unless he's gone to the room he used to get away from me on angry days,” I sigh, “I can't believe we're doing this to ourselves. Just when I told him I loved him, he was asleep and now he apparently doesn't remember anything he did yesterday,” I look at my baby so as not to get carried away by frustration.

"Did you tell him about the stupidity he did with the pediatrician?"

I shook my head, “no ... And apparently he slept with her on more than one occasion."

She frowned annoyed, “he's an animal, a beast," she growls.

"It's too early and I have a bad headache yet you're insulting me. You already gave me my dose so leave me alone,” Kahin approaches me to give my son a kiss and incidentally bite my tit and pass his tongue to my neck where he places a kiss.

"Stay away from me," I warn him, "don't think …”

"Begging her like you did yesterday will earn her forgiveness," Lucy interrupts laughing, "oh brother ... How you humiliated yourself in front of the woman you love, but that's the way it should be. What you have done is unforgivable.” I look at that crazy person incredulously, what is she saying?