Chapter 48

"Yes, he's already in," Lucelia answers, I can't even speak. The minutes pass and with it come the hours, they are taking longer than they should, I feel like an eternity is passing by.

“This is not normal, they are taking a long time,” I move nervously and the urge to vomit stresses me more.

"He hasn't been inside for half an hour," Fatima replies, laughing, I look at her strangely, I've felt that it's hours, “you should calm down, I can hear how fast your heart beats,” I don't smile, I don't say anything else, the nerves and the concern have me tensed. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to go get him.

"Here he comes," Lucelia squeals, getting up and walking towards him. My sun smiles with that happiness that characterizes it, my eyes flood with tears.

"Wonder you know that only one person can enter. Will you accompany me?” Gulping and ignoring how fast my heart beats, I look at him.

"Are you sure about this Fran?" Fatima asked and he looks at and nods.

"She wouldn't leave me alone and you know it," my friend nods. He kisses Lucelia on the lips this time and looks into her eyes for a few seconds, then he sighs deeply and holds out his hand to me. Without thinking I take it and press it hard, he guides me to the office where the doctor was already waiting for us.

“Good Morning, please sit down,” the doctor invites us in, my heart is beating so fast that my chest feels empty, “well Francesco,” the doctor looks at him, “I suppose you were already aware, after all this is the last exam they send to start a treatment.”

Hearing that takes my breath away and tears leap from my eyes, I look at him hurt, “have you lied to me?" I ask devastated, “you had told me that the last exams had gone well Francesco and it was not like that, you knew it,” he lowers his eyes and says nothing, he looked at the doctor, “at what level is he?” I'm just asking the question that I didn't want to ask.

"In a very advanced one," the doctor answers without going into details. I put my hands to my mouth and I gasp in pain, “if he accepts the treatment it is to prolong his life a little longer, but from this stage there is no return,” all I have to do is hear that to start crying heartily.

"You must accept the treatment, you must ...!" I implore him, but he said nothing.

"Thank you very much doctor," he stands up and holds out his hand to the man, “thank you for doing me the favor." I look at him incredulously. "Wonder we must go, darling," he walks a few steps and I get up to stop him.

"Doctor, please tell him that he should start the treatment, tell him please!" Francesco pulls me and forcibly takes me out of the office, “you lied to me! You told me that everything would be fine and now you bring me here for a doctor to tell me what you haven't had the courage to tell me,” the tears don't stop falling, I hit his chest, he lied to me.

“Love, calm down,” he embrace me tightly, “you shouldn't have stayed with me, you shouldn't have promised me that you would never leave me, you should have turned away from me when I asked you,” his voice is very bitter, “forgive me for lying to you but I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to see you in this state. I hate to see you suffer and you know it,” I hug him tighter, “don't say anything to Lucelia or anyone,” I look at him with a frown, “please wonder, I'm just asking for time. I'll talk to her, please,” angry with the world for what is happening to him I turn away from him and walk without waiting for him.

The girls get up when they see me but I don't stop, I go my way. When I get to the parking lot, I get in my car and get out of there. Without knowing where to go, I arrive at the Cinta Costera, I walk for a few hours thinking about how stupid my sun is being, thinking that he is willing to refuse treatment to prolong his life. Sitting on one of the benches I look at the sea and I enjoy the breeze that caresses my face, I wipe my tears immediately, I don't want to cry, but it's impossible for me.

After a couple of hours I decide to go to my mother's house, my son needs me and to be honest he is the only being on earth who can keep me on my feet. The road seems eternal, the traffic does not bother me, I enjoyed the silence of the car, the windows are up, the air conditioning high and the music turned off. My life is nothing but the devil's ass, there are only problems, arguments and pain. Kahin and I were fine being separated, I was fine in Italy. My sun wants to kill himself, he wants to end his life and it is my turn to support something that destroys me.

“Look my dear, mom has arrived,” my mother who plays with my son lost her smile when she sees my face. She lays my son in the rocking chair and focuses on me, “what happened?”

Tired of the disturbance in my personal life, I burst into tears, “what happened? No mom, the question here is what has not happened? I thought I had overcome the rape, I thought that it wouldn't hurt me anymore, but no, always, every day, in every damn dream I have I see how they hurt me, I see how they abuse me,” Carla who comes out of the kitchen carried my son in her arms and takes him away, “and as if that weren't enough, I see the man I love looking at how they hurt me and he just stands there, looking at me with disgust and walking away every time I try to get close to him.

And when at last I succeed, he turns his back on me and goes with another woman and leaves me alone as he left me those 10 months. I don't know who I am anymore, my husband doesn't recognize me and I don't know myself. We were supposed to complement each other, when he lost control I was there to calm him down and take the party in peace. But what happens now? It's me who loses control, it's me who doesn't know how to do things. I'm lost and I don't know how to get back, I don't know how to be the one I was before. And as if that wasn't enough, I'm losing Kahin, I'm separating my family, mamma. We're losing everything, now my sun,” I groan for the pain that my heart feels, “I am going to lose him too for my whole life, I am going to lose my friend, my confidante. I am going to lose one of my most important people life and I can't do anything. But what can I do if I can't even do it for myself?” The sob behind me makes me turn, there was Lucelia, she heard what she is suppose to hear from Francesco's mouth.

"Love, " I hear Francesco's voice. Was everyone here?

"You lied to me, you're going to die and you wouldn't tell me? Why wouldn't you tell me?" My sun looks at me out of position, I close my eyes and think about how stupid I am, now I'm just ruining things. My stomach turns and I run to the bathroom, unable to get there, I vomit on the floor. I hadn't eaten anything so I vomited bile, when I leave after cleaning, I find the house full, everyone is here. Randon looks at me and without saying anything he hugs me, starting to cry again, I reciprocate my friend's hug.

"Everything will be fine precious, everything will be fine." I'd like to believe what Randon says, but nothing will be fine.

We are all silent in the room, Lucelia is bad and my sun is worse. The knocks on the door get everyone's attention, Malcolm gets up to answer.

"Easy son of a bitch," Malcolm gets in Kahin's way.

“Don't tell me that,” he searched the place, luckily Carla left the house with my son, Kahin is the devil right now. By visualizing his goal, he point to it, “what have you done to my sister? Why has she called me crying to come for her?”

"Beast calm down," Lucelia stands up, but he doesn't listen to reasons.

"Friend I can explain ..." Francesco began but he couldn’t finish what he was saying as Kahin got away from Malcolm and punches him in the face.

Worried, I run towards him, “no no Kahin, don't hit him in the face, not there please,” when he is going to throw another blow, I stand in front of him and close my eyes to receive the punch myself, but Francesco pushes me away taking it this time on the head. I see him fall to the floor almost unconscious, “you have hurt him!” I shout looking at Kahin, “not everything is fixed with blows Kahin, things are first asked,” out of nowhere I remember those days when I calmed him with things logical, “she could have called you to go to the hospital or something else, damn it!” I kneel next to my sun, “are you okay? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” I see him close his eyes tightly.