Chapter 51

"Good morning Marilí" I smile at her welcome, “how have you been?"

I go to my seat, “certainly much better than how I was the first time I entered here."

The doctor takes a seat, “how are those dreams?"

My smile remains, "I'm trying to cope." My eyes crystallize but I try not to cry.

"Come on tell me, that's what I'm here for."

Sighing and thinking that this is what I need, I look at her, “things at home with my partner are not good and that doesn't help me at all, I feel like my dreams are coming true, at least the part where he moves away from me. Two weeks have passed since I made the decision to seek help, Kahin is more distant than ever, he still does not know about my pregnancy, he is not treating me well, I have given him time but I no longer think I can handle this.”

"Have you talked to your husband?"

I shake my head, “things are so bad that we don't talk.”

The doctor takes note, “do you think you can bring him to the next session?"

I laugh as if she had made a joke, “believe me when I tell you that he won’t come, nor would I jokingly do that."

The doctor nods, “how do you feel knowing you don't have that support from him?"

My heart aches, “I feel very bad,” the tears run down my cheeks, “it hurts to see him so distant, I feel that only by talking to him I can solve all this that happens to me. But how to do it if he refuses?” The woman stares at me, “the whole situation of my pregnancy, my friend's illness and the distance from my partner are overtaking me, I feel like I can't take it anymore, but my son is there, because of him I keep going, because of him I don't give up,” I vent as I always do in sessions.

“You are doing very well Marilí,” the doctor smiles after listening to me carefully, “you have been coming to consult for only 2 weeks and I notice you differently and that is good, to heal you have to talk, let go of everything that hurts and your disposition and strength are in you helping a lot, You have told me that you have the support of his family and friends, take advantage of that and put into practice these improvements that you have and if at any moment you feel that you are lost do not forget that meditating and thinking all things in detail can be solved. As for your husband, it would be very good if he attended at least one session so that you can close the cycle, remember to continue with the exercises I sent you, take some time alone, always do something that you like and distract you,” I listen to every word the doctor says and nod to each one.

At the end of the session with the psychologist, as I always I feel better, smiling I go to my car to go to my mother.

“You have arrived darling,” mom hugs me, “the baby is sleeping, every day he looks more like his father, he's very bitter.” I laugh at that, that's a fair truth, my son is a mini Hamann in every sense of the word, “come on, I prepared something for you to feed yourself, you can't be without feeding properly,” she takes me by the arm and guides me to the dining room,” tell me, how have you been?”

I take a sip of the grape juice, “I'm improving mom, although the dreams persist, I am no longer that uncontrolled woman, I am not toxic and I do not argue and fight for everything, I feel that the only thing I need to overcome all this is the support of Kahin, mamma I ruined everything,” as always when I talk about it, I start to cry, “he spends his time working, and when he's at home he locks himself in his office with our son, my heart hurts mommy. It hurts that Kahin doesn't listen to me, he's getting lost again in my pregnancy and it hurts more because he is close,” my mother hugs me and I let go of everything, “I feel very lonely, I feel empty in some way and that can only be filled if Kahin returns to being who he was before,” my mother kiss my head.

"You must keep trying daughter, he loves you and I know that soon he will listen to you."

I separate from her and look into her eyes, “I'm tired mom, tired of insisting on trying and fighting so that this distance, so that that crack is repaired, but he simply does not allow it,” my mother listens to me and advises me in every way she can.

After eating and calming down for the sake of my baby, I go to my son, seeing him gives me a unique peace, he is my comfort when Kahin decides not to sleep with me, my child is the spitting image of his father.

"Good morning," I hear Carla's scream, "I’m here."

Taking my son in my arms I left my room, “no good, now the pod is screwed," I tease my friend.

“And there is the poisonous one, come on, Loan, Francesco and Fátima are waiting for us in Omar park, we must go to Lucelia and the baby,” happy for that outing on such a beautiful day, I give my baby to my friend and I go for the bag.

"I'm ready, come on let's go," I approach my mother, “mamma don't get out of control in this outing that you'll have with Aunt Lourdes,” I look at her naughtily, “I love you,” I kiss her cheek, she says goodbye to the baby and my friend leaves the house with me, “let's get in the dark-haired car,” my friend lets out a laugh.

"And did you have to call me that?" Amusedly we arrange the baby in one of the seats and we get going, “how was today's session?" My friend is interested.

“All right, it's a fact that I'm improving, but it's also a fact that I need my brunette a lot,” I pout, “I miss my husband,” I confess feeling hurt.

"Heart?" Asks my friend.

Looking at her, I let out some tears, fortunately she is the one who drives, “broken!" I reply regretfully. We passed by Lucelia who was already waiting for us, my sister-in-law has been an angel to me, she helps me to forget and always seeks what to do with me so that I do not feel alone when we are in the mansion. Her relationship with my sun is too beautiful, it is something that should never end, I hate that he does not change his mind.

"This being a mother isn't easy ladies, it's not easy," she complains. "If Fran wouldn't help me every time he could, I would have gone crazy." I look at her in the rear-view mirror.

"You're making the baby fake, my Francesca behaves so calm Lucy, stop talking like that."