53

My tears dried up as we sat outside and the silence no longer seemed oppressive. As well as his arms around me seemed relaxed and no longer forced.

"You'll be okay," he whispered in my ear, and I shook my head. I wanted to believe his words that nothing would happen to me and nothing to him either. But he doesn't know him, he doesn't know what kind of wrong games he's playing.

I mean he's here because he posed as a wolf looking for mate?

He ignored my shaking of his head as we walked back together. I kept reminding myself that I could believe him. I mean, I trusted him with everything, so I could believe him, too, right?

As we entered the hall, I felt two pairs of eyes on me. As Carter watched, his eyes and Jasper's were on me.

Carter walked right in front of me, blocking his view of me until we got to the table.

Jasper and Carter were exchanging mind-links as I sat down next to Jasper. Which seemed closer to me than before. But this bothered me because it bothered him and I could still remember what happens when he doesn't like something.

I still wasn't sure if Carter was telling or would tell Clarisse because she was the only clueless one of the three of us. Because I knew that Jasper knew something, not everything but a lot.

The meal went so quietly that I feared it was the calm before the storm.

So when it came out, where the alphas were looking at all the wolves in the pack, I was standing between Jasper and Carter. While it seemed at first that both of them hated me abysmal, they both protected me now and never took their eyes off me. I can't say which of them I liked better. I also couldn't explain why her behavior suddenly changed. Why did this protective instinct suddenly come up?

I looked around carefully, because I had lost sight of him, but since I felt my wolf more than usual, I could say he was still here.

"Alpha Carter, may I borrow your company to the dance?" I finally heard his voice as he approached us and my body immediately tensed.

Because in addition to a music system, there was a buffet and a dance floor outside.

"Sorry, but that's one of my favorite songs," Jasper said as he led me by my hand to the dance floor.

I gave him a thankful smile before remembering it was about dancing. Besides the many things I can't do, dancing is also one of them.

"Just do what I do," he whispered softly, to which I nodded and did my best. Jasper gently pulled me closer. His hand gently rested on my lower back before we moved to the beat of the music.

"You realize you don't have to do this," I replied, which made Jasper smile softly at me and look over at Carter.

"Befehl des Alphas."

Sure, I thought to myself, paying attention to his steps and mine again.

"So you want to tell me where the scars come from?" he asked while we danced or at least I tried to. I had to admit that Jasper moved very well.

"Can't you explain it to yourself?" I asked, whereupon he pulled me even closer to safe and with his hand now exerted light pressure on my lower back.

"I want to hear it from your mouth" he said, while I looked into his eyes. His dark eyes took me in completely and I forgot how to breathe for a moment.

I haven't looked longer and more closely at a boy since him than I do now. Because only now did I notice that Jasper's dark green eyes had small bumpy sprinkles and his hair was a lighter brown than I remembered.

"He's my mate," I replied, lowering my eyes again and hearing his heartbeat. Unlike mine, his was normal even as he met his gaze. "And the cause of my scars."

"I don't think either of us are the luckiest in life," he said so calmly that I almost didn't recognize his voice.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked looking up again. He never looked happy to me, but I thought that was just part of him. Since his brother and almost every male wolf does the same. Unlike me, they can hide their feelings.

Until I came up with situations that couldn't have been clearer. When I was new, Carter was said to have just become a fresh alpha, which means her father most likely died. He also doesn't talk about his mate, which means something happened to her, and he's not good at talking about his brother being alpha.

Apparently there's a bit more to it, also it doesn't seem like he's going to talk to anyone about it and when I thought he was going to tell me something about himself he blocked again.

"The song is over, Jules."

"We'll see each other again soon" were the last words he addressed to me. But I didn't answer him, it would be a useless fight. He was just about to lean over to me, but Jasoer took a threatening step forward.

"We will," Jasper answered for me, but he didn't look at him. Because his eyes were only on me.

Once we were sure that he and the rest of the precinct had left, Jasper took me to my room. While I was afraid of him and felt a little safer with Jasper and Carter, their behavior was over the top. They barely knew me and still threatened the coldest alpha I know. And for what? For nothing. He'll get me eventually anyway and kill you all for helping.

"You threatened him, do you know what he's going to do to you?" I asked him after closing the door to my room behind us. Was he tired of life? Didn't he have anything to lose?

"I'm not afraid of him," Jasper replied dryly, while I wanted to scream. Where did you get the courage to face such a monster? Didn't you hear me properly?

"You should be scared of him, he's a monster," I interjected, and he tilted his head back at me. I hate when he did this. "He's going to torture you," I continued as the images flooded my mind. His beloved basement . I immediately shook my head to clear the thoughts. "We hardly know each other, why are you still risking your life?" I asked again because he didn't answer me. Just staring at me while going insane inside.

I was so energized that I couldn't sit still and paced to calm myself. But it didn't help.

"Jasper" I called, seeming to snap him out of his thoughts. "How come?"

Without saying anything, he sat down on my bed and motioned for me to sit next to him.

"I found my mate five years ago, only to see you die right before my eyes three years later. By another alpha. He thought he was the biggest and strongest. I couldn't live without you, so I took revenge I wanted to commit it. I trained harder but the fight was different because he got stronger too. It ended up with my dad dying from my games. Since I had no mate left so I couldn't raise offspring in the pack, it was Carter Alpha."

I sat there speechless as he told me this. I couldn't even imagine how he felt going through all of this.

"No one should be treated like that by their mate," he repeated quietly to himself, as if remembering you back.

At that moment he looked so fragile that I was afraid he would collapse at any moment. He was hurt and I got the feeling that I was the first person he confided in and showed me that side of him.

"He deserved nothing but being rejected," he said, rubbing his face and turning his head back to me.

His dark green eyes studied my face as a smile tugged at my lips.

"Tell me about her" I asked him and to my amazement he actually told me something about her.

"Our meeting wasn't the best, she was gangly and crossed our border. Despite everything, my job was to take her to my father and my mother, who said it was fate that she ran right over our border. At first she had She opposed joining our pack and tried to persuade me to live a packless life with her,

but decided against it when she heard how big a role I had in the pack and couldn't leave it, she saw how much I fell into the role, which is why she decided to join the pack.

She was quite stubborn and stubborn, she never did what was really asked of her, but she managed everything. Also, she was quite strong and enjoyed fighting in packs rather than fighting against one.

I couldn't get enough of her, she was the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen. She made me laugh, even when there was actually nothing to laugh about."

As he told me all this, I couldn't help but notice the sparkle in his eyes that I had never seen before. At most with my parents while they forgot that you weren't alone. None could ever take their place. But it meant a lot to me that he told me about her.

"But I couldn't save you, even though you were right in front of me. But I can still try to save you. I don't want to make the same mistake twice."

"Everyone makes mistakes, we just can't let them define us," I replied as I carefully laid my head on his shoulder.

And in that moment I realized that I had accepted my mistakes. They were a part of me that I couldn't change. Because I wasn't the only one who lost her loved ones from mistakes and decisions and I will never be the only one.

"Train me."

"Do you remember how it ended the last time?" he asked skeptically as he drank from his glass. Rolling my eyes, I overlooked his answer and sat on the next try.

"You can't always protect me, you don't have to either. I just want to say I want to be able to defend myself," I explained, but Carter didn't seem really impressed.

"You can train as much as you want, if you don't connect with your wolf, training won't do you any good," he replied, causing a big smile to break my lips.

"Who says I have no connection with my wolf?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows and resting my chin on my hands. But Carter understood nothing.

"Anyone who's seen you train?"

I groaned in annoyance as I sat back and watched Carter eat.

Do you know that feeling when you know someone is watching you and you try to behave normally, but suddenly you forget how the simplest movements work and everything goes wrong?

That's exactly what happened to Carter, because when the big alpha ate his cereal, it looked like he forgot there was milk on the spoon as well. In general, he looked pretty helpless.

"Can you please stop watching me like that?" he asked after wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"It's not every day you see an Alpha who's Cheerios for breakfast," I replied, causing him to roll his eyes and just keep eating.

Just as I was trying to return to the previous subject, Carter interrupted me.

"My answer is no, you shouldn't be outside more than usual," he said, which made me gasp.

"I'm not a kid, and I don't belong in the pack, so I don't have to listen to you," I defended, but Carter just gave me an anything else look.

Then I'll just ask his brother.

-

"No."

"What no?" I asked while watching him exercise. He was doing about 100 push-ups right now because he supposedly has a bet going on with some other wolves. Whoever creates the most wins something insignificant. Which is totally stupid because Jasper could do this until he dies of thirst.

"Please Jasper, I think I'm ready for the next step. But your brother doesn't even listen to me as he thinks it's too much of a risk," I told Jasper, who barely noticed me.

"What did he say?"

"He just said it wouldn't do any good if there wasn't a connection and it would also increase the risk that I could be attacked. But this can also happen to me indoors when I'm sleeping," I told him while he was briefly in his movement stopped and looked at me.

"Do you think you're really ready for the next step?" He asked me, which made me quickly shake my head.

"We'll meet here tonight after dinner," he said before continuing with his push-ups.

With a smile on my face, I made my way back to the packhouse. I was ready, I kept telling myself.

I had confided in someone, felt my wolf again and I was done with my past. Nothing stood in my way. I was well prepared, and I also had the feeling that my strength was slowly coming back. So I was in a good mood myself.

I spent the rest of the time until dinner in my room staring in the mirror, thinking it would help if I talked to my wolf. But somehow nothing really happened.

The only thing that happened was that I seemed to stare into my own eyes. i hate my reflection But I didn't give up and tried again. That was my body, whether I wanted it or not. That was me and nothing would change that.

"I know you're mad at me, but look at what he did to us. He would do it again, we'd never be free," I said as I took off my t-shirt and looked at my scars in the mirror.

"His wolf manipulated you into staying with him. Do you understand?" I asked, although I felt pretty stupid doing it. I finally spoke to myself, because until now I didn't feel my wolf. I should at least feel a tingle.

Taking a deep breath, I removed my pants and examined the scars on my legs. My knees, the insides of my thighs.

"That was and is not love."

Normally you always feel your wolf's presence, be it through the power you have through him or through other things like when he talks to you. And while all these years I thought I'd never had a real wolf because I'd forgotten how to feel, I just didn't connect with him.

"I'm really sorry that I turned against you. But I couldn't take it any longer and you weren't much help either, but let's not blame anyone," I said, feeling a kind of pain . she listens to me .

"So what do you think of a little training?"