55

Jasper Pov

A scream woke me from my sleep. Jules . Before I knew it, I was on my feet and standing in the guest room.

It was weird seeing someone in the bed, or having that door open in general.

Jules was trembling all over, her eyes were tightly shut. She was having a nightmare. I didn't want to imagine what she was experiencing again. One look at her free upper arms told me enough. What kind of monster would do that to his mate?

I shook off the thoughts because they didn't help anyone.

"Hey" I gently grabbed her shoulders. It seemed like her body was responding to my touch. The trembling stopped. Until I noticed that she was now lying there frozen. My heart contracted. What was going on in her head?

"Jules, it's Jasper," I whispered softly. "You're just having a bad dream. You're safe."

I could barely react as Jules shot up her torso and breathed frantically. Her breasts rose and fell every second. Their gaze darted around the room as if they were expecting someone or something else.

"Hey, everything's fine" I said and took her face in both my hands. "Look into my eyes, it's me."

Jules brown eyes finally found mine and slowly her breathing calmed down and she pressed her forehead against mine. Only then did I notice the closeness between us. I could feel Jule's breath on my torso. It wasn't until now that I noticed that I wasn't wearing a t-shirt. Because I ran straight over to her.

As if Jules was only just noticing these things, she put some distance between us. My hands, which just covered her face, were now lying next to her on the bed. And I had to admit I missed the warmth that had just radiated.

"I-I'm sorry," she stuttered, her cheeks seeming to flush red and I had to suppress a smile. "Sometimes, sometimes these images haunt me-" Before she could continue, I cut her off. Did she really feel like she had to justify her nightmares?

I also didn't want her to tell me things that she wasn't ready for out of affect.

"It's fine, Jules. It was just a nightmare."

Jules seemed to process those words for a moment before shaking her head.

"It's not just nightmares," she replied in a voice so pained that something inside me woke up. The wish that she should never feel pain like that again.

It wasn't just nightmares, it was Jule's memories that haunted her.

"I know," I admitted, even though I couldn't imagine it. I knew what pain was, but I couldn't imagine torture. Above all, through the person with whom one is connected. his counterpart.

There was silence for another moment. I hadn't realized I was looking at Jules scars before she started running her fingers over one on her wrist.

"I tried to kill myself," she said while stroking the scar with her fingers. As if she were recalling that moment. "More than once, but this one time it almost worked." She took a deep breath. "He had just finished with me and left me naked on the floor. He thought I was too weak to move, he hadn't cleaned up either." Her gaze shifted to the window and I tried not to imagine what had happened before. How he used them and left them lying around. "From a glass that broke in the act, the pieces of glass were still on the floor. I just wanted to finish it. I knew no one was coming and I didn't have enough strength. I still had hope that he would change . That my pain would awaken something in him." She shook her head and hid her face in her hair. "I was wrong. The whole time. So I made the cut. He found me shortly before, my blood would have driven him insane."

I was still sitting across from her, speechless. Unable to say anything.

I felt anger. Anger at Jules Rudel for not freeing her. Anger that her mate was a bastard who's still alive. Anger that Jules had to go through all of this alone. Anger that I couldn't say anything now.

I would make sure that time does not repeat itself.

How old was Jules? I know that she was alone with him for two years. Two years of physical and psychological abuse. And yet she can still smile.

"How does it feel to lose your mate?" Jules asked, catching my eye.

"I lost a part of myself with her," I answered honestly, reading every emotion on her face. "I almost broke it myself."

Jules nodded and pushed her hair behind her ears.

"Why do you ask?" I asked cautiously before an uncertain smile settled on Jules lips.

"I need to know what's coming towards me if I kill him," she replied coolly and without any emotion.

is she insane

"You don't really think I'll let you get that close to him again," I replied, shaking my head.

"He or I," she contradicted me. "It wasn't enough to reject him, it only ends with death. He killed my family. And he's going to kill you too. Jasper, you can't do this . "

"Jules." I no longer recognized my own voice. Jules also seemed to think things over for a moment, but she shook her head

"There's no other way. I'm ready."

Jules Pov

Jasper didn't leave my side all day. He would fear that otherwise I would do something stupid. Though he probably wasn't entirely wrong. Even if there is still a bit of a struggle with my plan.

Also, at that moment, I liked the thought of being by Jasper's side too much to want to be anywhere else now.

Jasper watched fighting wolves with a stern expression, directing and controlling training first on his list. It was about being able to transform in even the worst conditions. And I had to train it was impressive how fast the wolves were.

I kept feeling looks at me, especially from the female wolves. They watched every step I took. How many times I glanced at Jasper.

"Are you already hungry?" Jasper asked when I realized I was staring at him again. But it didn't seem to bother me, nor did the looks from outside.

His dark green eyes had me fully focused. Unable to speak, I shook my head and Jasper tilted his head back, grinning.

With a wave of his hand, training ended and wolves became human again.

"It's still time for breakfast," he whispered in my ear as he leaned toward me.

He knew exactly what he was doing, but I didn't understand why. Why was Jasper flirting with me? Was he trying to change my mind by doing this? get me to stay?

With a nod he motioned for me to follow him, even though I now knew the way myself.

"I don't need a babysitter," I defended, trying to keep up with him.

"Never said I was," Jasper countered. "I just don't support your suicide trip."

"Why are you afraid for me?" I joked, but the look in Jasper's eyes made me want to take that back immediately.

"I don't want to see anyone die before my eyes ever again," he told me coolly. Before he turned his back on me.

I would love to smack one myself. Did I seriously just say that to him? The guy who saw his mate and his dying in front of him. Who had to give up his post as alpha. The guy who stayed with me last night at my request.

I swallowed the guilt and silently walked after Jasper.

As I sat down, Clarisse greeted me with a big smile. I immediately noticed the way her eyes darted back and forth between Jasper and me.

I didn't even want to know what is being told here. Is that why we were watched like this today?

Apparently someone must have seen that I went to Jasper's last night and left the house with him today.

Pack of gossip, yes great.

Clarisse greeted her son with a kiss on the cheek before we took our typical seats.

"Your brother is fine, they are still on their way," Clarisse started the conversation. Jasper nodded attentively before taking a long gulp of water.

I couldn't help but watch Jasper raise the glass to his lips. And then ran his tongue over his lips. What hormone trip am I on please ? I immediately shook off that thought, too many eyes were here.

"And do you have any news?" Clarisse's question was specifically aimed at me. Her gaze was curious and demanding. She knew her son wouldn't talk much.

I tried to suppress the warmth in my cheeks, but I knew from the sparkle in her eyes that it wasn't working.

Why am I acting like this? There was nothing between Jasper and me. Nothing happened last night either. I don't even know if he would call himself a friend of mine. Thinking about our topics of conversation, I realized how comfortable I'd felt with Jasper. I had trusted him. I don't know how he sees it. But Jasper was a friend.

"Jules is trying to transform for the first time today."

Only when Jasper's words got through to me did I realize how long Clarisse hadn't answered.

She didn't let it show, but it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. And I have to admit, I didn't want to hear them either.

Surprised by our plans for the day, I looked over at Jasper, who wasn't looking at Clarisse or me.

I hadn't transformed in over three years or more. I had only just regained my strength. How did Jasper envision it?

"This is unexpected news," Clarisse spoke while sipping at her glass.

"Yes, very unexpected," I replied tensely, which caught a twitch at the corners of Jasper's mouth. Did he find that funny?

"Big step for you Jules," her gaze caught on Jasper. Were they talking about Mind Link ? Jasper didn't give a damn, he totally devoted himself to his breakfasts. "You have to have a lot of trust."

My heart tightened a little in pain as I still felt guilty about my stupid joke.

"I trust Jasper," I replied. My gaze was now only for him. He paused in his movement as if contemplating those words.

Clarisse put a hand on Jasper's back and now I was sure the two were talking about Mind Link.

"You want to torment me," I gasped as Jasper watched me from the edge.

It felt like I ran a marathon, all I'm supposed to do is connect with my wolf. But it was like an inner struggle. My wolf didn't want to surface. Didn't want to show himself in front of Jasper. And I didn't know why.

Was he ashamed ? But why?

At the same time, I noticed that I didn't even know what my wolf looked like anymore.

"You shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself and you shouldn't think about it so much," Jasper said, which made me want to laugh.

Don't pressure me? Then what did he do to me?

I wanted to be able to transform again. Feel the forest floor under my paws again. The wind in my fur. Just the very distant memory of it gave me goosebumps.

"Something's blocking my wolf, he doesn't want to show himself to you," I replied, causing him to furrow his eyebrows. "I'm not lying," I defended when he looked at me skeptically.

Jasper said nothing. His eyes drifted off into the distance, as if he were thinking about something. It also seemed like my words had hurt him in some way.

It felt like hours passed. Even if it was only a matter of minutes. The longer I looked at him, the more I felt a kind of tingling that I couldn't interpret.

Jasper slowly walked towards me, running his hands through his hair. He stopped a meter in front of me.

His dark eyes were fixed on me, but their expression was different than expected. He looked at me sympathetically. There was something soft and at the same time calming about his gaze.

Once again I asked myself what was going on in his head, what thoughts he had.

"You can trust me Jules ."

The way he said my name made my knees go weak.

It should n't be .

It was not right.

He signed his death warrant.

Why didn't he care?

"I won't let him harm you. I won't let him leave another scar on your skin."

Before I knew it he was right in front of me. I had to swallow. When was the distance between us so small?

A sense of security pervaded my body.

"You don't know what I would do for you." His hand stroked my cheek while his eyes studied my face.

This proximity drove me insane.

"I trust you, Jules. Now you trust me."

Oh yes, I trusted Jasper .

I was lost in the green of his eyes. Only when he took a step back did I understand. I was about to transform.

A wave of pain ran through my body. I could still feel my knees hitting the floor. I looked up at Jasper one last time, but in front of me was a beautiful light gray wolf. The breaking of bones filled the training ground and pulled me back into my body.

Before I knew it, I looked at my teeth, at my fur. A reddish brown. I felt a cold draft on my right hind leg. Apparently I was missing a piece of fur after all and what was left was a large healed scar.

The memories came back too. He had also hurt me in my wolf form.

A twist drew my attention to the gray wolf in front of me. He eyed me curiously. I saw something like joy and pride in his eyes.

I had made it. I transformed Thanks Jasper. I don't know where I would be without him or even Carter.

I felt an unfamiliar force coursing through my body. My senses were heightened.

With a movement of his head he pointed to the forest behind us. But I was already running.

--

"Did you see that?" I asked Jasper excitedly. My smile was so wide my cheeks started to hurt. "Have you seen me? How long has it been since I felt this alive?"

It seemed like nothing could stop me. My body felt a soothing heat. I was alive, I just walked through the forest in my wolf form. Jasper right behind me.

It was an indescribable feeling.

Before I knew it, I was hugging Jasper.

"Thanks, I can't say it enough," I murmured against his skin.

But instead of returning my hug, Jasper cleared his throat and avoided my eye contact.

Only now did I realize that Jasper was holding out a t-shirt. 'Cause I was naked

I stood completely naked in front of Jasper.

No problem , no problem at all .

How could I forget that one is naked after the transformation?

I know wolves have no problem with nudity. Everyone has seen their pack naked at some point, but right now? Here with Jasper? Something was different.

I quickly took the t-shirt from Jasper's hand and put it on. His scent immediately enveloped me. It was one of his tshirts, he must have had several lying around.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a blush on Jasper's face. But I doubted that that would hold up against mine.

God, I fell naked on Jasper's neck.

How could I be so pushy ?

"Thanks for that, too," I mumbled, embarrassed, pointing to the t-shirt. "And I'm sorry about this," I added, pointing between us.

Jasper smiled weakly before eyeing me.

"Nothing you need to apologize for."

Wait what ?

"You should see your face," he laughed before nodding for me to go back to the pack.

Unable to say anything, I just barely laughed. Did Jasper just flirt with me ?

No.

"I should go back to my room, I have to take a shower. At first I thought the smell was coming from you, but-" before I could finish, Jasper cut me off.

"Where do you think you are going now?" He asked me, which made me furrow my eyebrows in question. "You have your room with me."

Relief spread. Because somehow the thought of Jasper calmed me down the room. Even if it didn't keep the nightmares away.