Make Me Forget

"Kill me," I said in an affirmed tone. I look back to find Colby sadly looking at me. One look, and I knew that he was the only one who understood me. His silent tonight's said it all.

Shawn broke down on his knees in front of me. "What do you want me to do?" he begs me through his tears.

"Nothing, because even if you die tonight, it will never take away the pain I am going through," I sadly told him and, my tears betrayed me. Like a waterfall, they keep flowing down to my cheek. The pain in my chest increases and my heart hurts like hell. There's only one thing running through my head, 'I have to let everything I have been feeling out of my being.'

"I was an outcast when I was young. My parents never really loved or cared for me. Their whole attention was on my elder sister. I tried very hard to live up to their standards but nothing I did ever made them love me. Our pack never let me in on anything, even when I thought somebody cared. In the end, they only used me for their chores and homework. All my life, I was never anyone's priority... even you my mate," I said in tears.

He shook his head no to me, trying to knock some sense in me. However, I quickly dismissed it and told him and everyone how I truly felt?

"Your first kiss wasn't me. Your first break wasn't me. The first person to own your heart wasn't me. Your first mark wasn't me, and your first child, something I thought I could be first in, was not with me. That night I went into heat I begged you to stay, but you...you chose Hayley over me. She and your son are your priority. What about me?" I shouted in pain with my finger pointing at my chest.

"Huh, what about me, Shawn?"

He reaches for my hand, but I pull it away, shaking my head no to him. "Then let me fix everything for you. We can move on from it...please... just please give ourselves another chance," he begs me again.

"So easy," I said between my sobs.

"So easy for you to move on and say those words... but for me... I can't do that because I have never been anyone's first. I know that we had not done any of those bed game activities yet, but it would be so unfair to give you all my firsts while I am forever your second love."

Shawn stood there begging me with his eyes not to do this. However, everything is already over for me. I have enough of this pain. I can't live for another minute knowing this pain and burden I am carrying with me is too much. I don't need space. I need peace.

"Honestly, I am still jealous whenever you attend to her call as a friend or even look out for your son. I would never get past the thought that you two used to love one another. I know that if it hadn't for the bond, you wouldn't be begging me to move on with you," I said and wiped off my tears.

"When I ran away, I thought of those cliché movies and books where I waltz back as she did with her lover or those candy man on the arm. Yet here I am back by myself with no one else. I tried to be like her when she ran away...I... I tried to be with others. But I never brought myself to do it because I am not you or her."

Nobody dares to speak up again. Silence filled the room. Hailey whose already in tears turned away with shame. I look around and find everyone in tears but what is the use of those tears now?

The girl standing before them was long gone, leaving only her shell with them.

"Even if someone dies tonight, nothing will change the consequences of your actions. It will never return the kiss you have given away, the heart that was owned before, the mark you imprinted on her first, or the child you both created. I know other people are fine with it when it comes to this situation...BUT ME. NEVER. I refused to be second in everything."

There I said it all. I am done and I will be out of here.

Standing up straight, I turn towards the door and walk out of the packhouse with a broken heart and soul-shattering. I heard people shouting and him calling after me but that did not make me stop. I shut everything out and ran. I wanted to forget everything at once and there was only one person who I knew that'll make me forget.

When I reach the destination in mind. I bang my fists on the door with tears dropping from my eyes like a waterfall. Once it open, I step back and beg the woman before me, "please make me forget everything."

Lucia, our pack's witch, turned to me and said, "then give up something for it."

"I will give up my wolf, only on one condition," I answered, and she raised her brow at me. "You will find a host for her, and this time I get to choose," I said.

"But honey, that is something the moon goddess-" she said but I quickly intercepted, "screw her and I don't care! She didn't do a great job at it with me. Did she?" Lucia stood there thinking for a while before agreeing to do it.

She shows me her magic ball. I could see every pregnant she-wolf in it. I almost give up on searching. Not until a mother caught my eyes with her hands on her belly.

"This one," I said pointing to the pregnant wolf. I knew that if she's the host, then my wolf undoubtedly grew up to be loved by her host and mother. I pointed her out and the Lucia decided to do it.

"Close your eyes and I will separate you two," she said, and I quickly close my eyes.

Lucia murmurs a foreign language that I do not understand, and before I would come to terms with it, my wolf is taken from me and placed in the host that I have chosen and who is still in the womb of her mother. I smile knowingly that my wolf will have a better life. Better than the hell I am escaping from.

"Are you ready?" Lucia asks after everything is set, and I nod my head yes without a second thought.

"Where would you want to be after forgetting everything?"

"Any place that is peaceful and free but not here," I told her.

"What if I put you in the human place?" she asks.

"That I would appreciate," I answer and smile.

Lucia squeezes my hand in return. "Then I hope and wish for nothing except for you to find your peace my child," she said and without another word she made me drink a potion before putting me in a deep sleep.

~~~

I woke up to find myself surrounded by bright lights. There were voices surrounding my hearing. I blinked my eyes twice and looked around to see where I am at. I smile when seeing the children playing around and with me standing in the middle of them.

"Sr. Claire, Mother Superior is looking for you," a young kid said. I thank him before I walk back to the convent.

Mother superior was the one who found me unconscious on the doorstep of the convent. I've been living in the covenant for as long as I can remember. I enjoyed every moment of it, and I can still remember when it was the time for me to choose my career pathway, I chose to stay as I wanted to follow in our Mother Superior's footsteps.

Here I am, newly anointed as a nun with no memories of my birthplace or anything at all.

On my way to Mother Superior, another young kid came running up to me. She cried, telling me that the ball was stuck in a tree. I hurriedly went with her and ended up climbing the tree by using a ladder to retrieve the ball.

When I climbed down from the ladder, I missed a step on the ladder and fell. I thought I was going to hit the ground but luckily, I was saved by a handsome stranger who sighed in relief once I'm safe in his arms.

Carefully he placed me down on the ground. "Thank you, sir," I said to him.

"I'm Sr. Claire," I introduced myself, and he nodded his head discreetly.

Not knowing what else to talk about, I offer him a cup of tea which he politely declines. "Okay, I guess I'll go. Thank you again," I said to him, and he replied with only a smile. I turn and continue to walk to the convent. Mother Superior calls me again. "I am coming" I call back to her.

Feeling as if someone is watching me, I turn back and find the same stranger looking at me. "Strange," I thought. I wave back to him before turning around and walk to the convent's back door.

I closed the door behind me and let out a deep breath that I didn't know I had been holding back. I smile a little when recalling my encounter with the stranger.

Truth is, I think I know the him as I remember his face in one of my dreams and the fact that something must have happened between us. However, I do not wish to pry on my past, no matter how tempting it is to find out more about myself.

I believe in a belief that says, if you have encountered anyone, you feel as if you have encounter before but couldn't remember what happened between the lines. The fate of you and that person was never aligned. It could only mean that you have a painful past with that person. It's a reason why you do not remember him.

For that reason, I wouldn't dare turn back to take a peek, and I have to say, 'with this life, I am living, I can find and heal myself completely without complications.'