Sorry, I Love You

Jenna/Sr. Claire

The last thing I remember before I fainted was Shawn holding me while I cry.

God, why is it dark again here and why do I hear voices and not see faces? I question while trying so hard to open my eyes.

I wanted to see but my eyelids are heavy. It's like I am imprisoned in my own mind. It's like I'm living in a nightmare, and I wanted to escape from the darkness so bad. Therefore, I call out the name that I always knew would be here for me.

God! I cry out. God! I called again while struggling to be free from the darkness that's about to consume me.

"GOD!" I scream breaking away from the darkness. My eyes wide open, staring up at the ceiling. I sit bolt upright terrified by the darkness and thoughts of never seeing the light again. At the same time, I am heavily breathing. Once I am calm, I try to reach up to touch my wet cheeks, but something is pinning my hands down.

"Hey, you're safe."

I turn aside and find Colby with a relieved look on his face. I stare at him, not knowing what to say. I didn't see his hand reaching out to me not until I felt it on my cheek. He then uses his thumbs to gently wipe the tears from my eyes.

I removed his hand and face the front. He clears his throat. "I am sorry...I've...shouldn't do that" he apologizes. I did not say anything.

"Do you want water?" he offers, and I shake my head no.

"I'll-"

"It's okay Colby, I am fine," I said.

He sits back down on the chair. "Jenna...I know this is hard, but I beg for your mercy" he said, and I listen. "I am sorry if I wasn't there too to be a friend... I am very sorry Jenna." I close my eyes upon hearing those two words again 'I'm sorry.'

"Colby, I need....no I want time by myself," is all I said back to him.

"I know Jenna but please know that I genuinely meant it when I said I am sorry," he said in a whisper, and I could hear by the sound of his voice that he is getting emotional. I didn't say anything back to him as I am too exhausted to talk about the problem here.

The door opens and Shawn stood there nervously. He shifted his gaze from me to Colby then back to me. Colby looks between the two of us before he stood up straight. "I'll leave you two to be alone," he said, and he walk out of the door.

Shawn slowly walks up to my bed. He places the basin on the nightstand and places the back of his palm on my forehead.

"Your fever is down," he said.

I wanted to lay back down and take a nap, but his presence is making me want to run away in this instance. I'm getting sick just by having him near me.

"Jen-" he got interrupted by the door of the room opening.

"She...she's awake" Hailey stood there not knowing what to do or say. "I'll take that," said Shawn. I watch as he gets up to get the soup from her. I wonder how these two people can still live under one roof.

After all, they had a past together. I don't know how these people think it's normal.

Selfish! Yes, they are so selfish. Have they asked their children and Colby how they felt? I bet they don't.

"You might want to eat this while it's hot," Shawn said interrupting me from my thoughts. Does he think I am stupid?

"What makes you think I want to eat something from those filthy hands?" I spat and glared at him. I know I am being a bitch, but I want to hurt them as they hurt me. Yeah, I remember they done multiple damage than what I'm throwing at them now.

"Get that thing and your face out of my sight," I said to him harshly and his expression was all hurt.

Good.

I shrug my shoulder and turn away from him. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I could hear the bowl placed on the nightstand. Afterward, I feel the bed dip then follow by hands tilting my chin around. I close my eyes refusing to see him.

"Jenna...my sweet loving Jenna" he whispers soothingly. He moves forward and leans his forehead against mine. "I am so sorry Jenna" his voice broke, and I felt his tears on my cheeks. "I regret everything I did, and I am sorry for not being a good mate. I am sorry for being undeserving" he cries.

My tears slowly drop before I let out a whimper. I try to push him back, but he won't budge. "How could you do that to me. How could you Shawn?" I cry and hit on his chest. "I may not fully remember that I am Jenna, but it still hurts," I cry and push him away. I beat on my heart.

"It hurts like hell Shawn. It is fucking hurts and I feel like I'm dying all over again."

All this time I have pity and pray for the soul of Jenna. Yet, I am only pitying and praying for myself.

"I love you Jenna" Shawn who claim to be my mate said. I shook my head, refusing to believe any words coming out of his mouth.

"No, you love Jenna, and I am not her," I said to him sternly.

He moves forward and grasps my hands into his but I shook them away. He holds it tight and again I try to shrug it off from mine.

"Let go, let go" I began to shuffle around trying to shake off his hands. However, Shawn pulls me close in his arms. He hugs me tightly, my fist still pounding on his chest.

"Let me go...let me go," I cry out and still hits him.

Shawn's tears were falling but still, his hold is tight around me. When I grew tired of fighting him, my hands fall on his sides. "I am sorry," he kisses my head. "I am so sorry," he let out another sob.

"Always, Jenna" he holds on tight afraid to let me go.

We sat there crying on my bed. When I calm down, he tug me into bed and then sat next to my bed. I close my eyes still refusing to meet his gaze. I feel his fingertips caressing my cheeks.

I hear his chair being pushed away then I feel his warm lips on the tip of my nose, then my eyes, and lastly my forehead. His lips linger there for a while.

"I am sorry, I love you" he whispers before pulling away and walking out of the room.

A tear escapes my eyes as I try to fall back to sleep hoping to wake up from this nightmare. I know Jenna will say the same that she's sorry, she loves him. However, I am not Jenna or Claire.

I don't know who I am anymore. I am so lost, and I feel lost.