First Freaking fight
84. First Freaking fight
🤍🖤🤍 Natalie 🤍🖤🤍
I sneak into the school from back door and rush towards the girls’ room to lock myself in one of the stalls.
“Does it mean you would be a bitch to anyone who ignores you? Don’t tell me this is your go-to approach.”
It stings, and it stings really badly. I am shaking with anger and embarrassment.
It stings because he is right.
This is my fucking go-to approach. Not because they ignore me. But because they cross a line.
What are you supposed to do when people fucking bully and harass you? You either turn into a bitch or brawl like a baby. Funnily enough, I have done both, depending on how I feel on a certain day.
After taking some deep breaths, I finally come out of the stall and wash my face. I am late for my class and I don’t want to see him right now. So I lean on a wall and call Ira.
But I am not sure who I should talk to. I cannot let this anger boil within me. It will eat me.
She answers after a few rings, “Hey… what happened?”
Her voice sounds different and somber. Then I realize, Isn’t she at school?
“You ok? And Where are you?”
“I am fine...” she says dismissively. “and at home. I was feeling under the weather... But what happened to you? You never call in middle of the day.”
I sigh. “I had my first fight with Jacob… and I walked out in the middle of it... I felt I might say some shit I will regret…”
Saying hurtful things when I am angry is my speciality. See how specularly I fucked up with Norris!
Ira is stunned at first, then she finally says, “Already?”
I chuckle.
Yea, already…
“He kind of called me a bitch.”
“That asshole! I am gonna bust his balls Natalie...”
It makes me giggle. “Noooo... I don’t want you to do that. Last night was freaking outstanding. I don’t want to risk my future chances with him.”
And Ira laughs and agrees, “Yeah... who will fuck you whole night long otherwise?”
I chuckle at first, then go quiet after a while, thinking how the entire conversation had played out with Jacob in the parking lot.
“I didn’t like it when he implied being a bitch is my usual reaction to being ignored…”
“Can you tell me what exactly happened?”
Then I explain, How that extra chirpy waitress leered at him, touched him, passed flirtatious comments to him and ignored me. She didn’t offer me a menu or water. She didn’t talk to me. Not even once. She was always talking to Jacob as if I wasn’t even sitting there. Then finally on purpose she thanked him for the bill and tip, although she clearly saw I was the one who paid.
“And you are saying he didn’t realize any of it?”
“I guess not! He only mentioned that I snapped at her when she, in his words, ‘passed a compliment’ to him… and he again outed me when I lost it and rudely corrected her that I was the one who paid the bill.”
Then I say something I have never said out loud before. “West used to do this, you know… He would go distant and hurtful… after having sex… I know I was probably wrong today... But Jacob’s comment felt no different from West’s behavior. Maybe I am just imagining…”
“No, you are not! Jacob was supposed to be nicer than that...” Ira says softly.
I take a breath and continue. ”This argument barely hours after making love this morning felt like my past was repeating all over again. I know it’s stupid. You know Ira... he is the nicest person I have ever met, but I got furious when he pointed it out.”
Truth is, I am still angry and hurt.
Ira hums. “Don’t compare him with West. But you need to talk to him, Natalie. You cannot let this topic slide. Talk to him and figure it out.”
She adds hesitantly, “Tell him how you feel, but hear his side, too. Do it with a calm mind...”
I sigh. What Am I supposed to tell him? I cannot tell him how West treated me or we were in a relationship, for that matter. Relationship or whatever you call it..
“Ok..” I say anyway.
“How are you guys doing, though? You and Liam?” I ask her.
She goes quiet, and I ask,” What happened?”
She clears her throat and says, “We… We ain’t seeing each other anymore.”
“What! Since when? And what happened?”
I hear her sniffle and I feel instantly bad. I am so busy with my own problems I usually don’t even ask her how she is doing.
“Ira… Do you want me to come over?”
Her voice goes tight, and she asks, “Can you?”
“Yes!” I say and I rush towards the side door to sneak out of school to catch a cab. I pray to God that Nobody sees me sneaking in or out. I will be in huge trouble for flaunting rules like this.
It takes me 45 minutes to reach her place.
…
We coop up in a blanket, and AC is on full blast. Strange choice, but whatever makes her comfortable. She sips coffee with hot chocolate I made her. Then finally speaks up, ”It was stupid, you know. To get involved with him.”
I listen to her quietly.
“I kinda knew Liam since forever… We never talked and weren’t in the same circles, but we knew each other... and I liked him. A few hi and hellos here and there. That’s all… So when mom bought her new boyfriend home four months ago, his son came along…”
I don’t like where this is going.
She looks at me and says, “You must be thinking how pathetic it is to sleep with my mom’s boyfriend’s son. I know it’s gross.”
I shake my head and say, “Don’t say that!”
She sighs. “Natalie.. You know mom... She changes boyfriends every freaking month. I don’t judge her. More power to her, you know… but she broke up with him... I got involved with Liam after she broke up with his dad.”
I grab her hand to comfort her.
“I was enjoying Liam’s company a lot when mom and his dad were dating. But I knew my limits. We started getting closer after their breakup...” Her voice quivers as she continues, “It was all fucking perfect… I have never felt for anyone like this before.”
“What changed?” I ask, dreading the answer.
“Mom and Liam’s dad are getting married. Can you freaking imagine? She found the love of her life, just like I found mine.”
My stomach twists at hearing her confession. She loves him.
“I have never seen you this happy with anyone else before.” I admit to her.
“But I cannot be with him. He will be my Step brother in a month. I am such a pathetic daughter..” She starts sobbing and I hug her.
“God, sometimes I feel I can’t breathe Natalie… We broke up 3 weeks ago after so much back and forth… I try to distract myself as much as I can…” she sniffs then chuckles, “This is why I was bothering you guys last night. It was a pleasant distraction to see you with someone for a change.”
I chuckle and she continues, “But sometimes it gets me. I don’t know how this shit will pass. It’s hard...”
I stay quiet and keep listening to her.
“Mom struggled so - so much… I want to be happy for her, but I cannot.” I rub her back…
FUCK.
I decide to stay and call mom and dad to tell them that I am staying over at Ira’s again. They get annoyed, but eventually agree when they talk to Ira’s Mom over the phone. They had no choice anyway. I wouldn’t go home leaving Ira alone tonight.
When I meet Ira’s mom, I congratulate her. She tells me about her wedding plans.
she tells me with a wide smile on her face, “I am so happy. I finally have a son… And Ira has a brother now,” I wince at her comment. She goes on and tells me they will move into this house so they can get a chance to live together as a family for a few months before Ira moves to Michigan for college. I cannot even imagine how Ira must be feeling seeing all this play out in front of her eyes.
Until late at night I stay up with her. We talk and I try to keep her distracted. I am glad she will be with me in college. I hope she can find someone and forget this pain over time.
Late at night, when I finally get my phone, I see several messages from Jacob & West.
I am not in the mood to hear anything from either of them right now, So I put the phone down without reading and go to sleep.
